I am writing to let you know you are not alone with those feelings. I lost my wife a little over a year ago and have had similar symptoms to you. Lose of apetite, cant sleep etc. I have a 20 year old dgt. Shortly after my wife passed my dgt said dad I couldnt bear losing you to. That was a rallying call for me to try and overcome this. I dont have a solution for you at this point but utilize DS as often as you need. There are truly amazing people here with many insights. My guess is what you are looking for is a sense of peace and I believe we can all find it over time. Different things will work for different people. The only thing I will encourage you is let the tears flow there is definitely a healing element to that. God bless. Gerald

I felt the same way you do at one year. I'm in year four now. I have no children so I can't give you any perspective on parenting, but what I can say is that I think we are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

I take a look back at the last three years and I'm amazed at all the things I've managed to make it through on my own. My husband passed away after a long illness and I was his caregiver and managed to work full time during his illness. I look back at that now and I'm amazed at what I was able to do and do it as well as I knew how.

Most of my family and friends have told me they are proud of my strength and one of my aunts told me that she wanted me to help her through it when the time comes. My uncle has leukemia and she said she will need me to make it through it. At first I thought that was a burden for me and then I realized it's how she perceives me. If they perceive me as strong, then it must be.

So that is what I tell myself every day. Sometimes I have to force myself to not think about tomorrow or yesterday and just worry about today, but then I make it through another day and I can say that I'm okay.

Nessie from KY

I am so sorry for your loss and I can understand how you feel because I could have written this a year after losing my husband. Being here with others who do understand was a great comfort for me and I hope you find it valuable. You are among others who care yet you remain anonymous for as long as you want.

To answer your question, This is how it is NOW at the one year mark. It's different than the first months and it will continue to change as you
struggle through the emotions of each day. With the struggles you will gain strength and durability. The end goal is to reinvent yourself and your life any way you choose. At your time I didn't want to reinvent anything. I wanted my old life back. That's normal.

Visit often to read and post as your comfortable. I'll be here with our friends waiting. Sharon

Im coming up on a year since my wife passed suddenly. While Im better than I was then I still struggle everyday with how much I miss her and I expect that to continue. I dont have young ones at home which Im sure adds to the stress. I think your children need you more now than ever. You need to provide as stable a life as you can while also grieving your loss. Try to take care of yourself and find a little time for yourself. Come here often as we get it. Were here to pick each other up when we fall.
Best wishes
Russ

I too am at the one year mark. I actually thought I was doing kinda ok. But today I have to admit I'm still lost. Havent figured out the reinvent stuff yet. And I'm lonely for my husband.
Ive been having bad dreams with my husband in them and just really strange dreams.
Im not sleeping good and my anxiety is still there.
Ive heard the second year is harder than the first.
Thank God for DS and my friends.

I'm so sorry for loss as well. My profile is open so I won't go through my story except to say that it's been 17 months since I lost my wife of 40 years. We have 3 adult children and I can only imagine what you are going through with young children. It's especially hard for you I expect. But you have gone through a year and that tells me you are stronger than you think you are. I have found that the first year after loss is like a blur, a fog. Some things in this second year have hit me harder than last year. Valentines day for example. I was a wreck. It wasn't even ever that big of day for us but everything on TV, radio and any kind of media, emails the whole thing just bombarded me. Everywhere I looked, others had what I had lost. I'm just telling you this so that you know that this never goes away. Your Husband will always be with you and a part of your life, just not here physically. I have to remind myself of that. I have a newly recovered faith. I believe that was the last gift my wife gave me.

I have felt as you and still do sometimes. It does get less frequent but don't hold it back, you just have to let it go.

Hold your kids tight and give them all your and your husbands love. They need you.

Blessings, Jeff

Sorry for you loss. Remember you have to take care of yourself, so you can take care of your children. God Bless

My son was 7 months when we lost his dad. I understand feeling overwhelmed by everything. It's hard enough getting through your loss, but raising babies by yourself on top of that can be too much. It has now been over 4 years since our loss. The first year or 2 were the hardest to be alone with my son, probably since he was so young. It's hard to get anything done with little ones around, let alone no one else there to help. I remember breaking down when all i wanted was to get my supper out of the oven without my son grabbing it and burning himself. I would put him in another room and run to the kitchen and he would be there so fast! I finally had to put him in his room and close the door so i could get supper out of the oven. He was bawling, I was bawling...why did I deserve this!? I didn't plan to be a single mom! I was overwhelmed and angry.

