Yes, Bandiblue, I agree with you. Grief did get worse after the initial shock because right after their passing we have to deal with so many things: the funeral arrangements, the finances, the related admin, basically the aftermath of death, that we had no time to grieve and to give a free hand to our sorrow.

I agree that it is much harder later on. Like you, at the beginning I was prepared to ring my husband to share something with him, or ask his opinion before I realised that he was no longer here and I would cry and cry. Nearly a year on, this does not happen to me any longer, I am used to take my own counsel and even if I would like to share things with him, the knowledge that he is no longer here is omnipresent and I do not have this reflex reaction anymore.

However, I am also grieving for my father who died three and a half months ago and on New Year's Day I always phoned him first thing to wish him a happy new year, an absolute must in my family. So on New Year's Day, I told my daughter we now have to call Bon Papa, her look said it all, I had forgotten for a moment that he was no longer alive and would not expect my call. Tears again.

I know you probably won't believe it but, in time, it does get better. I have and others here have described it as grief waves which sometimes, unexpectedly, engulf us but they get further and further apart, although when it happens these waves can be still fierce and strong.

My thoughts are with you.

Hi BandiBlue. I understand how you feel. At only about 13 weeks for me I am forgetting what an Anne hug feels like and I really need one. As her cancer worsened she got where she wasn't eating much. She did have the appetite for my waffles though. She would ask me " would you fix me a crispy waffle". She hated soggy waffles. I would gladly take her anywhere for a waffle if she were here.

So I wait the same as you and I think things will get worse before they get better. It's so early in the process for us both. We will get through this one day and hopefully find a new form of happiness.

God Bless

Robbie.

At almost a year I have also gone through those phase of grief and understand . Grieve is different for everyone while being a lot of the same for everyone. At the beginning you`re in shock and functioning on adrenaline to get what needs attending done and then there comes a day when not as much needs to be done and you have time to relax, I think that for me that`s when the thawing began bringing on fresh new pain. I remember sitting in my living room around the time he would normally come home from work and when a car went by , my heart did a little jump of happiness at the thought that he was home from work and then it came crashing down when I realized it could not be. Same thing happened when I return to work 8 months afterward, my cell phone chimed announcing a text and my mind thought "Oh a text from my sweety" only to remember that it couldn`t be. Unfortunately while we can reach for help and support and our mind learns to accept what is real, our heart doesn`t always get it ...

Early for me too, just over a month after losing my husband to cancer. I know exactly what you mean, no matter how unrealistic it is I'm still waiting for him to come back to me.

We keep hearing that time will help us to come to terms with the void but I hate that answer. It's the only one there is, but it isn't what I want to hear at all.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what the future will bring. I try to be hopeful. I'm not very good at it yet but I have to force myself to try because the alternative is to give up and my mind won't go there.

We must always pay tribute to his memory, his legacy, and that is how his mark on me and the world will never fade. I love you, honey, and always will.

Hi, for me that was a sign of progress, although a painful one. When you think of those things and it saddens you more than shocks you, then your brain is slowly allowing you to let go just a little more. I am experiencing this along with you at 6 and a half months, and I noticed a decrease in that anxious feeling, once I let out more of the grief. We are going to slowly get better, though we have a ways to go. We'll do it together. love Robert

Even at my stage I still do a heart flip when something I know John would like is in a sale flyer. I avoid the men's dept., in stores. Though I think of him playing with all the little techy gadgets I have gotten for school now. ...and him smiling that I'm attempting it.

I have all the same feelings. Darn Sorry for all of us.

You are right, it is a slow process and I can assure you I went through the same thing. Always surprised to find him not here. Let the emotions flow, don't be afraid to cry, and know you're welcome to come here to be understood. I wish you well. Sharon

Jewells-I am so glad that you said you avoid the men's department. At Christmas time I was shopping for a little something for my children and I ended up in the Nike store, in the men's department. There was a shirt that would've been perfect for my husband and he would've looked so good in it. I had a split second that I loved the shirt and then the remembering that he's not here and I started to bawl in the Nike store. Since then I don't go to the men's department or if for some reason it is unavoidable I put my head down and don't look up.

I have to say that I do the same thing. I avoid men's clothing departments. Sometimes I also think that if I try hard enough I will see him in his man room or our bedroom. I do talk and write to him almost everyday. I miss him every day.

Thank you all so much. I do not know what I would do without all of you. You are my strength!