Hey there everyone,  For those of you new,  I am you glad you are here, and can share, vent, scream, cry, and just feel/know you are definetely not alone, in this most horrific time of loss, of our spouses/bestfriend/soulmates.  It has been one year and 7 months for me.  My husband was crushed to death.  One moment he was here, and the next gone forever.  Someone, who I'm very close to said something so profound, but hurtful, but it did help.  I am in the acceptance process of this thing they call grief.  I don't like this process.  She said, one day, when I was so sad, and wishing he was here, "My husband is gone forever, he will  never be able to come back physically", but then she said,  I have lost three husbands, and I know each one of them, would not want me living this life in vain, nor regrets,  They wouldve wanted me carrying on, learning to love life again, not necessarily another spouse, but just life in general".  She is/was right.  I'm learning to love sunsets/sunrises, the birds, even the bugs.  I'm learning to love people in general again, and the smell of dew in the morning the smell of barbeque again.  I'm not saying things are all hunky dorry, no they are far from it.  I still have where I take two steps back, and cry and good cry, and talk to my sweet hubby.  I do know this,  life is only given to us once, no do overs, and I know my sean wouldnt want me not living what is left in this thing called, "Life", just because he is not here anymore to enjoy it with me.  I do believe he is here with me spiritually, guiding, protecting, and inspiring me, to "live".  So for those new to this loss,  I just want you to know, you are not alone, and you will begin to know that, our loved ones would want us to push forward the best we can, and that its ok to miss them terribly and even cry for them, but to not let that determine our destiny.  We still have life in us, and we can with determination, and our loved ones memories learn to enjoy, even if just a little "life".  For those who are not so new in this loss, I am so very proud of each and everyone of us. We have learned new things, maybe it's how to mow our yards, how to fix a leak in our sinks, or maybe how to cook, do laundry, vacuum.  It's about choice/learning and loving.  Bless each one of you, and I pray that each of us can to some extent heal, but mostly know that we are here for one another during and even after we have pushed forward to another level of our grief.  With love, admiration, and hugs, carla