Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I have a question for anyone who ever obtained guardianship of a mother or father. Basically, what was involved once you got guardianship.
Here's the backstory: I've had all sorts of problems with my paranoid schizophrenic father throughout my life. He now has dementia and have told relatives he plans to kill me. As his background involved beating my mother years ago, and I look like her, I have to take this seriously.
He's in no shape to take care of himself, so I desperately sort social services who, long story short, had him taken to the hospital and then I refused to pick him up. They wanted to send him home the same day. Once they realized they couldn't get in touch with me, they sent him to a mental health hospital that cares for all forms of mental illness along with dementia.
I got in contact with them and was told there was a hearing scheduled. I thought that meant the state had taken over. They told me to come to the hearing and I did. Turns out it was for the hospital. Dad is allowed to stay just 6 weeks more then he's out. I was told that I need to seek guardianship and find someplace for him to go. I was told that the places available require more than his income and that the rest will have to be paid.
If I start paying, I won't have anything left for myself which is extremely bad as I'm a widow with no children and no brothers or sisters.
So, here I am. And that's my question. I've never taken care of anything but a dog. I have no support system from family. I'm feeling overwhelmed already. If I take dad home with me, he'll eventually kill me. He's already gotten physically aggressive with me. Like I said, I'll have to sleep with one eye open. In addition, the stress of dealing with him has already had consequences in the form of two strokes. I was blessed that I didn't end up with lasting effects, but my doctor warned me.
Dad is 88. And most nursing homes do not want a patient who is mentally ill with dementia.
Here's the backstory: I've had all sorts of problems with my paranoid schizophrenic father throughout my life. He now has dementia and have told relatives he plans to kill me. As his background involved beating my mother years ago, and I look like her, I have to take this seriously.
He's in no shape to take care of himself, so I desperately sort social services who, long story short, had him taken to the hospital and then I refused to pick him up. They wanted to send him home the same day. Once they realized they couldn't get in touch with me, they sent him to a mental health hospital that cares for all forms of mental illness along with dementia.
I got in contact with them and was told there was a hearing scheduled. I thought that meant the state had taken over. They told me to come to the hearing and I did. Turns out it was for the hospital. Dad is allowed to stay just 6 weeks more then he's out. I was told that I need to seek guardianship and find someplace for him to go. I was told that the places available require more than his income and that the rest will have to be paid.
If I start paying, I won't have anything left for myself which is extremely bad as I'm a widow with no children and no brothers or sisters.
So, here I am. And that's my question. I've never taken care of anything but a dog. I have no support system from family. I'm feeling overwhelmed already. If I take dad home with me, he'll eventually kill me. He's already gotten physically aggressive with me. Like I said, I'll have to sleep with one eye open. In addition, the stress of dealing with him has already had consequences in the form of two strokes. I was blessed that I didn't end up with lasting effects, but my doctor warned me.
Dad is 88. And most nursing homes do not want a patient who is mentally ill with dementia.
Please take heed with the advice that Michele has given you. Those are the avenues I would pursue. Social services, Medicare/Medicaid, the Veterans Admin, your local county's senior citizen services offices - these are your likely sources of help.
If you are still unsure what your rights are under the laws where you live, then contact your local bar association and see if they can refer you to an attorney for advice on a "pro bono" basis (that's free) or sliding scale referral. Most bar associations have such programs, and many have special programs to provide advice for seniors. You can use Google to find your local city's bar association information. If you need help with that, message me and I will help you find it.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
Hugs,
Val
Truhal, there are certain nursing homes that have "Alzheimer" units where they will accept a person who has dementia. They have lock down housing, some in really nice, nursing homes. Also, if you have internet access, Google, "long term care system", in your particular state. I learned from experience when my husband needed to be in a long term care facility. I just googled, "Arizona long term care system", ALTCS. You complete the application, the social counselor will come to your father and do an evaluation of his mental and physical condition, and then will hopefully recommend that he be in 'long term care." And also, they do have a list of the particular long term care facilities that will accept this "state" system because it is paid for by the State. Good luck to you and take care. Hugs, Nanette