Doc:
Yes, it is okay and it happens. I am going to bump a wonderful post from Martha for you called Two Hearts.

Hugs,
Val

There is nothing wrong with falling in love again. My only concern is that it is not actually based on who this lady is as an individual, but because of her close association with your wife. It is easy to be with her, she misses your wife, too, the kids are used to her - it's all very easy. But I have to ask -- if you met her for the first time today and she had no history with your wife, would you still have the same feelings?

When you have been married a long time, part of what you miss the most is the comfortable easiness of it all. Especially in mid-life, we want to be comfortable and content at the end of the day. A widower here once described it aptly; he said he had plenty of people to do things with, but he didn't have someone to do nothing with.

I would be concerned that you are trying to take a short cut through your grief to a comfortable relationship. I don't know - I am not trying to be judgmental - far from it - but I don't know you or the lady in question, or how the kids would take it if they found out about it. I am just saying, please be cautious and take it slow. Make sure you love this person as an individual, for her own inner beauty and wonderfulness - not as an easy substitute for your wife.

"The Great Debate and Two Hearts" is a post I did after I became engaged. I was widowed in November 2007. I remarried in September 2010. My new husband, Mark, is a widower I met in this group, he is known here as Acuriousfish and is a Community Leader for another board. So please don't think I am against new relationships - far from it.

I hope this helps. I know how difficult it can be to sort through all the emotions of grieving and loving at the same time.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

There is nothing wrong with a new romance. Starting as friends is often the best way to begin a relationship. That is how I met my wonderful wife Paula. We were both married to other people and getting divorced . WE started as friends and helped each other through the divorces. Then we fell in love over time from being friends. many people criticized our new relationship and called it "transition" and told us it was doomed to fail. ------Well , we got married and kept our vows for 34 years until "death us did part". It was the best marriage possible and she was perfect for me. ---So you never know. This may work out well for you. Try letting the guilt go and enjoy it for what it is.

If you see this friend for who she is and not what she represents then I say go for it. There is no need for guilt as you did not ask to become a widower. What I would suggest is that you take your time and let things develop . It would be a bad situation all around if you went feet first into a new relationship with this friend and then found out that it wasn't meant to be after all. This would make it hard on you and her but also your children . See if you can stand alone first . When we know that we can stand alone then we know we are ready for loving another. That's my take anyway.

My husband died after a 40 year marriage. I spent time alone and met a man later. This man and I spent quality time together as friends. We were both widowed around the same time, and I will admit he helped me greatly through my grief. We both were emotionally vulnerable.

About a year later, I truly met the man of my dreams. It was a different kind of love. Not based on the past, but on the future. We have been celebrating life for almost 5 years now.

Enjoy your life with your close friend and be good to and for this time. There's no reason to fee guilty about it. And let the future unfold. Sharon

All I can add is do what you feel is right. If it feels right then in most likely is. Your wife may be guiding the both of you because she knows you are compatible and knows how much the kids like her. Our loved ones have new ways of being there for us. Take each day as a blessing and see where it goes. Try not to feel guilty.

The post that someone bumped from Martha is so very helpful and insightful. I read it each time it comes up. I am not to that point and may never be but I know there are lots of people who find love and happiness again after loss.
Hugs

Thank you all.....I have much to consider......No....I do not wish the easy way out....but I do find it so hard being alone....my wife was there 24/7....I find it very difficult. Yes I do have many friends I can hang out with and do stuff,but it all seems so empty...........Yes thank you all.....I shall ponder this..........

I am early in my grief, for me to date, or ever remarry, is but a far far far notion, to say the least. I do believe, if the situation had been reversed, you would've wanted your sweet wife to carry on, and love again. She supports you, and the fact that it's someone she trusted, and was so close with. She would be even more supportive, for those same reasons. I don't believe either of you should feel guilty, and "Love" is the most important thing we can do in our loves, love completely. Hugs and god bless, carla

I am only just past 6 months, and at this point, I feel like I will never love again. At the same time, I am 45 years old and depending on how long I live...don't really want to be 'alone' for the next 30 years...(however, I have COPD and asthma...so it might not be an issue)...but if you love her, really love her...I think maybe instead of worrying that you might be disrespecting your wife, maybe try to see it a different way...maybe she would be happy knowing that you not only found someone, but someone she cared about as well. Just my 2 cents. Do whatever is in your heart..

Thank you both......it helps...really does...thank you

Go for it - you deserve another chance at love. I am sure your wife is happy for you loving a person she loves herself.