I understand some of what you mean. The hospital my husband was in before coming in was a teaching hospital. The number of residents and interns and students and i cannot imagine who else that would come in to explain any small thing would confuse and anger me. Praying that you find some peace.

I think I would still talk to a lawyer about it.....Maybe it would save the next person? My prayers for you

It is best not to dwellll
I know now what they didn't know until the results of third biopst(they didn't get enough) That small cell cancers, the area needs to be flushed with a chemo solution to prevent the cells from going blood borne. Those small little aggressive cancer cells are able to land anywhere and start a new march. But he was stage 4, terminal 14 days later when all results came in. There are some that just take longer to do. So if he was sick, in pain they would try to find out why if treatment didn't show improvement as fast as 48 hours of some sort. Since some types are protocol specific. For John, they had taken a second biopsy and had left camera on as they removed it, no way to get more sample from new spot. The new spot was the culprit. At almost 21 months I still replay the mistakes made, in his type of cancer the time from Feb26-june28- meant the difference between stage 2 to stage 4. Still terminal, but more time could have been bought.

He (John) was catatonic with pain meds for 21 days. Finally worked it out to bring him home at 28 days. He then took chemo and radiation to buy us a few more months. For palliative purposes only, we knew it was our time of "lasts"

It can't be undone, find peace in the thought your spouse no longer needs meds to handle that kind of pain. That what he did he did for you.
Warm hugs,
Jewells

You have prayers on the way from Matt and I. The only thing that I can think of that might help, is to close your eyes and imagine that you are in heaven looking in on your husband who is still here, and is suffering after watching you endure the pain and passing on instead of him. What would you say to him to give him comfort? He loves you so much, I'm sure he would tell you the same. Matt and I wish you peace and healing. love; Robert

I understand why you are so angry... I ....feel as though some doctors honestly do believe they are doing right by there patients and others just treat some patients as a number. My son is a surgeon and he agrees with me. I wish my husband had doctors that were more aggressive with treating him, but I feel because he was stage 4 nsclc, they didn't really care... I even took him to MD Medical Center in Houston, Texas and the Dr. there told him to go home and eat at least 5,000 calories a day to get stronger. WTH....this is what you say to a person who came to you for help, so he could feel better and be ABLE to eat!....So I am also bitter and needed to vent.
Janice

Prayers on the way.

Cancer is so ugly. My wife Anne had stage IV colon cancer right from initial diagnosis. She did everything she was supposed to like getting a colonoscopy at age 50. It was already there. She got to be with me for almost another 1 1/2 years. I believe the surgeries and treatments gave her more time with me. Mostly quality time. It seems that some cancers get all of the attention and money for research while others do not.

Hey Robert, I appreciate what you wrote. It helped me today. I know how much my wife loves me and wants the best for me. She didn't ask for that disease and would gladly still be here sharing her life with me. Sometimes when I think of her battle, I know how much she was fighting for me. That helps me sometimes.

Robbie

I am sorrowful when I read this, and wish I could find exactly what to say to bring you comfort. Medical science HAS to try things though - what if this had worked? The first heart transplant only gave the recipient an extra 12 days of life, but see how far we have come since then....Peace attend you. You are at the stage of hitting out because of the pain you feel, gentle love to you my dear.

I understand your pain , anger and frustration . My husband did end at a teaching hospital but the care he finally received there for the January 7th - until January 21st was amazing despite medical students and such. The negligence was done at our local hospital and by local Dr. who dropped the ball and who made mistakes. Not once but on many occasions. Before he died my husband who knew so well asked me a favour , not a promise. He asked me to come to term with this and not action any actions legal or not towards that it would not change anything. He truly believed that when your time comes , your times come. One day I made a comment to my sister about how it was a good thing that he had asked me not too do anything and that I would honour his wish. I think that Howie decided to take matters in his own hands knowing that I was vulnerable and sent me a sign to remind me that I had agreed to not pursue the matter. That same afternoon I received a phone call from a former co-worker and friend of Howie. He wanted to extend his sympathies and all of sudden thought that he should call me . He then point blank asked me if I was considering suing the hospital or DR. and reminded me that years before he had spent time, money , and energy trying to sew the hospital for negligence in the death of his wife . He had what he was sure was a open and shut case. After 5 years , he ended dropping the suit and move on with his life as he knew that it would take a miracle for it to go his way. He advised me to just let go of the hurt and anger with that aspect of grieving. This is not to say that I accept their negligence and my family DR understands my misgivings in regards to those DR and makes sure not to refer me to them but I have let go of the idea that there is something I can do. I am keeping you in my thoughts and hope that you can come to term with this. For me it came down to asking myself "What would Howie want?" and since we had talk about it I knew the answer. I believe that in your heart you also know the answer to what would your husband want...