The old expression is that "hind-sight is 20-20" - I think we all feel like we would do some things differently if we had it to do over again. I know what you mean about the long-life thing, too - one of my grandmothers lived to be 108! When Cliff died, I thought "how the heck am I supposed to do this another 50+ years?!" It's hard to do, but it's helpful to try to concentrate on today. None of us knows how long we will have. Try to make the best of today. I know, easier said than done....

I didn't have any medication for my grief. I did find that vitamins helped. If you're having sleep problems (don't we all??), you can try some chamomile tea - it's natural and safe, and just helps relax you a bit. I seem to have a reaction to most medications, even benadryl, so I've tried to concentrate on taking care of my nutrition instead and that seems to help.

I know the horizon looks very bleak now, but that will change. You just cannot see the happiness that will happen - we can't foresee the future. Not all of life's surprises are bad surprises. Don't give up.

Love and Hugs, Martha

I did take Zanax and Ambien for a while and it did help. I had no problem stopping the meds. I am not suggesting that you go the prescription route but if vitamins, etc. don't work don't be afraid of the prescriptions. You need sleep and rest to get through this hellish trip so whatever it takes.
I have thought a lot about what decision I would have made if I had known that Jim and I would only have six+ years together and if I had know how he would die. As much pain as I am in right now.....I wouldn't have missed one second of the love we shared. Loving him and being loved by him finally gave me a chance to know what true soulmates are and what a wonderful marriage is supposed to be like. To have missed that last chance with him would have been a far greater tragedy. Sadly, the women in my family all live to be VERY old and I would be less than honest if I didn't say that I fear the long sad years stretching ahead of me. But to have missed a second of my time with Jim......NEVER!

My soulmate and I were only together for 2 and a half years. We both had been married to others prior. Ive thought, with great jealousy, after Kathy passed that it wasnt fair that she had a ten year marriage before me. I was angry and talking to God and vented at him over it.

Then it dawned on me, even knowing what I know now, I wouldnt trade our two and a half years for the ten years of her previous marriage. After all, she and he stopped loving one another after ten years but she fell asleep head over heels in love with me, and vice versa. No I wouldnt trade my time with her for any amount of time with any one else on earth. And im just 39 years old.
As far as im concerned we are in this for eternity, so we will have our time together one day. im certain of that.

You had the chance to get it right and had a lot of good years - that sounds as though it could have been a wonderful gift! Even if the pain feels intense right now, it could be better than living with the what ifs and if only's and what could or might have been.
I know the last few years of my marriage were the best we had and I am so glad we reached that place and had such awesome love!

It is very hard, I do take an antidepressant and zanax to sleep even after 13 weeks. As long as I have insurance to help pay for the meds. and as long as I need them I will take them. The worst that can happen is that they may shorten my life, and so what. I don't wish myself dead but I can't handle no sleep and suicidal thoughts so I take the drugs until I don't. Hug, and peace, Donna

I wouldn't have missed it for the world. e had no idea, we always were in love, my only regret is that he died on me when we had such plans for the future. But what a wonderful addition to my life and to know he loved me fills my heart with joy. If I never feel love again, the love he had for me, we had for each other, fills my heart and will touch my life forever. I was so blessed...
I will take Ambien if necessary...sometimes thoughts keep rolling around in your head and you need to do something to quiet them.

I would not trade the years that we had together for anything...even though I'm without him now. Come to think of it, I wouldn't trade even one day of our life together.

I wouldn't trade a single day of it. We all die - Joe just went and did it first. Both sides of my family are long lived. I can't think of the next 50 years, because all I have is today, and if I think way ahead that's a sure way to drive myself nuts. My mantra, "today is.....and that's all I'm going to think about." Hugs, Marsha