I am at the 4 month marker too. I think what happens around this time is the numbness has worn off and all the things that had to be done right away have settled down. I think it is like the back side of a hurricane. I do believe and hope with all of my heart that it will get more bearable as we go thru these bad stages. Hang in and hold one. We are all in this together.

Thank you Bayoured. We will be here for each other. I just felt like the clouds opened up today and swallowed me.

My Deepest Sympathy as you travel this painful journey. Please know you will feel better in time. Grieving is not easy. Everyone here knows how you feel . Visit as often. as you need to. There will always be someone here who cares and will comfort. Hugs, Dolores .

I lost my husband almost 4 years ago, and the 4 month mark was when I hit rock bottom. It was a very painful point in my grief journey. Like Dolores said, this is a painful journey. It does get better in time. Be kind to yourself, seek support and help, and hang in there. We are all here for you. Wishing you better days ahead.
~ Lori

Thank you Dolores and Lori for the kind words. I had to reach out because the pain I felt tonight was unbearable.

Hugs, pmoore30.

I'll hit seven months next week, and I have to echo that the three to four month point was tough. I was putting on a brave face, but was really still in a deep fog. I actually didn't realize how deep until recently. It comes and goes still, but I have longer periods where my head is clear. One thing I know very clearly is that I'm still very early in this widower's journey. But I'm making it. And so are you, pmoore30. And for that, I am grateful. Ever onward...

Thank you Stephen. It helps to hear from people who are farther out than me (even if not by much.)

Four months is when the initial shock and flurry of activity wears off, and it is usually the point where the friends and family stop calling or coming by to see how you are. Like a few months would be enough?! The reality of it all starts to settle in, and it is painful. I remember saying to my sister, "I don't have a Plan B for this - what am I supposed to do now?" Cliff died of a heart attack with no warning, and his death completely demolished me and all our plans and our life and our sons' lives. I had no idea how I was supposed to get through it all and "make it all better again." 4 months was awful.

I know that's not much comfort, but I want you to know it will get better. Don't give up. The tough points tend to be 4 months, 6 months, 9 months, and heading into the 1-year mark, ( I can hear the collective groan about that,) but want to assure you that you will get stronger and be able to manage it. We are all at different points here, so lean on us when you need to.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Martha was right. D passed in August, so the Christmas and New Year was tough. And then Valentine's Day was really tough. I started to feel parts of me coming back after 9 month. And then going forward is an on-going challenge of dealing with grief, and a new and lonely life.

Right now I feel like my entire life is on hold, that the earth has somehow stopped revolving. The days are long and empty, almost meaningless. I can't seem to get much of anything accomplished. I just read a review of the small town I was thinking about moving to, and this man said he hated it.

A 2;00 appointment today simply overwhelms me. I'm in such a fog that I go to the grocery store and leave without my groceries half the time.

All of these replys are so familiar. It's been only 4 months for me, after a beautiful 45 year marriage. My husband went swiftly and suddenly. 66 was too soon. If my love for my husband defines who I am, with all my forgetfulness in the grocery store, or whatever it is I am doing, then so be it. It's who we are. The pain is real and it comes upon us when we least expect, usually with ppl in public. Knowing my pain, anxiety, hurt, will come and go, I have adopted the saying that if my love for my husband defines who I am, then so be it. It's real. Go with it. But focus on the fact you had something beautiful many people never get to experience. Make that thought more real than your pain. Don't conceal or hide your emotion. It's who you are. Your friends and family will understand. You are special. Be kind to yourself in the little things and moments that you can, you are special and unique, and I'm sending lots of love and hugs here. God bless you all.

All of these replys are so familiar. It's been only 4 months for me, after a beautiful 45 year marriage. My husband went swiftly and suddenly. 66 was too soon. If my love for my husband defines who I am, with all my forgetfulness in the grocery store, or whatever it is I am doing, then so be it. It's who we are. The pain is real and it comes upon us when we least expect, usually with ppl in public. Knowing my pain, anxiety, hurt, will come and go, I have adopted the saying that if my love for my husband defines who I am, then so be it. It's real. Go with it. But focus on the fact you had something beautiful many people never get to experience. Make that thought more real than your pain. Don't conceal or hide your emotion. It's who you are. Your friends and family will understand. You are special. Be kind to yourself in the little things and moments that you can, you are special and unique, and I'm sending lots of love and hugs here. God bless you all. Jax10