Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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alwaysafraid61 03/15/2013

It's been over 4 mos. now since I lost my husband & I've been doing pretty good with not breaking down everyday anymore but tonight the dumbest little thing just set me off on a crying jag, I was balancing my checkbook & noticed that my ledger was full & I needed to change it & as I was taking my old one out I realized this one still had my husbands writing in it & so I started looking through it at all the things he had written in, some were things he bought, restaurants we had gone to, bills he paid etc. & I just lost it & cried uncontrollably for about 15 mins & couldn't bring myself to shred the old one like I normally would have done, not sure why a dumb little thing like changing the check ledger just set off a whole wave of emotion but it sure did! anyone else have this experience?
Kim

deleted_user 03/15/2013

It's not dumb and it's not a little thing. Everything is precious that he left behind. Do you know how long I kept his dirty laundry?! (I won't make you suffer with the knowledge) Yes...dirty laundry. I slept with his coat (the one the ER medics cut off of him) and would meticulously stuff the batting back into it each morning with tears burning my raw eyes. I have receipts from the day... I have shipping slips from the day... I finally used the last tea bag from the box of tea he bought 5 years ago...no wait I still have that. I think. Oh now I have to check. But the point is....it's not dumb and it's not little...and you just keep that register and frame it if you wanna! (I would have, but we both stunk at keeping a register)

deleted_user 03/15/2013

hi, kim. i know exactly how you feel. i still have the last bag of mars bars i bought for dh shortly before he passed. they are still in the pantry... i doubt i will ever get rid of them. i also still have a partially eaten small carton of ice cream in the freezer that was his. that may sound crazy to some people, but i don't care. those things remind me of my dh... and i like that.
debby

GlorS 03/15/2013

I still have his little brown phone book. It has pictures of the grandkids tucked into it, and I will never get rid of it. I still use it if I need a phone # for one of his old buddies. It has his perfectly neat handwriting in it and how could I bring myself to throw it away? There are other things too. But eventually little by little I will part with them. Finally going to sell his car this month or next. It was his baby, but I just can't keep two cars any more. So you do things in your own time. The truth is everything reminds you of them, and yet you need nothing to remind you of them. Does that make sense?
Gloria

kynessie 03/15/2013

I have kept grocery lists, post it notes with phone numbers, and I have a wine cooler he bought especially for me that I never got around to drinking.

I also have a small card that was attached to some Valentine's Day flowers that he sent to my office. Thankfully, I dated the card and taped it to my desk so that I can look at it everyday. It says "love and Kisses, Brian".

None of these things are small. It's like part of them is still here with us.

Nessie from KY

deleted_user 03/15/2013

WOW!!! This all sounds familiar,,,,but Im one of those people that put a timeline/deadline on my grieving process,,maybe because I feel like everyones watching me or just expectations for myself. I finally went back to work after 3 months and thought I was good....WRONG!! I have so many feelings and Im tired...I just wish I could "suck it up" and move on....I know it sounds terrible,but I spent 3 months of daily crying and going through the "process" and deciding how and if I was going to live my life.Most days are positive,but at anytime I will think of him and start out smiling and end up crying.

sandeestttn 03/15/2013

I paniced when my 9 year old grandaughter opened his wallet, and there were slips on paper he wrote some phone numbers on, they fell in the floor...I am afraid I might have jerked it away from her..!!!!!..while he was in hospital, i threw out his mattress (knowing he was going to nursing home from there), did all his laundry, got rid of his clothes he wouldn't be needing in there (except a few)threw out he junk he hoarded. never found his teeth, but I DID found his wedding ring he lost (fell off with him only 73 pounds....)he never left me a voicemail, or even called me. He never bought me gifts or jewelry... I have NOTHING left of him....

WidowDad 03/16/2013

At 10 1/2 months and I still had my wife's message as our voicemail. and i would call and listen to it sometimes. then i made a change to our calling plan and the phone company screwed up and deleted my phone mail. i lost all of the saved messaged AND her outgoing message. I think I am ready to give it up, but it wasn't my plan. It would have been harder for me to choose to delete her message, but now I don't have a choice!!!

silverfoxwife 03/16/2013

I brought my own laptop to work yesterday. As I rolled up the cables, I felt the sense of grief came upon me. I was doing the same thing as my husband would have packed his laptop to go on his business trip. We hang on to things because they have memories of our lives together. We are afraid to lose the memories that's all we have of our love ones. I am going to put his worn out wallet in safe keeping. In the morning I will be sending off his horses to someone who would care for them. Do what you think is right for you and don't have to give up anything when you are not ready.

Shrn 03/16/2013

I clung to everything for so long, Don smoked cigerettes and had quit before getting sick, but I found a smoked butt in an old pair of pants that reduced me to tears. It must have been years old but reminded me of what was in a happier time. I kept his log of diabetis levels and blood pressure log. It is just what we do, after all it's all we feel we have left of them. It takes time to find the memories that don't break our heart even more than it's already broken. Another normal for an abnormal horrendous life. Sharon

nowjustme 03/16/2013

Its the little thing like even a sunny day that b rings me to tears. Just thinking how we could be together on this nice day. The I will look at a wall he painted or just anything he did or touched and it sends in to crazy land. I don't know when this will ever get better, it feels worse as time goes on.

morgal 03/16/2013

I still have my Mike's Health Care Proxy.....I just can't seem to throw it away.

Jeff-Bolen 03/16/2013

I have been saving anything and everything with her writing and signature on it. These things remind me she WAS here and lived. I never want to forget.

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