Believe me, I know what you mean. It sucks, it sucks, it sucks. It is so difficult to get motivated to do anything. Don't be afraid to reach out. We're all in the same boat. Vent, complain, cry, scream, we all know how you feel.

Make plans to do something. My husband's 1st. anniversary of his death I left town. Got a hotel with a swimming pool and a hot tub. I don't know if it worked. I thought of him and I was sad but I wasn't in my home where maybe I could have been reminded more. I donno? I thought it was good for me.

Thank you for your support. I really need as much as I can get!

I know that grieving is a process that has no time table, but it is so hard to continue on and there seems to be no end to the pain. It would have been a lot easier if I just died with him.

I was recently in the same hospital and floor that he passed due to a friend who had heartbeat irregularity. In fact, he right across from the room where my partner passed. I was able to visit him without falling apart. He is OK, but couldn't find the cause of the irregularity.

I miss my partner so much, I don't know what to do many times.

I think at times we have all just wanted to go and be with them. But I hang in there because the last thing he would want me to do is put our children and grandchildren through anymore! I wish I could say how to move on. I have no clue I just get through each day some are good, some are really bad and most are just okay! I hang on for those okay days! My year is up on the 6th of march. I miss him as much as the first day. I have learned to handle it better most of the time! Hugs!

I think we all have felt as you are feeling at one time or another so please know that you are not alone. We all handle grief in our own personal way so I hope you find what will help you through this time. For me, one thing that helped was finally realizing that even though my husband has gone, I am still here and my purpose here has not yet been fulfilled. I work at fulfilling that purpose. I'm so sorry for your loss of your partner.

My heart goes out to you. The anniversaries are so hard. I think you are doing pretty good, though. You found this site, which is helpful. Honestly, for me it's been 15 months since my husband died and I'm just starting to reach out to people. Hang in there and be thankful for the memories. Someone told me once that it you didn't love that person so much, it wouldn't hurt so bad.
Shelly

The fact that you are thinking ahead is a postive thing. It shows you want a positive experience on that day. Sometimes I have ignored the upcoming dates and then just try to hang on until the day is over, which is not a very good strategy. Yours is much better. On my husband's first birthday after he died, I signed over his car title to a woman who was trying to take care of her ailing mother and disabled daughter. And in that way, I tried to do something good, something he, with his generous spirit, would have supported. On other holidays, I have gone and been with his mother, or planned trips to his favorite places. What you do does not matter, as long as what it is honors him.