It does get better. As the kids get a little more independent, it is easier. Also, you adjust to handling it by yourself. You will learn a new schedule. It will get better. But know, that you are not alone in the way you feel.

I hope life gets better for you. Even though it's tough to do it alone, enjoy your kids. They will help you more than you know right now.

Lisa

I lost my husband 8 months ago. We all get it.
It is devastating and indeed life will never be the same, but you have two amazing reasons to live for. I would say go to www.griefshare.org and look for a group near your place, this helped me so much. I would get a pregnancy pillow, the biggest one.. this helped me to sleep full nights, plus a mask. I still dont go grocery shopping. Period. Its very hard for me. I accepted help from friends that are happy to go for me, or lately, I have been driving to a different supermarket and getting 3 items at a time. it makes it so much easier to go in and out. I hope this helps. Dont give up.

I am very sorry for your loss. What you need is some comfort. You have found the right site. People are amazingly supportive here because they know. They have been there.

You need your strength for your children. They need you with them, of course they do. It is just over one year since my husband died, our children are adults now but they made it clear that they need me, their mother. Don't give up, I know, we know how hard it is and we will be here for you. Read the posts, post yourself, vent, rant, cry, do what you feel you need to. We can take it.

Try to take a bit of rest, "me" time whenever you can, accept offered help from friends and family and be good and kind to yourself. It is good to admit you are not OK, it is a step forward. There is no easy solution to our predicament, we must grieve to be able to move forward. You will make it, with our help maybe and the love of your children. Your husband is in your heart and always with you.

A big hug to you.

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 18 months ago & have 2 sons, now ages 9 & 16. My first year was so busy with the kids that reality didn't really hit until the second year. I am so thankful for my kids because I'm not sure I would be here if I didn't have them. They are my reason for getting up every morning. It is now my job to keep their father's memory alive for them.
Be sure to reach out to your family & friends for support. It took me a long time to do this because I felt like everyone else was dealing with the loss & had their own problems. Turns out they were aching to help us but didn't know how until I asked.
I also am new here and everyday I find comfort in reading the encouraging words of this supportive group. I hope you will too.

It's not easy to accept our new journey alone. The feeling of unfairness and disappointment goes beyond words. I understand that being single mothers weren't in our plans. We could live life questioning, lossing our energy in trying to understand or we could choose to live in Faith.

After loosing my husband 9 months ago, my pain was so raw that it didn't let me see the pain my own children we're feeling. All I felt was the desire of loosing my life as well. What I did discovered was that everything I felt was normal; normal for a grieving person of course. During this time I never stop and realize that If thought that my husbands death was I fair to my kids well what I was doing was worse. My kids had already lost there dad and here I was being selfish and only making things worse for them. Their lives were left upside down as well. There protection and everything was lost even me,their mother. This is why I decided to wake up, live life with my kids and for my kids. And I have to admit, I enjoy having fun with my kids. My kids are worth the fight and I know your kids are too.
~Sandra~

I want to thank you all for you words of encouragement, they have meant more then I can express in words.

I year is not very long. Those who have not been through this do not know or understand this - but the rest of us do know this. This is what can make it hard also - the lack of knowledge of understanding of those around us.

It has been a little more than four years since my husband passed away. It will get better. I went to a therapist once too - I also felt uncomfortable being as honest as I should have been.

No one is okay after only 1/2 years - and this is the place to admit it. After 1 1/2 years I ended up going on anxiety/depression medication. It helped me a lot. I was reluctant - but found my blood pressure going up even though I was on blood pressure medication, and would flip out on the kids over nothing. I'm not suggesting anyone else do this - just telling you how it was for me. It helped me feel a little more normal and as the nurse said - I would be able to think better - which was true.

This all takes time - and don't think your reactions are unusual. Many people go through what you are. So sorry......