There is certainly no easy answer to your question. I am so sorry for your loss. Your feelings are very natural at this time. How could anyone expect a person to NOT feel this way after the worst event of your life. You are right.....your family will go back to their lives and you are left with the heaviest burden you've ever had.

Your first job is to take care of YOU, with rest, proper food, contact with loved ones as much as you need. It is right and OK to ask for help at this time in your life. There is only one way to tackle your situation now, and that is by doing so one day at a time. I know that sounds lame, but it is the truth. I used to sit and think way into the future, asking myself, how I am to handle all, ALL, the tasks of my life. The only answer is one day at a time. Sometimes it's one hour at a time. The pain you are bearing cannot be carried on your back for all your future. Just carry today's pain and deal with it. Have plenty of time for yourself to cry, cry, and cry some more. Scream, scream, scream. Say every word you feel like saying, even if you don't normally cuss. Getting it out is the healer.

This site and the people here have saved my life. I don't think I would have made it without them. No one in the world understands our loss except those who have had the same loss. My friends here have made me feel that I'm not weird, stupid, lazy, or misguided. They have gently held me together until I could stand a little bit alone, one day at a time. Come here and let this group hold you up with encouragement and caring!

Everything written by member "NewRoadsForMe" is so true. This DS group has the sweetest, kindest people who have all 'been there' and know exactly how challenging it is right now without your beloved beside you.
It's much easier to walk the widowed path if we have others walking with us. You are not alone...someone is here to listen and share your heartache, and we will encourage each other to get through these dark days.
Keep coming back to read how others are managing their lives, or post your own feelings, please.
My sincere sympathy on your loss, I understand how hard it is right now for you. Keep the faith...and stay as well as possible.
(((Hugs))),
Nancy

Thank you, "New Roads for Me," for the first definition of "one day at a time" that has made any sense to me. Usually, when pople aay that I want to scream, "What in the world does that mean?"

I, too, have been staying with my children and granchildren since my husband's death five weeks ago, And I, too, have been paralyzed with fear and grief. But I need to go home soon. I have a job from which I've taken a leave and things to take care of at home. I will try to remember New Road's advice as I take each difficult step.
DorothyJoan

I felt exactly the same as you the first few weeks. I kept walking around my house wondering what I was supposed to do. It's a helpless feeling. My husband Mark and I were together for 36 years, married for 34 1/2. I know nothing of life alone. I moved from my parents house and married at 18. I have never lived alone. My husband passed 11/23/12. For me, the hardest part is being alone except when I am at work. I have no family within 450 miles and most of our friends disappeared 9 1/2 years ago when my husband first got sick. I know you will find it hard to believe, but you will slowly accept things and it will seem better my tiny increments. I am at 4 1/2 months, it is still very hard, but I don't break down every minute like I did at first. My husband passed at 55, I was 52 (now 53), and 4/8 would have been our 35th Anniversary.
I find that I can't think too far ahead in life. I take one minute, hour, and day at a time. I have forced myself to join a support group, started meditation and yoga, anything to try to assist me in my grief and keep me busy. I also work 45-50 hours a week, which has been my salvation.
It has helped me tremendously to read everyone's posts here. We are all in this awful place together. Please think about joining a support group, it has also helped me a lot. Please don't give up, it WILL get better day after day.

Your topic is close to our heart for we have or presently are feeling lost in our own grief. It is the most frightening and lonely feeling I ever experienced. I am sorry for your loss, but am glad you found us here. For me finding these people who really understood how I am feeling was my true lifeline.

There are other services that help like Hospice ran support groups you can attend. I did. They helped me too and they are open to all people that have suffered loss of a spouse.

Being with your children now is a good choice for them and you. Lean on each other and be honest with your feelings. Don't try to be strong. No one can be strong at this time.

