Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
It's been 7 weeks now. There are times I walk aimlessly through the house, opening cupboards and drawers looking for bits of David.
In our bedroom, I pulled open his sock drawer. It was empty! It gave me a shock! Where are all his socks? Intellectually, I know where they are. I gave most of them away to the hospital after he died. Along with his shirts and slippers. There are folks in long-term care that have no family. No one to buy them new clothes when theirs wear out or don't fit anymore.
The rest of the socks, David's son took in the early weeks. He was staying with us (me,but I still say us), going through his Dad's things (which I had told him to do). He lives far away and had only a week or so to do this.
At the time, I thought it was strange that he wanted his dad's socks, but then I have a pair of warm, purple socks of my mothers, that I do wear in the winter.
T-shirt drawer is still full. Sweaters folded neatly in another drawer (why oh why did I wash everything? I wish his clothes had a lingering smell of him, so I could inhale it at night before bed). But where are his socks? What if he needs them? It's so hard, this "letting go" process.
In our bedroom, I pulled open his sock drawer. It was empty! It gave me a shock! Where are all his socks? Intellectually, I know where they are. I gave most of them away to the hospital after he died. Along with his shirts and slippers. There are folks in long-term care that have no family. No one to buy them new clothes when theirs wear out or don't fit anymore.
The rest of the socks, David's son took in the early weeks. He was staying with us (me,but I still say us), going through his Dad's things (which I had told him to do). He lives far away and had only a week or so to do this.
At the time, I thought it was strange that he wanted his dad's socks, but then I have a pair of warm, purple socks of my mothers, that I do wear in the winter.
T-shirt drawer is still full. Sweaters folded neatly in another drawer (why oh why did I wash everything? I wish his clothes had a lingering smell of him, so I could inhale it at night before bed). But where are his socks? What if he needs them? It's so hard, this "letting go" process.
I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND WANT TO WELCOME YOU TO DS.
YOU ARE SO NEW TO THIS JOURNEY AND "LETTING GO" TAKES TIME AND WORK. DO NOT PUSH YOURSELF THROUGH IT. DON'T LET GO OF DAVID'S "THINGS" UNTIL YOU ARE READY. IT HAS BEEN A BIT OVER 7 MONTHS FOR ME AND I STILL HAVE NOT COMPLETELY CLEARED OUT THE CLOSETS. I LET GO OF ITEMS IN WAVES, WHEN I SEE FIT TO LET THAT PART GO.
ALLOW YOURSELF TIME AND KNOW THAT WE ARE ALL HERE TO HELP WHERE WE CAN AND TO LISTEN WHEN WE CAN'T HELP.
HUGS TO YOU
JUDI
I do so agree with Judi - I am at almost the 4 month mark and I still have so many of Mark's clothes in the dresser drawers and his shoes in the closet - and all of his music stuff, his drum sets etc. in the basement. There is no rush - I'm like Judi - I let go of some things in waves, in my time.
You have to do things when you're ready - not when anyone else tells you that you should. We know how you're feeling and what you're going through and we're glad that you've found DS.
Hugs to you,
Chris
I also had little shrines for her in almost every room and gradually put things away and went on with life. There's no schedule or manual. Time will tell you if it's right. Hugs, Kip.
When I got to his underwear and socks, I tossed the underwear, but the socks I kept. I reasoned that there was very little difference between men and womens socks when worn under a pair of long pants. I'm now happily wearing them and will do so until they wear out.
Hugs, Dianne
I sold his aquarium, his classic car, his bicycle and finally his pride and joy motorcycle. I watched as the buyer rode it away and with it the last remnants of life as I had known it. We reach a point where we must make life liveable for "me" not "us" and unfortunately letting go is something that happens.
Know that what you have written is something we have all felt.
I wish you peace,
Linda
L
Your note reminds me of "The Year of Magical Thinking" - she couldn't throw out his shoes because he might need them. You might consider reading it (Joan Didion).
I wish any of us had more to say to you than we're here, we understand, we're glad you found this community so that you don't feel so alone. But that's all we can offer, unfortunately.
Hugs to you,
Gail
A week after my husband had passed, my daughter and a friend of ours had helped me pack his clothes into bags and give them to a shelter where I knew that my Len would want his clothes to go, He would feel that someone could use his clothes and give them to someone who needed them However I kept his work shirts and sweatshirt and some of his jackets. I walk around the house with one of his hoodies on and it feel as if he is hugging me HIs smell is still there and it does comfort me knowing he is nearby. I had bought him 21 pairs of new socks which he never wore I gave them to a male friend and hopefully he can use them We still have his hats around the house and I keep 1 in the car It lets me know he is riding along with me and watching out for me.
Each of my kids have a hat that he wore so that they have something to wear from dad.
I have his brown shoes under my bed and don't plan to give them away.
It is ok to do whatever you want don't push yourself to give things away until you are ready. If you don't want to give things away don't