Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I just read something on Facebook last night and can't get over the irony of the whole thing. Some background. Every year my husband and his brother would get together on their birthdays for a big chicken and rib dinner. His brother's birthday is in March and Jake's is tomorrow. This is a tradition that only our two families participated in and we kept up the tradition even after we moved to another state. Their sister who lived another state away never came up even though her drive would have only been about two hours longer. The last birthday that Jake had, I called everyone and urged them all to come up for his birthday even though at the time we thought his cancer was under control. One or two of the nieces/nephews didn't come but everyone else came.
So fast forward three years and now his sister and her family are having a chicken and rib dinner on his birthday. I don't think she went to her other brother's birthday in March but they are having this celebration this year. I think his brother even stopped the tradition on his own birthday after Jake died. If I were talking with the family I would ask them why someone's birthday is soooo important after they are dead but doesn't matter at all when they are alive. For some reason this is really irking me!!!
So fast forward three years and now his sister and her family are having a chicken and rib dinner on his birthday. I don't think she went to her other brother's birthday in March but they are having this celebration this year. I think his brother even stopped the tradition on his own birthday after Jake died. If I were talking with the family I would ask them why someone's birthday is soooo important after they are dead but doesn't matter at all when they are alive. For some reason this is really irking me!!!
On the other hand, if I was in your position, I would be pi**ed! Now is too late and does no good for you or your husband.
Hugs,
Val
Jen
Hugs to you . . Dayna
If it gives them peace, so be it! No point in wasting time and energy on THEIR past regrets.
Hopefully they are aware of their MISSED Opportunity, to make a beautiful memory of her brother, which would have given her, so much peace.
. I would not get upset, she has to deal with her past decisions.
Hugs,
Sandra
Guilt.
As I read your post, I immediately thought she was feeling guilty that she didn't make the time to come see your husband for his birthday while he was still alive. By doing this, perhaps she is trying to ease that guilt - keeping a 'ceremony' alive in her way (albeit a bit twisted) to honour his memory.
People are funny - and as Val said, they often don't realize what they have until it's gone...
My own in-laws, from Australia, barely made time for Rob when he was alive. We were hearing about and reading about trips overseas to every other country but Canada... One SIL and her son even came to Canada to visit their other son, made a trip to NYC, but "couldn't afford" to come to our city to see her extended family here. It spoke volumes to me how little we were valued.
To protect my own mental health, I've pretty much given up contact with them all, except for the nieces I keep in touch with via facebook.
"They paved paradise, and put up a parking lot..."
His sister responded by saying, she came so many miles, if he wanted to see her, he could come there. He was bedridden. So, a week later he was in hospital, never to return. And same sister got mad because I arraigned the funeral without consulting her? He died on 11th, funeral was 14th. She said that didn't give her time. She got here in time. Some people are just so selfish....