Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Another morning dawns and I am alone. Today marks seven weeks since I lost my dear, sweet husband. I am so alone, even when surrounding by our children. Few seem to understand.
Last night, when I was talking to my parents, I was told to stop crying because the tears wouldn't bring "him" back. (See, my parents can't or won't say his name.) To me, telling someone who is grieving to quit crying is like telling someone with a cold to quit coughing.
The tears will not stop, they are evidence of my love for Gary and the depth of my pain without him. To simply get on with my life will not happen easily or quickly. I look at the plans we had as "just us two" when our kids were no longer at home and I grieve for that as well. We will never have that and I grieve for the future we have lost as well.
Last night, when I was talking to my parents, I was told to stop crying because the tears wouldn't bring "him" back. (See, my parents can't or won't say his name.) To me, telling someone who is grieving to quit crying is like telling someone with a cold to quit coughing.
The tears will not stop, they are evidence of my love for Gary and the depth of my pain without him. To simply get on with my life will not happen easily or quickly. I look at the plans we had as "just us two" when our kids were no longer at home and I grieve for that as well. We will never have that and I grieve for the future we have lost as well.
CRY AND CRY AND CRY! You have to get those feelings out, if you ever have a chance to become stronger. As a matter of fact I read that those who do CRY, are very strong!!! I needed to hear that, because I still have those moments where I can't do anything but, and it's been 9 months now for me. Everytime you let those feelings out no matter sorrow, despair, RAGE confusion, and yelling at the skies, it is one step closer to trying to heal a broke heart. For some it works quicker, and some takes many years. all are normal, but the crying is as you said an expression of the deep love you had for your sweetheart. And it is NORMAL and HEALTHY to feel it.
We all grieve differently, and for some the tears don't come, and then later they come in waves. Your parents are hurting for you, and they just can't stand to see or hear your tears. It hurts them to see you hurting. People will say many things to you, have advice on how to get through this, and much of it will fall of deaf ears, because unless they have been through this, they just can't understand. Try to remember that, when people say insensitive things to you. they just don't GET IT.
I'm so sorry for all your pain, and know there really is nothing I can say to take it away from you, but please know that you have found a wonderful caring place to let out any and all emotions you are feeling ALL will be understood, and listened to.
wishing you peace. Hugs of welcome Diane
Sally
I didn't want to be here, my daughter sent me...but now I'm so glad I am here. These precious people have helped me no end, allowing me to rant, to cry while typing, allowing me to try to provide a tiny spark of light along the paths of those who need it. Use us...we listen well...and I, for one, am glad you're finally here.
Maggie
Big Hugs
Ralph