Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My husband died November 5, 2020 91 days after he was diagnosed with alcoholic cirrhosis. It seems like 3 years ago. It was 2 months and 7 days. My grief has been interesting, I was in a rage for 2 months and now I'm crying over stupid things like old 70's songs and when I tell my dog how much I love him. I finally have memories of my husband other than the last time I saw him after he passed. I'm trying to forgive him for many many things that he had done to me, some I knew about and some his family finally told me about. It is so hard to grieve for a man that I'm so mad at, it's a work in progress.
I never would of imagined that at 51 I would be a widow. I don't really like that word, widow. The Widow Rhoades. My new identity.
I know I'm rambling, it's what I do best. I have no short term memory and feel like I am forgetting something all the time. I have become OCD especially about my house and I have this overwhelming fear my dog is going to die somehow so I protect him like a freak.
Now what? I guess I'll feel my way through the next 2 months and 7 days.
If people are coming to you with old news about your husband then it's rude and unfair behavior. He's not here or visual and tangible to defend himself against gossip. I know that degrading him may be interesting since he left you with so many unpleasant and personal facts to deal with. Yet it seems hostile to embarrass his memory with idle conversations.
On a different note, clinging to your dog is normal for comfort. However, the imagination of death is stressing you to assume that this beloved creature is vulnerable to death and dying as well. I suppose we all go through this type of strangeness, even now with the COVID-19 crisis, we are scared of stiffness with who goes next. There is a ritual of fear going on. So if you feel highly agitated or worried sick that this little animal-friendly pet will die, leaving you alone, perhaps speaking with a professional grief counselor will ease your mind. As a safety valve, in case there are diehard fears lingering on regardless of logical thinking, a smart choice is to make plans to go to a therapist for help, or talk with a few trusted friends; let them know, likely many will offer useful ideas to help transition the pain to safe-thinking.
I hope you a pleasant day today :-)
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