Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
It will be 12 years for me come March 2nd. I am 51 but I feel like a juvenile. I have been an empty nester for three years now but I consider it only two years because a friend of mine rescued me. If she hadn’t I would have become homeless. Problem is I got attached and too secure. Now she and her husband are down sizing and need me out so they can sell their home. I am trying to be brave but I am scared. She said we will still be friends and she will still be there for me; just not under the same roof. I am grieving as well because I will be all alone again. She has no clue how vulnerable I am or how this is pushing me out of my comfort zone to speed up the healing process just so she can downsize without guilt.
She has encouraged me to get out there and socialize which I am doing and it’s been good for the most part. I may have even found someone to share an apartment with, but she is a total stranger. My friend thinks it is all so easy. She thinks if I wanted to I could find a man to shack up with in 4 short months. I don’t want just anyone. If I am going to open up my heart again I want it to be a loving permanent relationship not just a convenient arrangement or f**k buddy. Which takes time. Four months is not enough time. She said if it doesn’t happen it’s because I made up my mind it will not happen. Grrr!
Is there anyone as overwhelmed and scared as I am out there?
Everyone I seem to talk to who is a widow is better off than me. They have nice beautiful homes that are paid off.
Their homes are in good working order not falling apart.
They have kids and grandkids that want them around if for no other reason than free babysitting at least they have a purpose and way to pass their time. Because when their not busy with family they seem like they have tons of things to do. They never have time to even get a coffee with me.
They are also retired to which means they are free to pick up and go and travel and enjoy living alone. In fact they love living alone.
i feel like I am such a mess in comparison, and I know I am not supposed to compare myself to them, but I cannot seem to help myself.
I feel like I come across needy and desperate and envious, and maybe I am because I am comparing myself. Looking backwards at what I had, feeling like It is next to impossible to find someone to share my life with that is better than what I had as even a possibility In a world filled with broken an lost and lonely people who pretend they aren’t.
I want to move so badly, but I will have to shoulder that alone, as always. HIRE someone to do it.
I hope to move close to my siblings, but I am not sure how much support they will be either, having never been in a position to find out till now. I know my sons will not help.
It's bad enough to just be a widow alone, but I am a handicapped widow now since breaking my right wrist. Does anyone show compassion? No.
I don’t mind hiring someone to move my things if I have the money. They show up on time, get the job done without judgment and I don’t have to worry about details or entertaining them or humoring them.
The last time I asked my boys to help me it was an all day thing working around their schedules. I had to feed and entertain and keep us on schedule and focused. I was exhausted by the time I got moved in. I had no energy to even make a bed to sleep in.
A broken wrist will definitely slow you down. I will be praying for you that something works out where it makes this whole thing manageable for you.