John, I think it's true that many of those who were here for a long time simply moved on into the next chapter of their lives. Bur I also feel that when the format of this forum changed, it scared a lot of people away.
When I was suddenly widowed, I went to many online forums looking for the help I so desperately needed. I live in a small rural community and had nowhere to turn for guidance from anyone who had lost a spouse. When I found DS, I felt that I had found a loving family that was there for me at a time when I was not sure I could live another moment. I was still in a very low place when the new format came along. Losing the old DS was like another death in the family. That may sound strange, but change is so hard when you're grieving, and this was a big change. This format is much harder to navigate. It was especially so in the beginning, and I think a lot of members just gave up, even some who had been here a long time.

I have been able to move forward on this journey, but I have a long way to go. I'm lucky in that I have been able to keep in touch with friends I met here, but I deeply miss those who had been here for a long time and had so much wisdom and strength to share.

Hugs to you,
Linda

Johnnie, I love this post and I hope that it will give some people hope even when it seems hopeless…

You know of what you speak. You have been walking this road for over three years now and have gone through most of what everyone here is or has experienced. From the very low to the very high… somehow from the dark depths of grief you have powered forward like no one I have ever known before. You sought help when you needed it, you did your homework following their suggestions (which helped immensely), you pushed yourself back into society by volunteering and making new friends in your new town. So many new people there care about you now and look forward to seeing you and the artistic sculpted creations that you have started to make once again. You found a passion and you have built on that. I'm so very proud of you. It wasn't easy and it wasn't fast....but even at the end of your rope, you never gave up and eventually decided that you wanted more from your new life than just keeping it in neutral for the rest of your days.

Yes, the silent majority here does give me hope and hope for those who follow in the path of their choosing, to somehow carry on and be content with their choices.... choices that no one ever wanted but yet we were still left to deal with.

It does do my heart good however to see those who have been here for a while, still share their experiences, good or bad along this journey that we have all been put upon. It can be very enlightening to see that even the strongest can stumble and regain their strength and the weakest can triumph and stay strong!
Whether someone chooses to stay or to go is a personal choice that I hope will be beneficial for them in either case.

Love and hugs to you always brave man,
Darcie

“Always have faith in yourself. It is not easy to live life sometimes and face the world with a smile when you’re crying inside. It takes a lot of courage to reach down inside yourself. Hold on to that strength that’s still there and know that tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities. If you can just hold on long enough to see this through, you’ll come out a new person – stronger, with more understanding and with a new pride in yourself from knowing you made it.” ~ Kathy Obara

As they say, "Life is for the living". Life is also what you make it. It's like being mildly shocked with electricity, we know that a little only affects you a little, more alot, and bigger, catastrophic. Sometimes its very slow to recover when shocked significantly/catastrophically, but not impossible. Like you said, you have to be an active participant, to reap the benefits. We all know our soulmates, would want us moving forward/pushing ahead in life. To enjoy, have peace, love, laugh, and smile again. Sometimes, despite our greatest efforts, we slip and fall every now and again... and that is ok too. As long as we pick ourselves up,, and realize... after all we are only human, but with the capacity to overcome many obstacles, traumatic events, the death our our loves....we can live again, without guilt, and fear, and with total faith in knowing we are doing what our spouses would want, and would be proud of us for doing. "Living again"

I do believe that we have to allow ourselves to distances ourselves, from certain circumstances, that wont allow us to heal, process, and breathe , in order to learn how to live again, without our soulmates.

Much love and big hugs, carla

All so true, John. Deciding to live life is a choice we all have to make. And I understand the many out there that stay put, just waiting to meet up with their departed one. Seems to me that the older we are when widowed, the more likely it is that only minimal effort is extended to construct and assimilate into a new life. I think we all reach a point in our grief to move forward or not. Your thoughts are well received. ~~~ Scottie

Thank you for writing this. It is life-affirming. Every day, every moment brings new challenges: pain, fear, sorrow, but also hope, and the possibility of living again.