Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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baileyolson 12/09/2015

I just got back from the funeral for a friend. It was the first I have been to since my husbands. I couldn't sleep last night and spent the night the night worrying about how I could do it.

My daughter went with me and I told her if during the service I asked for her car keys, to hand them over with no questions. I had read here to plan an exit strategy. Well, I didnt need the keys. It was hard, but somehow healing.

There were dear old friends from out of town that were years ahead of me on this grief path. The deep level of compassion and understanding we all shared was like a salve for my soul.

I'm back home alone now and tears fall. Today they are tears of longing. Wishing he was here to embrace, talk with, and share the day and laugh. Oh how we laughed together.

It's been 4 months and the pain is more of a omnipresent ache. Circumstances can present diversions that break up the emptiness, but I know that emptiness and loss will always be a part of the rest of my life.

Four and a half years ago I had no real comprehension of pain, loss or grief. How do/did any of you deal with funerals and grieving friends so soon after losing your loved ones?

AfterMom 12/09/2015

I have not yet been to a memorial service since my sweetie's.
There was one for a Long Ago friend's husband 3 months ago. it's a 2.5 hr drive, and I did not feel confident enough to go that far by myself. I would have to drive back same evening.

cgriff4ever 12/09/2015

I fortunately have not had anyone that I know, pass on since my husbands passing. I am also hoping to not have to bury/cremate anyone, anytime soon. I'm sorry you had to experience the funeral, and all that went with it. I always say there is a reason for everything, we may not always know it, like it or understand, but it happens regardless. big hugs, and hope you have a peaceful nights sleep. carla

katrina777 12/09/2015

I too attended a funeral about two months after my husband died, the funeral was for a cousin of my husbands. I didn't really have a choice I had to go just because of who it was, so my exit plan was to sit in the back of the church. I did fine, lots of tears, but I am glad that I forced myself, there was some healing I think for me, at least it is one thing now I know I can get through if another one comes up. How did I do it? Force of will, didn't make the memories or the grief any less, in fact more so, but I just let myself cry it out. I guess I just don't fight the grief anymore. At just past 7 months it has become a little easier I think because I know bad days will come, but so will better days. Hugs. Katrina

Shrn 12/09/2015

A very close friend of mine mother died close to a year after my husband. I had attended a few wakes, but passed on the funeral. I thought I was ready to go to this one. Somehow it felt like I was attending my husband's service. I didn't remember the service for him. It was upsetting, but I think it gave me a sense of peace too. Sharon

patty6953 12/09/2015

It's been really rough for me. I lost my soul-mate David on Nov. 14 and that following Friday we lost a friend to cancer. Last week a friend lost her mother and last Friday another friend past away unexpectedly. Today, an old friend of my husbands who've I met a few times past away. I've been on an emotional roller-coaster. Another person I know through a group on FB lost her Aunt also today! Myself personally is angry as hell at whoever is in charge. There are so many evil people in the world that should have been taken instead of the good ones. But, as I'm told this is a natural course of my grief talking. He needs the good as well as the bad. But, it's also just so bloody unfair in my opinion. I haven't been to any of the previous funerals since they are in different states. The one of my husbands friend I'm not sure I can go too. I'll have to wait and see when it's going to be to even know if i can go or not. But, I'm not sure I'm emotionally, mentally or even physically read for it!

sandeestttn 12/09/2015

My husbands 98 year old aunt died. Same funeral home, burial at same cemetery. Same people was there. I sat with my father-in-law, and brother-in-law. I was able to go through the service, but the cemetery, I freaked out, and just couldn't get that far, neither could my father-in-law. It hit too close to home. I tried....Sandee

baileyolson 12/10/2015

Sandee, it was an incredible accomplishment to go to that funeral. I don't think I am ready to revisit the site of my husbands services. Just driving past where his services were held and don't think I can ever eat at the venue we served lunch after his celebration of life.

Grieving is such a perilous journey. I am so sorry you all are on this journey but so grateful to have you with me.

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