Hi. I noticed you have not had any responses so thought I would send you a quick note. I also lost my husband 2 years ago to Pancreatic Cancer. I don't know what is worse... to lose your husband suddenly, like you; or, to watch your husband suffer for two years, knowing that he is going to die. It sucks. Anyone who has not gone through this themselves should not be telling you how you should feel, what you should do, how you should be grieving. Everyone is different and grieves their own way in their own time. I am so sorry for you and your family. Keep pushing forward and know that while you will have bad days, or moments when you feel you want to just curl up in a ball in the corner and cry, you still have a life to live (and it can be a good life). Seek professional counseling if you need to. I found helpful information from reading blog posts from other widows, forums, books, etc. etc. I also have my faith which helped me immensely.

Hi , I was 48 and he passed 8 days after diagnosis , I was not working and left in financial mayhem so the first few years were survival fogginess while making sure everyone around you is ok, you tend to forget about yourself.
You may be able to benefit from a bereavement group or one on one counselling in order to work through another important phase of grieving...The part where for once you put yourself in the center of facing the pain head on.
Not being able to do so makes grieving that much harder. In the bereavement group I was in, someone joined 10 years post their lost and finally was able to start the healing process. I truly feel that until we can address the most painful part of our grieve, we are only existing and not living.
May you find the healing that you need. May you be able to voice out loud and gain the purpose that will help you once again live your life journey.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I understand it very well. I was widowed at 50 when my husband had a heart attack with no warning. My sons were 19 an 23, and it was hard going all the way around. I am sorry this has happened to you, too.

The best things that helped me was to get counseling, which I did through an Employee Assistance Program through my job, and it was free. My older son had counseling through it as well. My young son was a senior in high school, and his counseling came via his guidance counselor and school psychologist. We would never have got through that year without it.

Another thing that really helped me was reading a book called "Seven Choices - Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World" by Elizabeth Harper Neeld. I had read a few books on grief, but that was the one that helped me. I was like having a gentle manual on how to process what I was feeling and work through it. I highly recommend it. Your local library may have it, or Amazon and the other booksellers carry it. It's even available as a Kindle book now.

A loss like ours shatters so many parts of our lives. It will take lots of different bits to heal through it. Don't give up. You will get through it.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Thank you for your reply I will look for book. I have read a lot as well and do
Have a lovely bereavement therapist. I just feel as
I’m coming out of numb and robotic fog after 2 1/2 yrs due to the sudden death and I just wanted to be everything. And strong for our daughters., now I’m just feeling emotionally exhausted, but day by day is all I can do!

Single parenting is tough. Like you, I suddenly had to do two people's jobs while trying to hold it together for my two kids. It is emotionally exhausting. I had to take better care of myself just to keep going. I found taking a multivitamin with minerals helped, among other things. Stress wipes out various nutrients (especially B vitamins) which then impacts your emotional strength and ability to think through things clearly. I understood the mind-body link before my loss, but boy was it ever hammered home to me afterwards! Taking care of your physical health will help bolster your emotional resilience.

If you hate taking pills (I don't like taking pills), you can actually find gummy vitamins for adults. When I lived in Florida, I got mine at Target. (I live in the UK now, so it's usually Tesco now.) It helps keep your energy level up and also can make a difference to how well you sleep, too. It's a small thing, but it can be a help, and sometimes the small changes can make a difference. Just a thought...

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Dear girl, you have described my situation almost to a T. I was 47 when the love of my life died suddenly of a heart attack. He was only 49 and we had been married 28 1/2 years to the day. We had 12 children together and I still had 8 of them at home. Seven of them were still in home-school; so after a two-week time to rest, we had to go right back to "normal" life---only nothing was normal ever again.
Numbness is a big part of grief. I felt it alot too. I was only going through the motions for the first few years. My kids were too.
People would say, "Oh, it's so great that you have all those kids so you can all comfort each other." I would usually say something like, "We can't comfort each other. We're ALL hurting at the same time." My kids agreed. We were all in pain and suffered as individually as our relationships were with my husband and their father.
As you said, it's good to have caring family and friends around, but they can't feel the pain you feel unless they've been through a loss as great as yours.
If you need comradery, I would suggest that you look into a local grief share group at a local church. You will find others who DO know something of what you're going through.
I will pray for you, that you will find some joy today to sustain you.

Been a while since I last posted but your situation is sadly familiar. My husband of 28 years died of cardiac arrest with absolutely no warning. He was just 54 years old. He died 27 months ago. I miss him so very much. I wish you the best. One day at a time is my mantra. Hugs, Lisa

Dear Mollycav, How are you doing now?

I lost my wife in 2015 and still dealing with it wish I had some one who I could talk to if you need or want to talk I am all ways looking for a answer just take it day by day look after your self you have a lot who need you

I am very sorry your husband passed. Quite a shock that it was so sudden for you...I know that feeling. I am also new here....I lost my husband 7 weeks ago. I hope your daughters and you will be able to discuss your feelings with each other. They may have suppressed their emotions too....and need to talk to you or another family member. I came here hoping to find support and understanding and it's been really nice here. I hope you'll continue to vent and share what is happening.