Squeege, at a month the last thing you should be thinking about or worrying about is future love. Seriously. Because you are so young, you are likely getting an awful lot of the "you're young, you'll find somebody else" comments. I expect that's part of what's driving this topic for you. Guess what? We ALL got those comments, even me and I was 50 at the time that Cliff died. I wasn't ready to think about another relationship -- how could I be?? Cliff and I were together for 30 years, he was the father of my children, we had practically grown up together, had been to hell and back together -- people are not replaceable. It's not like buying a new pair of shoes.

I will tell you this - I love both my husbands with all my heart. It's like having two hearts. I promised Cliff I would love him 'always and forever' - and I do. He is not forgotten, his life is not dismissed, our history together is not erased.

But please don't worry about this at this stage. You will find a hundred ways of honoring her and the love you share.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

yes, that all makes sense. Probably shouldn't have posted it but it was bothering me. Maybe for me it's how she left this world, she left confused and unsure if i love her

Squeege it's good to post these feelings. But I want you to remember something, for later, but also to help you now.
When she fell in love with you and why. Also what made you that person that fit...your personality, drive, interests, ways of joking around? All these were you before you even met her.
Those things are still there...just adding some extra life lessons.
You know what love is. you know what true pain is you know you were worth loving. If that is what you have added...here are the pay offs.
You will be more empathetic
you will see deeper into others hearts
You will feel more compassion with others plights.
You will know when and if the next person is tight or not.

That's a lot of bonus knowledge and traits that now make you even more special.

It is too early yet, the hurt too raw. I can tell you that the person, your wife, is always part of you from what you learned about loving and giving of yourself. Also how she loved and gave to you.

So for now just try to reconnect with the you inside and continue to build the you on the outside with you own new knowledge as part of the mortar.
Today is 21 months for me. John will always be part of me and in my heart. And yes I am still in love with that man.
But I have seen others in my shoes get surprised by love . A lot. Because they are now smarter and all those other things that I listed. And the confidence the knowledge brought. They are deeper and easier to communicate with. As well as forgiving of faults, because they know we all are human..... and here's the biggie that caught them

They can recognize it in others more easily. Then they trip across someone that also get's it and them...boom.

Many have gone on to new lives with another, always aware that they had and know what the real thing is.

So for now, hugs of comfort, I know that stubborn painful feeling of ..."What could possibly ever compare", because in many ways, nothing. But what was great about her may also be with in someone else...don't beat yourself up, this has already beat you enough. If it happen it happens. If you love her for the rest of your life it should be with joy, not as a sentence.

Jewell.

* right! or not!

I feel the same way. People say 'youre so young, there will be someone else' I want to yell at them "f u!' I am way to early in my journey of grief to even consider another in my life but i do know that at 28 a lot of life runs before me. I feel guilt even thinking about the possibility that i may find another. I also feel like no one else could love me like Eric did. I feel like I am broken goods, how could i fully commit to someone when my heart will always and forever be Erics? I just want my love back and be with him.

Hi Squeege: It is perfect fine & good that you made this post. That is what this site is for. What you have said may really help someone else. Also it is really a good thing to get your honest feelings out and discuss them.

Whether you ever date again is completely up to you. Whatever is right for you is simply "right". My brother has been widowed for four years. He has no desire to date. He is busy with many community events, travels a lot, visits his children & grandchildren, he has many hobbies and he has even tried sky diving. So whatever you chose in time is totally up to you.

I have been widowed for almost 3 years. I am not in any relationship and probably will never be. My goal is simply to find where I fit in to life now. At 2 1/2 years I tried a couple of times meeting people for coffee. It felt very strange and I was more lonely afterwards than before. This may change in time but for now that's how it is.

Cliffskat really gave you some good advice. Just be kind to yourself and give yourself lots of time to get your feet on the ground.

Hugs to you.

I think your feelings are perfectly normal no matter what your age.

Even for us older folks, age 63 3/4 many tell me its time your find some one else in your life. Our life experiences to me at a later age makes you unsure if you want to be someone else for someone or put up with someone else yet being alone sucks too.....

I know I will always be lucky I found Roger and shared so much with him, always...and no matter what I will remember it all forever...
AND I still when I met up with him will kick his butt for the messy garage he left me (just saying)

However you feel you feel and work through it in your own time

You can never post your feelings and have them wrong to be shared and I know Martha wasn't implying that. It's just too early to worry about what the future holds when we're trying to get through the day. The future is unknown and we have learned that the hard way. Let the future come as it does and we can deal with it then. Sharon

Martha said it so well.

You're in my prayers.

Hello Squeege,
I for one am glad you posted this, it is exactly the way I feel (except the life sentence), and has been helpful to me. I am 59 and my wife has been gone just over 6 months, and I have been told the same old line about being young and finding someone else. Like you, I don't want to find anyone else. She still is the love of my life, but the loneliness and emptiness are sometimes overwhelming. Hang in there and wait and see what God has planned for you, who knows....
Take care and thanks for the post.
God Bless
Ivan

Your post is exactly what this site is all about. Were all in pain and confused as to what our life holds. I'm at 10 months and I decided right away I wouldn't think about the future for a year and just concentrate on me and my kids and try to work on my grieving. And even when I do start to move forward I will be looking for friends and let things go where they may.

Best wishes,
Russ

Squeege I am at 3 months and just yesterday a co-worker asked me if I thought about finding someone else...not necessarily to marry but for companionship. I was completely shocked because my very obvious answer is NO WAY! I also feel like I would be dishonest if I would give my heart to some one else. My husband and I had often talked about what we wanted done with our remains and it was that we would always be together. I'm 48...and likely to have many years ahead of me. It is realistic that at some point I will feel differently but right now, no way is still the answer!

I absolutely loved being married...............to Bill. And I can't imagine being with anyone else because (speaking for me only) - it would feel like a betrayal. So I can't wrap my head around the thought of giving my heart to someone else. But I am already 64 and that makes it easier because it's the time in my life when I am busy with work, grandkids, caretaking MIL and my mom.

I am 26 and a mother of two babies. I know I will not date until they are much older and start leaving me alone to be with friends and activities...I want to raise them the way john and I wanted too...without influence from another man. John is my one true love. we went through so much and grew closer than possible. he didn't work so we had so much time together... But I also know that I don't want to be alone for possibly 60 years. I also know that I will never remarry. Before john passed I was super hormonal since I was 8 months pregnant and made him promise we would be buried together. my mom step-mom and grandmother are all buried alone because their spouses remarried. I will be buried on top of my husband at the veterans cemetery. I told him that he could never escape me...not even through death and I meant it. even if I find some one someday when I am older, john will always be the biggest piece of me. he is the father of my sons, my first kiss, and my only husband. I even have a letter he wrote me and his name tattooed on my foot. he is my other half... but I think someday in the far future I will let someone else be a companion to me too.

Different for everyone, the same as grieving is. I am 64 3/4 also, married since I was 16. Was caregiver for many years. Now, I am alone, what if I live to be 87 like my parents? I don't want to live the next 20+ years alone. Then there is no promise that a new husband or I will be around more than a couple of years?....we never know...I am not "looking", but not shutting down my heart either.