Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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washislittlebb 11/05/2018

I lost my husband on June 2, 2018. He was only 55. I had gone to pick up my grandson so he could stay his usual week or two with us for the summer. Family from out of state showed up, so we stayed an extra night so we could visit. I got a call that night that has changed my life, shattered dreams, and hurts like hell. It was a brain anuerism. He was a little overweight but was in good health. I am a teacher, so I had a little time before going back to work. I just couldn't have that first month. I'm coming out of the blur somewhat but still find myself in it some days. We had just purchased a house together and had been cleaning it up and working on it to be ready to move in. I went ahead and moved. It was what he wanted. It still seems like he should come home.

I have family but they are mostly all some distance. I have a wonderful daughter that is close whom has done so much and has kept me going. I just needed to talk to others who have been through and/or are going through this. I know God has a plan - it just hurts so much.

regwin 11/05/2018

I'm very sorry. Your husband was young. My husband had a massive stroke. He died one week later. He was 68. I can well understand how you must feel. It took me a while to accept and adjust. We had just celebrated our 40th Anniversary. We were always together and were best friends besides. I too was completely lost. I joined a bereavement group. it helped tremendously. I met other people who became friends. It may not seem so now but it will take some time. Eventually you will feel better. Every one here has had a loss and are here for you. Try to take good care of yourself. Eat good food. Try to rest when you can.
As time went on I was able to learn to live alone. You are fortunate to have a loving daughter. She will always be there for you. I too have been blessed with two good daughters and one son who have been my best friends. Take one day at a time. Please know that Brighter days are ahead. May strength and peace be with you. Love and Hugs, Dolores

Deb30 11/06/2018

My husband was 55 also. My kids have helped me so much, It will be a year on the 30th of this month. I believe it is true that it is something only those that have been through it can fully understand. i had no reference point as I'd never experienced such a tremendous loss and felt that amount of pain. I don't have any wise words but i can say some of the people on this page have helped me a lot. Dolores is a good example! And it has gotten easier. I still have some awful days and some awful moments but it's not that constant pain like in the beginning. Hugs to you.

regwin 11/06/2018

Hi Deb, Thanks for the kind words. I'm happy to hear you are doing better. I just can't help but respond when someone is going through a recent loss because I know as many of us that it does get better and we learn how to live life again but in a different way. I never forget those who were so welcoming and understanding in the bereavement group. Wishing you the best Love and Hugs, Dolores

Greenteam 11/06/2018

I'm sorry for your traumatic loss. After dealing with arraignments one of my biggest issues was learning to deal with everyday life all over again. Lynn and I had our routine and suddenly it's just me. I thought to myself "what am I going to do now?" I have since moved on with my life, but the hurt is there everyday. I cry in order to deal with it sometimes. Then there are the dreams. OMG. Some nights she's right there with me. For me it's been eight years. I'm not trying to worry you. These have been some of my experiences. Hang in there. Your not alone. DS is a good way to share our experiences.

cliffskat 11/07/2018

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband Cliff at 55 to a heart attack - his first, last, and only. My whole life changed in moments, as did our sons' lives. I am so sorry this has happened to you, too. Being here and talking about my loss helped me a lot, and I hope it helps you, too. Welcome.

Love and Hugs,
Martha, Community Leader

washislittlebb 11/07/2018

Thank you all. I am sorry for all of your losses also. I lost my father a year ago this month. That has been difficult but he had been in pain for many years and was ready. He and mom would have been married 70 years last June. This has given me a new understanding of what mom is dealing with and feeling.
Keeping busy helps but and I think I would have probably curled up and stayed in bed for months if it wasn't for making the move and having to get ready for the school year and start teaching. I am eating well again and am regaining strength but still tire easily. I can be pretty normal for a while but then come crashing down when I least expect it. Luckily I haven't made a fool of myself at school (much) and my coworkers are being kind. We are all trying to find our 'new normal'. At times, I am starting to accept it but at times I want to scream and fight it. Is this normal?

OmaGosh 11/09/2018

Hi. I am so sorry for your shocking loss of the love of your life. I lost my husband at 49 (I was 47). It is a shock and you need to know that it's very normal to feel like you have no energy and no interests. Grief will come in waves. Don't expect to feel like yourself again for quite awhile, but know that it gradually gets better, though you'll never be quite the same.
It's a mercy of God that you have this project to focus on; and that you don't have memories of your husband in every corner of the house. When my husband died, we had just moved out of our home of 18 years. I was so glad to not be in the house where more than half our marriage had been spent. It would have been too overwhelming. God knows how to meet us in our weakness.

Gail7598 11/10/2018

I keep thinking if only I was home sooner, I could have save him. I have a heavy heart about this. If I hadn't stopped at the store to get groceries, I might have gotten to him in time.

I plan on getting CPR certified in the future. In the event this happens in the future, I can perhaps save a life.

BluOcean 11/13/2018

I'm so sorry for your sudden loss. I haven't lost a partner, but I got to see what my mother has gone through after losing the love of her life of 59 years last year. They were inseparable. It's so hard, but keep busy, busy. I suggested to my mom that she knit baby items and donate them to an organization that helps pregnant women in need. This kept her occupied, and the organization was so grateful, they even highlighted her on their Instagram page. My mom felt useful again and it helped to take her mind off her pain. Hang in there and with G-d's help, you will get through this one day at a time.

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