I am at exactly the same time frame and feel so similar. I rarely post but come here frequently when I need a "boost". Thank you for sharing, and I wish you and everyone here some peace. I know (at least I'm hopeful) that our lives will get better-happier. I'm trying to be grateful for what I had and what is still in my life. Hugs, Lori

Yes, you are right BandiBlue. The loneliness is still there after 23 months. But I also feel alone when I am in a crowd of people. The only two people who make me feel alive again are my two young grandchildren. They unfortunately live on the other side of the world from me but I try to spend a few weeks with them every year and these two young children make me have some purpose. As you say the luck of purpose is with me too. In many ways, I still go through the motions but joylessly.

I too wish you peace and the return of some kind of joy in our life.

Im sitting in this boat with all of you....I don't like the feeling of loneliness but am slowly learning to embrace solitude...it is making me stop and listen.....stop and look........I feel that I am seeing many old things as new...I have not a clue what that really means and I don't really care...I am really thankful too for this site and every time I come here I take away something...I wish I could give back more and maybe in time I will be able to...one day at a time..one day ...hugs to all

I know exactly how you feel. The loneliness actually takes my breathe away. Carl passed away 8 months ago and I still have such a heavy heart which I know you all know how I feel. This morning while getting dressed I noticed a bottle of Carl's cologne in the cabinet. It has been there this whole time but for some reason I opened it and smelled it. Really bad idea. I was so overcome with grief I fell to my knees. Missing my husband with every part of my being.

Well, I had to write something for this post....twenty-one months on this journey without my beloved husband now...might just have well have begun yesterday....I still plan for the two hours of sobbing before leaving the house to go about the business of the day, the return to the house devoid of his presence, the execution of tasks to be completed for the running of a house to shelter me instead of a home to comfort us, you all know the drill....spread out in the world, we could have collectively written ONE message, and had it resonate in each of our lives without missing a heartbeat. Bandi Blue started with" the emptiness, the lack of purpose" and papagena carried on with feeling "alone in a crowd of people" and "going through the motiions joylessly; looking for the return of some kind of joy in our life". Luvron echos the sentiment of being grateful for what we had and what is still in our lives." Cottage speaks of the conundrum of trying to recreate the future, recreating the wheel; KimKos reminds us of the embracing of solitude; PamDen of the physical reminders we cling to of our loved ones ; and me....I just got done nailing a two foot naval anchor onto the diningroom wall next to the china cupboard near the crystal my sailor and I bought to toast an anniversary where I can see it every time I try to eat. Right before I get ready for bed and dab some of his cologne on his pillowcase. When does this get one lick easier?
When do these tears lessen? When does my heart stop hurting?

Awwwwww! My Friends, what can a wounded warrior of a woman add to all that you have said?

May I add, my sadness, my deep, deep, spiraling down the rabbit hole, heart of sadness!

I've NEVER experienced such sad feelings of despair in all my life. I've lost my parents [my Dad when I was quite young], cousins, some very, very young and wonderful friends. But losing your mate in life holds a whole new meaning to "sadness!"

I go to work [thank goodness I have that purpose], and I spend time with family and friends but NOTHING is the same, NOTHING!

Bandi, your amazingly poignant words truly resonated for me and through me. Thank you for sharing them with us.

We are ALL in this together, no matter where we are in our "sad journey."

Roz

Sorry to hear how hard it's hitting you. I'm glad I have my kids to worry about or I think I'd be in a worse place than I am as far as loneliness goes. I guess I would probably spend more time at my siblings houses if not. Then they would probably get sick of me :).

Hang in there...big hug.

I echo what each of you said. It's so lonely.

"When one person is missing, the whole world is empty"