At 66 years of age, I have experienced the loss of my spouse twice. My first husband passed away when I was 39. He was 40. We had two boys aged 6 and 8.  He was in perfect health and died in a train accident. All the plans we had made  for our future and the future of our children died on that fateful April 13 day 26 years ago. 

The reality of what had happened did not sink in until a year later. I could not cry at first but a year after his death when it finally did hit me, I cried for a whole week. When he first passed away, I wanted to die also, but I had two little ones who depended on me. As they kept telling me in their Mother's Day cards, I was all they had.  I tried to keep myself busy so I would not think about the loss. My electronics business kept me on the go since I had to travel all over the world, with my children on many occasions coming along with me. When I was home, I would clean the house incessantly. Our large home took 12 hours to clean. I would also do the yard, anything to keep me from thinking about my late husband. The nights were the worst so I would keep going through the day until I would just collapse in my bed long after putting the boys to sleep. 

When a spouse dies, everyone is supportive at first but soon they all have to go back to their own lives and we have to deal with the loss on our own. Because I was only 39, friends and family started a campaign to get me to start dating again.  For me, that was out of the question. I was not ready. I needed time to heal, to accept, to allow my heart to open up once again to the possibility of allowing another person into my life. 

Two years after my husband died, a mutual friend introduced me to my second husband. At the urgence of my family and my sons who longed to have a dad once again, I married a second time. I was not in love with him and he knew it, but he filled a void in my life and he loved my sons and helped me raise them. He passed away of pancreatic cancer in 2001. 

Over the years, there have been other relationships in my life, each one a stepping stone into helping me become the person I am today.  It has not been an easy road, but I have learned to accept the fact that first of all, we are not the directors of our lives, life directs us.  We just go along for the ride.  I do not make plans anymore.  I live one day at a time enjoying every minute and making the best of what comes my way.  

I have learned to love again and that was the hardest thing to do.  It took a long time for my heart to be receptive to this wonderful gift  once more. As hopeless and helpless as we may feel after the loss of a loved one, there is life after the loss. Take baby steps, don't try to plunge into dating right away. Let go and cry, don't keep your feelings and emotions inside and know that although the loss will always be there, the years will soften the pain and you can find love again if you allow your heart to open up and let it in once more.