I don't have words of wisdom but I do understand your feelings of being alone. Do you still work? Do you volunteer or belong to a church or any groups? Are your other children close by? I find that I have to make myself get involved in outside activities and that helps me not focus on my loss as much. I am replying because I can "hear" your fear and sorrow. My heart is thinking of you.

No I don't work outside the home never have ,I had daycare before he passed, I'm feeling like I did when my husband passed numb crying don't leave the house, yes I have 2 other kids love in same town,but he's my son I have aniexty bad that keeps me from being around people, the people that really loved me and cared about me are in heaven, I don't want to be in this house now seeing him never being at the table outside mowing watching tv . Yes I have fear and I'm scared Thank you for replying I just want them both back,

Sharjab67, it sounds like you would benefit from going to a doctor and looking into some anti-anxiety and/or anti-depressant med's. They can take the edge off and enable you to do things that you know would be helpful, and make further improvements in your life. Also you didn't answer Telynn's question about church or other groups. You cannot do this alone. You must get into outside activities that provide beneficial social interaction. Grief support groups are really helpful such as GriefShare, which is a national organization that has hundreds of groups all over the country. Go to https://www.griefshare.org/ and type your zip code in the "find a group" space. Its not likely someone will swoop in to pull you out of the pit while you isolate yourself, You need to get yourself into closer proximity of help. I pray the Lords help for you to do these things.

I would recommend that you see your doctor to get help with your anxiety. You probably need to have anti-anxiety medication, at least for a short time. This will help you be able to get out of the house and start living again.

You can try going to church or helping at a charity to start, or if there is a ladies organization near you, try something like that. Your life should not be all about the "baby" - it's not healthy for either of you.

If the house being empty is too much, consider possibly getting a pet. Having a dog who loves you unconditionally and also forces you out for a walk can be hugely beneficial. I am obviously a cat person myself, and my cats were a major comfort to me. They loved to cuddle, and they gave me another reason to get out of bed in the morning.

I wish my kids could move out. I actually envy you. My sons are autistic, so there are no girlfriends or wives, and no grandkids in my future. It often makes me feel like nothing in me or my husband's lives have amounted to anything because I can't "launch" my sons into their own happy, independent lives. Instead, I am having to figure out how they will survive once I am dead and they are on their own. It's not a lot of fun....

I am sorry you are going through this. What do your kids who are local say? Would they at least accompany you so you could visit your son in Florida later? You need to be reaching out to them, too.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Yes I'm going to try to get a doc apt set up, cause I'm losing it I can't sleep eat, and all I ant is the best for my kids, never thought they move away I always stayed close to my parents and family my late husband lived out of state but he chose to stay in our state for me and the kids, now I know how his parents felt being so far away, I know this is bad but I'm going back thru all tge feelings everything when my husband passed, and I know my son is alive but at this point he's not speaking to me, cause I'm acting this way even harder, I'm not financial set up if something goes wrong he always did it, the person he's moving with her parents are moving there so she's following, upset me he just throws us to the curb he's only been with her this time 3 months.i texted her saying how I felt and asked her not to tell my son and she did he is mad.so back to going to church I'm a little bit anger why why is he letting this happen to me I've had enough pain in my life these last 11 yrs since my cj passed. Im hearing every word you all are saying but I'm in deep pain I'm so close but I have 14 grandchildren 3 are really close I keep thinking about when I talk to my others kids here they say let him go mom he will see if it's for him I'm like this is your brother they say ya and he's a big boy I'm like it's a mom thing wait till you go thru this , my one daughter lives in Missouri but it's different this is my son like his dad

I am sorry you are having to deal with the anxiety and pain ...Your son is not doing this to hurt you I'm sure but rather to be able to live his life and make his own journey as it should be even if it's a mistake . I hope that you can have that doctor's appointment and that he/she may also point you to a support group as that would help you talk about your feelings .

After my husband passed , I was afraid for a long time and anxious. Had a hard time leaving my house for the basics necessities . My dd came back home and lived with me but we both realized that it was not healthy and fair for her or for me . I was depending on her too much and she was able to create her own journey the way she had a right to do so.

We both work at it, she moved out so that we could both grow. I know it's not quite the same, every one is different with a story that is their own so I hope that your journey becomes easier for you while your son seaks his own xo.

"I was depending on her too much and she was NOT able to create her own journey"

I understand how you feel about that feeling that never goes away. I'm the opposite. I've been moving on with my life for almost 10 years now and I still think of my wife everyday and I miss her so much. I figure it's a feeling that you have to learn to live with the rest of your life. In moving on with my life I have come to realize that there are situations in my life that will not change to my liking and trying to change them to my liking only made situations worse. I have struggled with those feelings of frustration.
One thing I have not heard you talk about is what do you want from the life you? Not what do you wish things could be like, but what do you want your life to be like? Goals, dreams, hopes, bucket list , etc.? One thing I have learned in 10 years is that I am # 1 and my successes and failures are my own and I made them happen. It's amazing what you can do when your determined to change. Good luck. Keep in touch.

