Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members
19,465 Posts
1 Online
Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

I just want to feel good

Truhal
Truhal
Sometimes I think I'll do anything to feel good. I'm so tired of feeling down with just occassional ups. It just doesn't seem right. How can a person be so much a part of your life, then nothing? I know it's how life is, but when I break it down, it still seems abnormal.

I built a life with my husband. Today I'm unpacking pots and pans and thinking back to when I purchased them. I had my husband in mind. I pictured myself cooking something sumptuous for him. Two days before the attack, I bought a book on cooking for two. And now this. And think of the days and years to come.

Right now, I'm tired of being alone. DH and I were best friends before, during, and after the marriage and remarriage. Never had women friends so this was perfect. He was such a good friend I didn't want to chance the romance part for quite some time. So I'm missing my husband and best friend.

I didn't realize it till this moment. It's like losing two people. I almost feel like he should be here to get me through the loss of my husband.

I know I'm going crazy now. Just one of those days.
julie50501
julie50501
I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time. My husband was also my best friend, so I understand that part of it too. It seems like once they are gone, we have no one to really talk to. I am not wanting to burden my friends or family members, so I just say I'm fine, but lots of times, I'm not really. This site is a blessing; I have often come here to "dump." Take care, and I truly hope things get better for you!
songsofthenight
songsofthenight
Know what you mean, it's been 3 weeks since he died and I keep thinking Burgin would know where whatever is, the answer to my question or what ever it is that I want to know about. Get tired of having to tell people that he's gone or feeling like I should tell them, and then the tears....just miss him so much, I want him here to make everything better....
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
I'm with you with the feelings of loss. After three years it's not changed but I've adjusted to the feelings. Know I'm thinking of you and remember better days will come. It's like being hit by an ocean wave, we just have to learn how to swim. Sharon
Truhal
Truhal
Sharon, I never thought of it that way. It's so true. I just need to learn to swim.
annihilated
annihilated
I would love to feel good too!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry you are having a terrible time. It has been 19 months, I still can not grasp that he is gone. I am lonely even though family all around. Sharon I need to sign up for the swimming lessons:) Believe it or not those little tibbits will bring a smile. That helps a lot.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Today is the day to dig down deep in your heart and find a smile. Peace...Kaaren
deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband was my best friend also. We did everything together all of our lives. Losing him has been overwhelming because I just do not know how to live without him. I've never - except as a child - been without him.

Kaaren - I need that smile too. Got to be one somewhere.
Hugs,
Kathy
deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband, Randy, passed away 2 years ago. I can relate to wanting to feel good. It seems harder right now. I think I must have been in shock for the first 18 months. Do you days when its harder than others?
deleted_user
deleted_user
You know, I never thought of that....he should be here to help me get over the loss of my husband.......started making a list of our "relationship roles".......quite a long one..no wonder we are all grieving for so long................good idea about learning to swim....right now though, I just need a life jacket....lol.....this too will pass.....right????
Lori
Lininsocal
Lininsocal
(I didn't realize it till this moment. It's like losing two people. I almost feel like he should be here to get me through the loss of my husband.)
EXACTLY
taylorsk
taylorsk
I know exactly how you feel. My husband was my best friend. Anytime I cried he was there to comfort me. Sometimes I would cry very hard and he was the only one who could help me out of it. Now I cry harder than I ever have and he's not here to help me. It scares me knowing that everything will never go back to normal. We have to create a new normal....if we can find the strength to want to. Guess I'm still in the life jacket stage too.
loveandgrace
loveandgrace
Mike's son died in 2002 and I was there to help him through his shock and grief. I remember how shattered he was, especially in the beginning, and I literally dropped everything in my life to see him through that terrible time. Now sometimes I have even been a bit angry at him for not being here to help me--grieve him. Weird, but true.

Sharon, the thing about learning how to swim is true. The problem with those waves is that no two are alike. Sometimes a huge one will take you by surprise and completely knock you for a loop. There's no swimming, just floundering and trying to get back on your feet.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so sorry you have to be living with such pain. I believe there is hope that the pain eases some (and as Sharon said, we learn to live with some of it over time) and I believe there will be happiness again one day.

When my mother died 30 years ago, T was there. When my dad died 17 years ago, T was there. When our baby died 15 years ago, T was there. He was who I ran to and who gave me comfort and helped me and we grieved together. He always made everything ok. Now, alone takes on a whole new meaning.

The Bible says that when a man and woman marry, the two become one. A great mystery to be sure. But now that one of those two is gone, I guess what we're left with is 1/2 which is probably why this is so hard. We are literally missing half of ourselves.

Somehow, we will go on, we will feel better, we will have happiness and peace again. I know I sure am praying that it's so.
Many blessings to you - Janet
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm having another one of those days, too. Actually, things have never gotten better. I realized a few weeks ago, that I haven't been truly happy since February, and I used to be happy all the time! I would sing while washing dishes at the sink and he would call upstairs, "You know you can't sing!" And he was right, and I didn't care because I was so happy just for being alive. Just for having my husband in my life. Now I still cry every single day. I hurt for him every single day. Like you, my husband was truly my best friend. I miss him completely. My life will never be the same.