I lost my husband of 40 years to lung cancer in 2007. I survived "one day at a time" It's not a platitude, it's true. Take care of you. When you do return home continue putting time for what you feel like doing and that includes letting the tears flow. Sharon

OMG, you are so raw - my heart goes out to you!

It a hard thing learning to soothe one's own pain -

Amongst the many things I've learned is no matter where you go or what you do your grief goes with you -

When you move back into your home, you may find that looking at or touching his belongings can spark an array of different emotions. In between crying or as I cried, I'd smile for a variety of reasons even though my lips wouldn't turn up ... I'd remember Bob's touch, smell, dry humor, loving ways, his resolve, his many strengths & weaknesses, And I'd get angry at him for leaving me or having left something undone or for not having put his clothes in the hamper before he went out to be killed, etc, Other times my heart would melt w/joy when looking at our wedding pictures or our kids or all that he accomplished, etc -

Being in my home gave me the privacy I needed & desperately wanted to get my emotions out there, to lick my wounds, to close out the world -

Even though you are very early in your grief, I want to share about memories; those from our past that have helped us endure our own personal hardships -

LATER in my grief, I began to realize there were times I had to cope w/matters w/out Bob's assistance even though he was my rock, my loveshield to protect me from the world, my everything -

I drew back on those memories to look for coping skills I used -
Many women can relate to this analogy; this major change of life -
Unlike Bob's death, I wanted these babies. The adjustment to mothering them has similarities & differences, however, it was still a hard time in my life -
Bob traveled for work M-F, I was a housewife w/3 kids 2 cats; one crazy teenager & 2 babies 14 months apart , both in diapers -
While the teenager was busy getting himself into trouble for what seemed like it was on a daily basis; I was going out of my mind adjusting to caring for 2 babies - lack of sleep, exhaustion, constant worry about the teenager, hopelessness, crying jags, lack of self worth, no time to shower or change from pj's to clothes, jealous at everyone in the world including Bob for not being burdened w/an enormous amount of responsibility, trapped in my home days on end, no relief till the wk/ends & sometimes none at all depending on Bob's golf schedule including trying to be a loving patient wife on the wk/ends, the list goes on & on -

I came to find that "I just did it" through a process (1 day at a time), pain as the catalyst & w/the aid of my higher power -
Remembering those baby days allowed me to see the coping skills I used then so as to use them in my grief -
They are the reason we are tested from Day 1; to meet the challenges of life -

For now, just be w/your grief & take care of yourself as others in your post have described -

I remember just 4 weeks after my husband of 34 years died, it was the 4th of July and I was out on my deck, feeling very alone. I heard laughter down the street, an outdoor party, and just went toward it. I didn't know anybody but someone invited me to sit down and gave me a glass of wine and included me in the conversation. Bless their hearts.

I am so very sorry for your loss. There is no other emptiness that can compare to living without the one who has been ones life.

My husband, of 45 yrs., passed unexpectedly in our home, Jan. 29,2013.

Each of us finds our own way in our own time. And my way was to remain in our home from the very first. My children offered to stay...but I know me. I'd get used to having them...then when they left, I'd have to get used to that.

Was I lonely...? YES !!! But I would have been just as lonely for HIM wherever I was.

And I have been amazed by how close to him I feel when in our home. Both of us loved our home and preferred being there.

His chair seemed brutally empty...so I sat in it. His side of the bed was empty...so I sleep on his side. Just the little things that are so unexpectedly painful...I go "to" them rather than avoid them.

I'm not suggesting this for anyone else,,,but I'm finding it easier to adjust to missing him when surrounded by his things and memories.

I should add...there are sessions of crying, screaming, swearing and screeching happening around here. But this is my home, my sanctuary and safe-place.

It was hard coming back home after being out,,,but that gut-wrenching pain is lessening, as I just continue to face it and just DO it.

I'm sorry for your loss. NRFM has given you some good advice. I started a journal so I could get my feelings out in a private way. It helped me to see progress, and yes moments of weakness.