I am a 58 year old widow of 2 years and am still going through the grief period . I miss him all the time but know he is at peace. I live in my house with my daughter who works all the time and my son who is an addict and even if he’s not doing certain drugs he still has the mentality and everything is about him. He’s very self centered and of course is sick so that I can’t expect him to be there for me . My daughter works every day as a 911operator and is so stressed when she gets home she just wants to go to sleep most of the time so even though I live with them Ian really by myself. I go to a grief group and have a couple friends that are also widows and had a job one days week up until a month ago so now I find I am missing the job I was taking care of a 93 year old lady one afternoon a week and miss her since her family moved her away. I know I should find something else to do to take up my time and I need extra money to make ends meet as I’m on disability. The one job I could have had I realized was not physically able to do. It was as a driver for handicapped but 4 hours at a time which I can’t do . I guess I will have to keep looking for something else for income . I guess I’m lonely! My husband and I before he became ill were together 24/7 running a business which folded when he had a major stroke which left him paralyzed on one side. He lived another 6 years before he passed away from liver cancer. All I did for those years was care for him. So now I’m alone and even though I have a group and friends and even still have my Mom alive which I see every week I’m still lonely!

Hi Sharjab67, I'm sorry that you're feeling all this angst. When we go through something difficult, it DOES often dredge up those same feelings from another time when we went through a similar situation or felt the same pain. When my husband died, the pain I was feeling instantly brought up memories from childhood when I felt a similar sadness.
It was hard, but by God's grace and with His help, I got through it.
I know that you can too. It can feel insurmountable, but I promise you that this new change is not impossible for you. You can do it.
God has not forgotten you. He is waiting to carry you as you take each necessary step. I know that you are out of your comfort zone, but it's okay. God is walking through that door with you.
Your son needs to grow up and live his own life, and you need to enjoy the rest of your life, free from fear. God can take your fear away, but He will do it by walking alongside you as you face it. He wants you to walk in freedom.
Do you have friends with whom you can go out for coffee or breakfast? Can you join a bowling league? Is there a hobby you like to do? You're still a young woman with lots of life. You can still have many great adventures.
Please don't give up on life now. There's a great big world out there waiting for you to explore it.

Sharjab67, if you're still here and reading replies to your post, I have sent a friend request to you. I also live in Kansas, and also have severe anxiety. It's been over 4 years for me. I would like to talk to you if you want to. If you accept my request, we can message back and forth. Those of us who suffer from anxiety have a much harder time with life changes and moving on. It is indeed a curse.
Linda

Hi Sharjab67 I have been a widow since 2008 so I know how you feel and I'm sorry that you are feeling like this, however I am concerned about your well-being have you considered going to the doctor about your anxiety and also maybe seeking help with a counselor? that may help you it seems like you are experiencing the feeling of emptiness and I know right know it doesn't feel like the feeling will go away but in time it will, as parents we want the best for our children and at the end we want them to be happy, even though he is moving away be thankful that he is still here, to communicate with each other, I think that if you sit down with him and talked about his future maybe that will help you understand his reasons for moving and you can give him the blessings I know and I get it you want him home however the last thing you want is for him to move out without him saying goodbye my daughter is in college 2 1/2hrs away and we talk with each other everyday in the beginning I felt like you but know I am okay with the situation I hope that I ease your pain a little

I truly am concerned :)

my first wife died at age 35 due to breast cancer leaving the care of our 3 small children to me. That was in 1970. It was my birthday just recently and my daughter sent me a text message telling me how much she loved me and I sent a reply saying how precious she was to me the first time I saw her after her birth and how precious she still is. You know I started crying as I wrote it because it brought back all those memories. I have come to the conclusion you never really get over a traumatic incident like that in your life. You might push it to the back of your mind but it's still there and affects you for the rest of your life.
Rogerxxxx

So last time when I wrote, I couldn't handle this, but on mothers day my son came and saw me, when I took him back to the girlfriend she kicked him out so he came back to live with me then in like 2 weeks they were back together for a week broke up agian in that time it had been 2 weeks and he got back with his other ex tgat has his 2 kids with him, so I was releived he wasn't going to florida now he could start over with her, but once agian he just got back with and she leaves july 31 so he says it's final he's leaving, cleaning out his room packing I can't do this . I have had some health issues come up since the first time he said he was leaving, I have fallen don't sleep don't eat can't be around people I start to cry. I know she will get him down there and kick him out where will he go, no money no car I can't and don't have extra cash . I want the best for him this girl is bad she has tried in these last month to get her other exs to go but they all said no were not getting stranded down there. My family is not talking to me at this moment parents cause of a jealousy big sister that starts trouble. I know my life could be worse he is still her that I can talk to him, but I should my son she is making a wedge between him and I easier for him to leave if we are in a argument. She blocked me I have never said anything mean just talked . I feel like he blames me for stuff, I have done my best since my husband passed. I have no emotions left I feel, I try to turn to god, but I know everything happens for a reason.

He needs to make his own mistakes now. You can't fix this for him. He's 30, right? Not a child anymore. I think at some point he will regret not just leaving you but his two kids as well. Your son is a mess, but you can't stop him or fix him.

You might want to consider being clear with him that if he goes and gets stranded that you will not be able to help him. Period. He needs to be responsible for his actions. You might also want to consider letting him know that when he goes that you are going to redecorate his room and turn it into - maybe a sewing room? Playroom for the grandkids?

You both need to make this break. It's painful for you, but he's being an ass. You need to begin living for someone else -- yourself.

Love and Hugs,
Martha