I completely understand and agree x 100!

Our path is totally unfair and none of us deserves it.

After 19 months I still miss my husband all the time - many times a day. I'm grateful for what we he had together and that so many still miss him - a lot. But I'm making a new life and finding some ideas and positive directions.

Still, I am coping better and having good days. My life is changing and each new event which Martin will not share is hard, sometimes it feels lime a punch or a stab. It just hurts, a constant ache.

But, I do now see a future, a different one than we had planned but potentially a good one.

You'll get there Michele. You've already come such a long way. We all have.

Wishing you the very best

Sandy

Morning Michele....you are not a downer just being realistic! Everything you say I feel so deeply. Along with all that you mentioned that you miss..you know what I miss almost the most? Hugs... That big warm I love you hug. Yes other people hug me but in no way is it that same comforting one that I crave. To know that I'll never feel that again from him kills me. I look at his chair and it's empty. How can that be? Just like that...gone. Its so hard to comprehend. The worse thing we can do though is sit and dwell on these thoughts. It's okay for a little while now and then but at some point we have to stop and refocus. I know the nights are the hardest when thoughts run wild. I usually put the tv on low just to drown out my thoughts. So now it's a new day. We've had our cry so let's change up the day and try to make it a good one.
Love and strength to you Michele!
Darcie

Dearest Michelle, the truth of the matter is, our loved ones are gone. and WE WANT THEM BACK! I am trying to trust in something greater, something I can't see, smell, touch or hear, and it's so dang difficult. I have faith though, that is what keeps me going. Faith in knowing, that someday I will be reunited with my sweet husband, but for now, I must continue on this journey. I have some good days now, but very bad days still to say the least. I am so sorry, what you said, my sentiments would be the same. The hurt, sadness, and questions. I will continue on, as I know my sean would want me to be happy, not worrry so much, and laugh once in awhile, but it's still hard to not have him to do those with. My heart goes out to you, and to everyone here. I do know one thing for sure, without all off you it would be almost impossible to endure, as once my sean passed away, everyone all of a sudden didnt know what to say or do, all my married friends, I lost, because they say I'm not married anymore. Poop on them, but I do believe we are all here for a reason, and all off you are my reasons I push forward everyday. much love and big ole stinkin hugs to you michelle, and everyone, carla

Hi Michele,
Darcie said it so well. Sad will happen and those thoughts will come. The place those things reside is a place we may visit. Strangely, we might even find a bit of comfort there sometimes but it's hard and lonely and no place to live. A future, much better than this present, is out there and no one else can discover that for us. To get there we must decide that for the next week, day, hour or even minute that it is there, waiting for us and we will claim it. The more we allow ourselves to do that the easier getting there will be. Our loved ones would want nothing less than the best for us.
Peace and ((hugs))
~John

Your so spot on Michele..

On Saturdays has always been my shopping day & Larry use to say
Saturdays is your shop till you drop day.... And I so looked forward to coming home to show all the fun things I found & now I come home and cry because he's not here. I still try, but all the fun is gone...

Take care JoAnn

Whoever coined the phrase "one day at a time" was a very wise person. That's all we can do to get through this painful journey.

I hope we all have a good day today. Great would be better, but it is what it is.

Ruth

One day very early in my grief, I decided I needed to get out. I needed some things, so I went to Target. I noticed a woman who kept looking at me, but I was still in such a fog, I just ignored it. When I got to the checkout counter, she was behind me.

She asked if I was the one whose husband had died so suddenly. I said yes, hoping she going to have some words of comfort. Well....these were her words. "Ya never know, do ya?" I could only shake my head no. Her next words were, "And it never gets any better. Ya just go on for your kids."

I got my stuff paid for, and got out of there okay. I was even able to drive home and get into my house before having a total meltdown.

That was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever done to me. But it was also a moment in time when I made a decision that I would never let my husband's death turn me into a bitter, mean old woman. That would be the ultimate betrayal of the life we shared.

I've gotten to know you pretty well here, and one thing I know is that you will not become a bitter old widow. That's just not you. That lack of caring you feel right now is just a part of grief, and we learn to care again, it just takes time.

This awful journey messes with every emotion we feel. I miss my husband so much most days I wonder if I'm going to make it. Then I'll have an okay day and feel some hope, only to be kicked in the stomach with reality once again. I get so scared thinking of the future that my anxiety takes over, and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

But through it all I do think I'm going to make it back out into the light, and I know you will too. We all have to do it at our own pace.
And we all have to grieve in our own way. I am at almost 10 months, and there are folks here who have had a lot less time but are doing so much better. That used to bother me a lot, but now I realize I have to do what it takes to get through this my way, and if that means having down days, then so be it. This is the one place I can come and share those days, and I am so thankful for that. I will no longer apologize when I'm down, and you don't need to, either.

Sometimes I times I think when we apologize for our sadness, it keeps some who are hurting badly from posting.

am rambling, I know. Just want you to know I feel your pain as well as your slowly emerging better days, as we all do.

Hugs to you and all,
Linda

After reading my post, I realize I forgot to add that some of those people who are doing better than I am even though they are at a shorter time frame have helped me immensely. I am happy for them, and their suggestions have gotten me through some hard times.

Belated hugs,
Linda

In the beginning of my loss I could not go to the grocery stories we went to especially his favorite Costco. I could not go to the places we ate. Now 5 years later I can go to Costco and watch the men eat the food samples just like my husband did and I smile remembering. I even sometimes believe he is there eating. While it makes me sad still being alone not wanting to be alone I took those steps with help here to go forward, even backward at times still. I do not mind living alone except the loneliness, no one to have that cup of coffee and talk about our day is what I miss. AND the things that break down on my place. Yet putting my foot forward is easier. HUGS

I'm barely over 8 months, and been getting knocked by the realities of this. I may not even see it coming.
bit it is Always, always in and around me :-(