I understand completely. Today the pharmacy clerk who I hadn't seen since my husband passed asked if I was picking up a prescription for my husband. An honest question since I used to live at the pharmacy because of all the meds he took. Mostly though, it is the stray mail that comes in his name or the telemarketers that immediately ask for him. I usually just hang up.

I would not have called them back, but that's just me. Also, I have found that on most voice-mail trees or recorded type calls that if you want to get to a customer service person you can press "0" and that usually puts you through to someone.

In PA, you have two options for getting your phone number on the "do not call list" which is to curb telemarketers from calling you. Here is a link to the PA info:

http://www.oca.state.pa.us/Industry/TeleCom/other/DoNotCallLists.htm

There is a National Do Not Call Registry for the USA -

https://www.donotcall.gov/

You can register both landlines and mobiles, and I would encourage you to do both the PA and the National one.

In the United Kingdom, the service is called the Telephone Preference Services (TPS). Here is a link for all my friends here in the UK:

http://www.tpsonline.org.uk/tps/index.html

I got a lot of telemarketer calls after Cliff died, despite having an unlisted number. I especially received a lot of "home security" company calls. I wasn't born yesterday - I knew these people were scouting the death notices for vulnerable and scared widows. I was offered a "free installation" and other stuff. Don't be fooled by this ploy. I told them I already had a security system, so no thanks. I didn't, but they didn't need to know that. Why would I confirm to a total stranger that I was vulnerable in any way?? Think about it.....

As far as mail goes, it can take years to get them off the mailing lists. The lists are not updated often. If you are receiving a lot of "pre-approved" credit card offers for your husband, it is worthwhile to call the opt-out number and register their Social Security number (and your own). This makes sure that no one gets a hold of a pre-approved credit card offer in your spouse's name (or your name) and fraudulently opens a credit account - this is one way the identity thieves work. I have both mine and Cliff's numbers registered. Here is a link to the US Govt blog about how to do that:

http://blog.usa.gov/post/3574254052/how-to-opt-out-of-pre-approval-offers

Some calls and mail are unavoidable, and I did get them for a few years. However, using the do not call registry and the opt-out numbers helped cut them to a minimum.

I am sorry you went through that. I think most of us have had similar experiences. It is always upsetting. Hang in there....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

It's like I posted in another thread - our insurance company keeps sending mail to my wife about health tips for her condition ( high blood sugar due to the steroid they gave her for chemo ) and she died over a year ago.

I just recycle that mail without opening now. It was for another time :)

Bob

Reminds me of a delinquent notice my mother received after she was gone. It was the third notice (never saw the first two) and if she didn't pay all of $37 and some change, it would be turned over to a collection agency. This really hit the buttons with me.

I called them and explained that she was deceased. I was politely told that in that case they would close her file. Really? Now let me get this straight, as I told the voice on the phone. If my mother was alive, you would penalize her for a lousy $37 +. But since she's gone you're closing her file? Does that make any sense? It still annoys me twelve years later. Some people are so stupid.

What I did to stop the telemarketers is purchase a Telemarketer blocking device. There are several brands out there but the one I use will block by area code OR by phone number. It will store up to 80 area codes or phone numbers OR you can program it so that only the people you want to talk to, can call you. You also can set it up so that your main phone will not ring at all but your extensions will if they are a different set and don't work off of the main phone. It has really been worth it to me. Now, I check my box to see who "tried" to reach me and just laugh about it. I don't work for the company but if anyone should be interested, I have the Digitone Call Blocker. Apparently they are giving up because I don't get near as many now as I used to.

We got several messages from Highmark when my husband was very ill. I called back and got a human. She said she was calling to see how he was doing with his cholesterol and blood pressure issues.
I burst into years while on the phone and informed her he had pancreatic cancer and we had been to the doctors office that morning to arrange for hospice care.
She had no idea, although they had been paying all the bills for chemo etc.

Yes, I was there too. I got so many stupid calls and they are very upsetting. I lost it a couple of times and got ready angry when they called After being told he was gone. It's the insensitivity of corporations trying to promote their products or services. Hang in there and know the person on the line is paid to do this with no knowledge of our situation. Sharon

I got Per Capita Taxes today. One for me and one for my husband. I was feeling pretty fragile today but I called the collector's number and told the lady my husband was deceased. She was nice about it and let me know what to do and even said she was sorry for my loss but being reminded he isn't around anymore ruins a whole day. Someone once called asking to speak to my husband. I hung up. Then I felt miserable for hours because there were still some loose ends out there and the call could have been important. The ones that bothered me the most were memorial headstone vendors calling to give me the hard sell at 7:45 pm, and people wanting to sell me a security system "now that I'm alone".

The evening on the day of my wife's funeral I was over at my mom & dad's for dinner. The phone rang and my dad said it was for me. It was an elderly woman who sounded to him like she must have been an acquaintance of ours. I spoke to her for a few minutes, making some small talk and telling her how shocked and devastated we were. Turns out she was a stranger posing as an old friend, but was actually selling cemetery monuments. Best we could tell, she was searching the obituaries, found our name, and called my folks because they are the only ones listed in the phone book with our last name. Heartless.

My wife has been gone almost a year now, but she still receives more mail than I do. Mostly life insurance and credit card offers. I used to really bother me, but now I just pitch it and try not to think about it.

thanks everyone for the suggestions and for sharing your stores. I have once again learned a lot. So grateful I found Daily Strength & such a wonderful group of people.

These calls allow me to let go of a lot of my anger = leaving it on their doorsteps. To put it bluntly, I make it an unpleasant experience for them which they do not want to repeat. Not nice, but the truth.