I know exactly what you mean. The last few days I've been thinking about taking a trip in order to have a few days to myself but I know as much as I would like to do that I probably won't because someone would want to come with me to make sure I'm okay or call to check on me every few hours. They mean well and I understand that but I think all they know is that when someone you love dies you need the love and support of your family and friends they don't get that sometimes you just want to be alone.-Allie

Good morning, Shaneslove. I don't normally post, but read often. Widow for 14 months now.

I totally understand and support the occasional need for 100% privacy. But just encourage you to take into consideration those who care about you when doing it ... when I felt it coming on, I told the ones who needed to know, that I was "going dark" for X days and to know I was ok, nothing to worry about, just needing to be alone. I stayed home, in the house ... had stocked up on groceries and such in advance. There were a couple who would text, email or call anyway ... oh, just checking in to be sure you're ok ... but I didn't know at the time as I'd turned off the phone and computer and wouldn't answer the door. LOL But it gave me the time to rant, rave, weep, and totally fall apart, without having to be strong for anyone else. I could (and did) totally immerse myself in my own grief.

It was so beneficial, and when I'd turn the lights back on (turn on the phone and computer) I'd feel so hollow, but an itty bitty piece of me had mended a bit and I could go on.

Be careful what you ask for, you may just get it. Im at 13 almost 14 months and would LOVE to have someone check on me just once a day. The loneliness is horrible. I feel like noone gives a damn if Im here or not. After he died I had people around me all the time. Then they were all gone and getting on with their own lives. And it sucks being alone.
Rachel

Shaneslove; I am taking a 7 day vacation, Sept 2 to 9th, to an island in the Mediterranean ... Majorca. I know no-one there and everyone will be a total stranger. In addition the language is Spanish. I have been there previously with my late wife, and I'm certain she will be me, so I won't be totally alone, and no doubt we can have conversations with each other without interruptions. Like you I needed solitude to take stock of any future I may have.
Jon

Amy,
Alone time for me is vital. I understand your needs, especially when we are surrounded by children and grandchildren.
I hope you get that time soon. I find it helps me regroup and get perspective on where I am on this grief journey.
Sending you hugs and love,
Sandra
I

I felt the same way and planned a short trip soon after my husband died. My daughter joined me. Sometimes you just can't win. I will say the trip helped even though it was the two of us.

feeling the same way, but have no vaca time left from work, between his illness and my Mom't surgery earlier this year. I have precious few days left and need to keep them as "just in case" days. I know my Mom and other family won't like it, but I really think either Thanksgiving or Christimas is going to be mine alone. My husband and I always said some year it would just be the two of us for the holidays. We never got that far. My mother is 84, so I'm not sure I"ll do it, maybe it's just a fantasy. Funny, my husdand I knew my parents only had so many holidays left (his had already passed) and made sure to spend as many weekends and all the holidays with them - we never thought it was his days that were numbered. Again, my new favorite phrase - so sad. But yes, I need time alone, no phone, no nothing. Just me and me some more. I love those around me for checking on me and the support network I have, but sometimes I just need a law and order marathon - lol

Perhaps maybe taking a weekend to go somewhere alone would help.
Take Care.

I am a person who likes time to myself. but even so, I am starting to get very sick of always being alone here without my husband. the kids and G-kids haven't been coming over because it makes them sad walking in and he is gone. I wish they would consider how "I" feel, being without him constantly. all alone here. except for my pets (Thank God for the dogs) but really, it is awful hard being alone all the time. monotonous. same crappy tv shows. I don't usually watch much tv. have had to change that, just to break the silence. but it is BORING.
I really hope my daughter can muster her courage to start coming over :-(

I don't think I want to be alone all of the time... but I have been so absolutely raw this past week that I just need a little time alone. I need to re-charge, because I try to be strong and not let my kids see how absolutely broken, defeated, and devastated I am and I cannot maintain this much longer. It is hard to grieve in small bursts of time, and I cannot do it while holding others up, and entertaining children.

That's one of the reasons counseling was so helpful for me - counseling was my private place to scream and cry and whatever. I didn't have to hold it together there. In fact, you make a lot more progress if you don't hold it together there. I should be clear that me and my sons did grieve together, but there were times when I was just falling apart so badly that I knew they couldn't handle it - the depth and severity of my pain. So some of it I hid and dealt with as privately as I could. It is one of the weird balance things we have to work out - you do have to let the kids and grands see you sad and grieving. It's how we teach them about love in some respects, and about family, continuity, faith, courage, a whole bunch of stuff. But sometimes you do need the break to just be alone with your own thoughts and feelings.

As far as outsiders or whatever, I was so glad to have Caller ID and voice-mail on my phone. If you need to, hang a "do not disturb" sign on your door, too. You have a right to be left alone when you need it.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

In the beginning, I did grieve with my kids, but they have made progress, and are adjusting to life without their dad. I hate to keep dragging them back into this if they are further along than I am. They had a different dynamic with him... he was their dad, and a great one. They loved him and he loved them, but they were always going to go on and have their own life. He was my life. our daughter is a senior this year, and she is our youngest. We were making plans for after she graduated, and looking forward to it being just the two of us when she left for college.
Before losing Shane, he was the only person who ever got to see me weak and broken. I hate people seeing me cry or fall apart. He was the only person in the world I trusted with that part of me.

I hear you.......I have felt exactly the same way. My son who is married with children of his own has a difficult time with my wanting to be alone. He's having marital problems himself and losing his Dad [who he confided in a lot] has been huge for him.

I totally get it! I need, like you, to just veg, get within myself, cry my eyes out and just be ALONE!

I hope you get your time to be alone and fall apart, only to rise out of the ashes and be stronger and more able to cope.

Roz