Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I think I have just about wiped out all my coping mechanisms. Today at work alone in my office. I broke down again. Then on the way home. My heart is so lonely for Ernest. I remembered sitting in the private. waiting room at the hospital. It was full of our families. There wasn't room for all of us. It was quite for a minute. I felt something like a balloon filling my chest and then a feeling of something rushing up from chest and out. I was paralyzed, thinking oh God plz No! No! No! No! My sister grabbed me was saying my name. Then the Dr. Was at the door asking for me and my sons. Minutes later our world splintered and shattered to pieces.
I have been trying so hard to keep control. I have my grand daughter with me and her small world has been turned upside down. I try to think about her.
I drive across a large river to and from work... I know I can't.... But have thought... If I had a blow out on my truck... would I really try very hard to keep it on the bridge... Would I really want? I think the survival instincts would kick in, but would I try to tamp it down?
Don't know how much more of this heartache I can take. My whole body aches to be with him. I cry quietly at night so not to disturb them. Oh Yeah my youngest son moved back home to help with Micki (grand daughter) and because he's worried about me.
I just don't know how much more I can handle. This SUCKS. Ernest was my rock. He carried me thru losing all 3 of my parents. He was mine. We were strong together. Apart I am hollow, empty, no feelings. Then this heartache hits and I feel WAY to much. It takes my breath away. I am so mad at God for taking him away from. He was mine. I belonged to him. Its damn near unbearable. Ernest always said I was the strongest person he knew. That he had to deal with the stuff I felt he would have been broken a long time ago. Well I am broken now. I know this because I feel NOTHING until my heartache overwhelmes my my ability to block it. I am so scared to just let go and let my walls down. Just let go and let it take over. I miss him so very much.
Scared witless...
I am a sensitive.
My father call me an empath.
There it is.
Bev.
I have been trying so hard to keep control. I have my grand daughter with me and her small world has been turned upside down. I try to think about her.
I drive across a large river to and from work... I know I can't.... But have thought... If I had a blow out on my truck... would I really try very hard to keep it on the bridge... Would I really want? I think the survival instincts would kick in, but would I try to tamp it down?
Don't know how much more of this heartache I can take. My whole body aches to be with him. I cry quietly at night so not to disturb them. Oh Yeah my youngest son moved back home to help with Micki (grand daughter) and because he's worried about me.
I just don't know how much more I can handle. This SUCKS. Ernest was my rock. He carried me thru losing all 3 of my parents. He was mine. We were strong together. Apart I am hollow, empty, no feelings. Then this heartache hits and I feel WAY to much. It takes my breath away. I am so mad at God for taking him away from. He was mine. I belonged to him. Its damn near unbearable. Ernest always said I was the strongest person he knew. That he had to deal with the stuff I felt he would have been broken a long time ago. Well I am broken now. I know this because I feel NOTHING until my heartache overwhelmes my my ability to block it. I am so scared to just let go and let my walls down. Just let go and let it take over. I miss him so very much.
Scared witless...
I am a sensitive.
My father call me an empath.
There it is.
Bev.
It's terrible and sad, but I know I'll be OK because of the love he gave me. I also understand your new feeling about "what if you had a blowout . . . " I flew recently (first time since I lost my husband), and I felt completely different from any other time. I don't like to fly, but this time, I truly was OK with the thought of the plane crashing. Mostly because I hoped my darling would then be there to greet me if I died. I get it.
Take good care of yourself.