Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I miss him every second of every day... I always will, until I am reunited with him.
It has just been a very long day....
A couple of Shane's coworkers came over today... they had had a plaque made for him from several of his coworkers. He did work with some very wonderful people. I was surprised to see them today.... I am friends/acquaintances with many of his coworkers, but in all honesty, he was the connection. So, I do not see them often.
The two ladies that came today are near and dear to my heart not just because of the connection to Shane, but because they head the "relay for Life" team at the place where Shane worked, and when they found out "who I was" a few years back, they asked me to work with them on some events. It was a lot of fun, and I always looked forward to doing things with them. Last year... some signed copies of my books made quite a bit of money at the Relay Purse Auction, and I agreed to supply, sell, and sign more during intermission (with all proceeds going to the cause.) I am a cancer survivor, and so is one of my sisters, so it is something very important to me.
This year... I went to the auction... but as myself. I have essentially stopped working. I was there as "just plain me". They still try to include me, and I am invited to an event later this month... as "just plain me". I miss them, and I want to go, but I am just not sure yet. The hundreds of people at the purse auction were split... some knew what had happened... some didn't, because not everyone knows my real name... they only know my pseudonym, so had not put it together with the "accident" in our area. The ones that know, wanted to discuss it (they meant well) but it had been my first time in public since losing him. The ones that didn't wanted to know about the next book... and why there had been a delay. In other words, everyone wanted to talk about "it".
So now.... I am just torn. a big part of me wants to go, but another part of me does not think I should. I am sure there will be some there who think I should be able to return to "life" and continue working... and it just makes me feel overwhelmed. I feel like I am failing them, failing Relay, and just failing everything.
Sorry. Just feeling overwhelmed and sad, and lonely, I guess.
It has just been a very long day....
A couple of Shane's coworkers came over today... they had had a plaque made for him from several of his coworkers. He did work with some very wonderful people. I was surprised to see them today.... I am friends/acquaintances with many of his coworkers, but in all honesty, he was the connection. So, I do not see them often.
The two ladies that came today are near and dear to my heart not just because of the connection to Shane, but because they head the "relay for Life" team at the place where Shane worked, and when they found out "who I was" a few years back, they asked me to work with them on some events. It was a lot of fun, and I always looked forward to doing things with them. Last year... some signed copies of my books made quite a bit of money at the Relay Purse Auction, and I agreed to supply, sell, and sign more during intermission (with all proceeds going to the cause.) I am a cancer survivor, and so is one of my sisters, so it is something very important to me.
This year... I went to the auction... but as myself. I have essentially stopped working. I was there as "just plain me". They still try to include me, and I am invited to an event later this month... as "just plain me". I miss them, and I want to go, but I am just not sure yet. The hundreds of people at the purse auction were split... some knew what had happened... some didn't, because not everyone knows my real name... they only know my pseudonym, so had not put it together with the "accident" in our area. The ones that know, wanted to discuss it (they meant well) but it had been my first time in public since losing him. The ones that didn't wanted to know about the next book... and why there had been a delay. In other words, everyone wanted to talk about "it".
So now.... I am just torn. a big part of me wants to go, but another part of me does not think I should. I am sure there will be some there who think I should be able to return to "life" and continue working... and it just makes me feel overwhelmed. I feel like I am failing them, failing Relay, and just failing everything.
Sorry. Just feeling overwhelmed and sad, and lonely, I guess.
One hour at a time, and some days it's one minute at a time.
It's so nice that the ladies visited and they want to include you. You are loved, and you are needed.
And you are never alone.
Hugs,
Janie
"...Sorry. Just feeling overwhelmed and sad, and lonely, I guess".
How true and relevant. Let me join you in that sentiment. It is 21 weeks today since I lost Barbara, and I thought I was getting my emotions under some sort of control. But remembering that day I suddenly broke down, lay on the bed in which she died and cried for at least an hour. As you say, "feeling overwhelmed".
Jon