Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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FlorenceTN 08/04/2014

I hope to be saying that very soon! Most recently I have been considering changing jobs. I have become fed up with nonsense going on in the office and I am to the point that I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I have co-workers that make stupid decisions and they expect you to feel sorry for them when they get the rewards for their decisions. I want to look at them and tell them that when they keep making the same stupid decisions they will get the same results. Mean, I know, but my patience is at all time low. I have a boss that makes stupid business decisions and then wonders why he can't keep decent staff.

I have put feelers out for a new position. Hopefully I will have some results soon.

Do any of you have changes in personality like that? I know from reading Cindy's post that she has. It started when my Mitchie got sick. I worked and kept things together while putting him in the hospital 7 times and taking him to dialysis and my mother getting ill and dying and then Mitchie dying. I kept things together and went to work every day and did my job. Then I got to see the idiotic things going on in my office and I wanted to scream at them. Hello, just because your baby was up all night doesn't mean that you should come into the office and sit at the back table and do nothing all day. Just because your boyfriend left you doesn't mean you get to come in and be ugly all day. HELLO!

Sorry, I'm venting. Today was a bad day and I have reached the end of my limit.

Thanks for listening!

Flo

Katexyz123 08/05/2014

Boy it sounds like you work in a place very similar to a place I used to work at. I did quit. Of course now I regret that decision, but at the time, I never thought my husband would die a few months later. I was having health issues at the time & I was convinced it was partly due to the stress & drama from my job. I was really thinking I was going crazy from my job. I found out later that another coworker who also quit, actually was seeing a counselor. No job is worth that. But anyways, my husband & I both decided it would be best & financially it would be ok. Well, I quit in May (because I was told I couldn't use the FMLA). Then my husband died of a heart attack in November. Now I am very stressed about finances & I know will not ever find another job that paid like the one I had, not to mention I loved the work I did there but just couldn't deal with the co workers & all the drama. Funny thing, none of the original staff is there anymore. A lot of people quit. But what I am trying to tell you, please be sure financially you won't regret leaving if you choose to do so. Plus, do you have it in you to go thru the job searching again. I know I don't. I took a low paying job recently, the work itself is so boring. I know I could do better, but like I said, I just don't have it in me any more. So just think twice & don't do anything you might regret later.

silverfoxwife 08/05/2014

I am thinking about quitting my job too. I am on salary and they expect us to finish our work before we go home even after 12 hours of work. It is a new job with a company that had purchased the one I was working for. The problem is the work continue to come even after your eight hour shift is over. There is no end to it and every day you don't know when you will be going home for dinner, so you can never plan any life with what family we have left.

John1962 08/05/2014

I've become less tolerant of trivialities. I did wonder (and still do) what the hell am I doing this for? I used to work to provide a good living for 'us' so we could enjoy our lives together, but now I'm working to eat and function, where's the joy gone?

I can appreciate your point of view, when you watch people around you make a drama out of nothing. We are only here once and surely our recent experiences should have shown us this. I guess its easy for me at the moment and I've had enough changes forced upon me, so contemplating changing work would be too much.

I hope you can find fresh pastures and new challenges, it seems your current workplace is full of negatives.

Best wishes

J

sandeestttn 08/05/2014

I retired at 62. To take care of my bedridden husband. He has been gone 18 months now. I need to work to get out, but where I live in Tennessee there are no jobs, especially for a 65 year old woman who can't see to drive at night anymore. And lives 20 minutes from anywhere. A year ago, I worked as a security guard at a museum park, but had trouble driving an hour both ways in the dark. So I quit.

Shrn 08/05/2014

I certainly understand your feelings and I felt I couldn't return to my part time job after my husband died. Because I'm older I could collect my pension and social security widowers benefits so the option was available for me. I know how out of control our emotions are and how the things going on around you can be intolerable, but unless you have income to support your needs you probably need to find a way to solve that problem before leaving.

You want your decision to be based on your own circumstances not on emotions. Sharon

mel40 08/05/2014

I ditto Sharon. Emotions run very high after the death of a spouse. It's easy to have a low tolerance and lack of patience for others. I had the same feelings about my workplace. Now, I'm grateful for the job I have. People are allowed to have their own problems and gripes and complaints. I had to learn to step back and allow them that. One of my coworkers complained about me while my husband was dying. Formal complaint. I told my boss that I really didn't care. A petty, selfish person wasn't high on my list of priorities. My boss told me that this coworker was really complaining about her own inadequacies.. I had my bosses support to care about my family and function at work.
It's tough. I've been at the same place 11 years. It pays well and I'm supported by my boss. Those feelings of not liking it are long gone. Now, I can deal with the staff without the emotions.

cliffskat 08/05/2014

I would suggest you really take your time over changing jobs. There is a chance that you are going through some of the anger stage right now that comes with grieving. Yes, it does sound like you have some crappy co-workers, but at the same time I am not so sure they are worth YOU having to be the one to change jobs and go through all that upheaval. If you are angry about your co-workers, you have other options besides leaving that job. Have you tried talking to your boss? Have you tried talking to your co-workers? Unless you have a really good job offer elsewhere, I would caution you against rushing into any decisions right now.

The whole world is going to look stupid, ridiculous, and petty after what you've been through. But then it always was -- it's just now you don't have the emotional reserves to put up with it anymore.

I am sorry you had a bad day. I had a lot of bad days like that after Cliff died. I worked at the same job another 2.5 years. I got support from some, while others drove me nuts. I don't miss it one bit, but I feel better about leaving it on my terms than feeling like it was down to somebody else's behavior. I think you will feel better about it if you leave for something constructive rather than as a reaction to other people's stupidity and incompetence/laziness.

Just my two cents.... I hope today is a better day for you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

FlorenceTN 08/05/2014

Thank you everyone.

I have tried talking to my boss but he's part of the problem. He likes to keep conflict going in the office at the same time he says he wants a harmonious work place. He has double standards for the employees and doesn't follow his own rules. He makes a joke out of everything! It goes so much deeper than surface stuff. He has one employee that he allows to sit around 85 % of the time, while expecting everyone else to do the work. The back staff, can get away with so much while the front staff are called on the carpet for everything. It's just not a good work environment. Not to mention he's making bad decisions about his business that I am afraid that will end up with him losing it. I think for my own and my daughter's sake I need to find another job. I am not happy and my daddy always told me to be happy in what I do or find another job. I won't quit without having another job in place. I cannot afford to do that.

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