I haven't gotten there, I am just hitting the first month, but I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your pain.

Mary I am at 14 months. Like you going into the second year hit me pretty hard. It was a bit unexpected because I thought I was doing ok around the year mark. I too regressed into a bit of a depression and to add to it I got laid off my job after 15 years.
But this roller coaster of a ride doesn't seem to end and I am feeling better about things. I have a couple of job prospects and am looking at that as new opportunity and was not all that happy with my old job.
It's a life of constant ups and downs and I try to be more up than down but that depends on the day.
When things get down I think of an old Persian adage that says "This too shall pass" but unfortunately it applies when things are going good as well. Being an old fighter I try and roll with the punches as they say.
I hope you get out of your funk but know it's temporary and I am rooting for you. Peace ~ Pete

Mary, I am also at 14 months and am really struggling with depression. I was so sure reaching that one year mark would make a really big difference, but sadly I got into a real slump. I am trying hard to do all the things I need to do to move forward, but this is a slow process for me. We can only do the best we can to get through each day until we find some light......and we will. Pete's adage is right. This too shall pass. I just wish it would pass a little faster for all of us who are struggling. Hang in there.
Warm hugs,
Linda

i never really thought of it until pete posted it, but this too shall pass equally applies to the good. In some odd way I found it comforting. i can't explain why or rather I should say I don't really have words to express why. It also helps to know we all seem to be reacting in a similiar fashion - makes me question myself less. As always thank you for sharing

Mary,

It's been 3 1/2 years since my wife passed. You have heard correctly. My second year was by far the worst. I believe the first year we are in a fog, a type of protection. The second year we start to come out of that fog and come to the realization that our loved one is really gone never to be with us on this earth again. My second year was the most painful one. I'm also not saying that i'm really any better now. I'm on that perpetual roller coaster ride and someday I would like to get off it.

Take care

Jeff

Don left this world 9 years ago this June after 40 years of marriage. I felt conquering the first year was a milestone, but surprised to wake up in the second year it "felt " worse. Looking back, it was more like different. My life hadn't changed. I was still alone, still heartbroken, and still felt there was no happiness to anticipate. I still had work to do. Not with the past and dealing with it, but with the future and how to deal with that.
Some move faster and others take longer. Neither are right or wrong. It's just what is. Year 2 is one of self discovery. Take the time to find what you want and who you want to be in this life. Find that single person he/she fell in love with. Find what makes you - you and try things for you, not for or with another necessarily, but you.
You can even try and say no and try something new. The world awaits you. Find your joy and pursue your newest version of living. Sharon

I am just now to a year and a half. I have to agree that the second year is worse so far. I agree with the other posts.... Every one encounters and deals with grief differently. Our CL's have said it best when they say its different as time goes on. Not always better or worse just different. I personally don't handle different very well and I feel "pulled along" the world is forcing me to go forward. Time doesn't stop. If someone asked me to describe what I have been though I would tell them there is no description that can be given. Sending you hugs and good thoughts

My year will be in August. One of the things I do to pull myself out of a slump besides praying and having my faith. I try to remind myself it is one step closer to being with her again. I hope I can look at year two that way, one year closer. My prayers are with you.
Peace, Tim

I have to concur that the second year is much worse. I took 50mg of Zoloft for the first year, then stopped because I thought I was fine. After 4 months, I decided to go back on the low dose of anti-depression drugs.

I think when the second year starts, your friends and family think you are okay - that your grief should be over.

I now realize I am doing everything alone. I am selling my lake home and moving back to the cities. That means packing alone, choosing a new townhouse alone, reconnecting with life there - alone. So many "alones".

Today I am speaking about my journey at a Christian grief support group. I was asked to share my journey. I guess it sums up with before I get out of bed, I say my prayers for the day and end with "God, let me bless someone today". He hasn't let me down. When I do have a day or weekend alone with my tears, God holds me, lets me cry and then the next day is better.

Wish there was a magic pill for the pain of losing a spouse.

Linda