Special days and events can be so rough...Please don't beat yourself up and let yourself shed those tears....and do what ever it is YOU need to do...you are in my thought and prayers today....hugs to you

Yep the Birthdays and other special days are tough. I lost my husband last May and have lived through a lot of firsts already - including his birthday. Cry, scream, whatever you need to do. Don't get caught up in the "what ifs" so much as the "what was" - - I know how hard that is. You are in my thoughts and prayer to get this through this day and so many others.

It's got to be tough to go through her birthday without her. I too feel that I did not hug my wife enough. I never thought I would lose her. Please be good to yourself. Chris

Holidays, birthdays and just regular days can be so hard - I feel like you do - the what if's - I feel like I did not let my husband know how much I loved him enough - we can drive ourselves crazy but take comfort in that you did have this lovely woman and you obviously loved her very much and I am sure she loved you too - I have found a lot of good advice on this site and often it is just knowing someone else is going through the same thing. Thinking of you

So sorry your heart is breaking. Holidays and birthdays are difficult

As a widower, it is very easy for my mind to ponder all the "what ifs" and "should have done's".

Those are guilt makers. No matter how hard you try, those thoughts will NOT change the past. Focus on the moments that you provided comfort & pleasure to your spouse. Doing otherwise is like taking a baseball bat & beating yourself up. And we have enough pain already.

Cry as much as you need to. Even after 2 and a half years I still cry. I think it will always be that way. Grief is not something that goes away, it will always be with you. I too have the what ifs. I think when we spend so much time with someone we begin to take life for granted. I know I did. Just know she over you and still does. I believe they watch over us everyday. Talk to her she hears you. She knows how much you miss her and love her.

Take care of yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself.

God bless.

Jeff

It is one of the many firsts we have to go though. I certainly can relate to your feeling of not hugging and holding her enough. I feel the same way about my husband.

Do what you have to do to get through this very rough time and always remember that you can come to this group anytime and someone will be here that understands. Hugs, Norma

It's good to feel your grief, those tears are healing!
We all go through the did or didn't stage, be assured, guilt feelings are normal......you obviously loved your wife and rest assured she knew you were there until the end......
Love, hope and peace to you,
Sandra

I ditto Moodybruin . . . guilt is a wasted emotion and energy robber. We can't undo the past. We all, as humans, tend to take life for granted, ours and others', not meaning to, but it is part of our human condition. I'm sure we ALL have looked back thinking of what we could have changed, or how we could have been a better spouse, etc. had we known what we know now. Be gentle with self and know that you are simply 'human' . . . big hug to you and sending healing thoughts your way. Dayna

Try very hard to think about all the good things you did for each other. There are other ways to show someone you love them besides hugging and holding. Maybe focus on the ways you tried to protect her, take care of her, and also the ways she did the same for you.

It's agony, and it's very sad. I'm sorry that you're going through it.

gnjbratt,
I'm a woman, I know when a man thinks the way you do that he will NEVER think that he did enough......I'm telling you now; YOU DID!
She knew it, I know it and I love you for your thoughtfulness.

A woman knows when a man speaks of such adoration and loss that he was a GOOD MAN, a LOVING MAN, a THOUGHTFUL MAN and most of all a GIVING MAN!!!

What a lucky woman Jalee was to have YOU in her life.

Please allow me to say THANK YOU for all that you did for her when she was here to see and feel it!

My arms are around you,
Roz

So many firsts for all of us in the first year (and beyond I'm sure.) I just went through the anniversary of the day I met my husband, our wedding anniversary is next week and his birthday is the first week of February...this is a really hard time of year for me too. I feel and share your sadness and frustration. It's the "what ifs" and "wish I would haves" that do the biggest number on us I think.

Sending hugs & good thoughts your way and wishing you peace. So very sorry for your loss. - CJ

We all get tho feelings of "should have" done more, but they wouldn't have changed anything. She appreciated everything you did and there are never enough hugs. The important thing to remember is you love her and she knows that. Talk to her. Write her your feelings. Share with her how you're feeling. These things help and know that she hears your thoughts and loves you. Sharon

Be kind to yourself, these firsts are tough. It does get better with time. Hugs and positive thoughts.

Val