Another widow here used to have as her tag line, "Strong is what you are when it's your only choice."

I had to deal with the car, the house, raising two sons and having the man-to-man talks (yeah, nobody told me I would have to take care of THOSE!), and so many more things. Like the first time Cliff's birthday rolled around and we had a tropical storm come through and it was up to me to keep the kids safe, my sis safe, the house prepared and undamaged, and deal with the effects of the storm - scary. I have vivid memories of standing outside in pouring rain and 60 mph winds with my son repairing the fence so it wouldn't blow away. Why? Because there was no one else to do it all. Crazy. But I did it! And my son, for all his disabilities, was right there with me. I think Cliff was proud of us that day. I didn't have time to cry. Maybe that was a blessing in disguise.

I hear you! You are amazing -- you didn't know you could so much!

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

Yeah... I am struggling with this right now. I am not very good at doing things by myself.

Definitely. You know how I think of it? Guys weren't sprung from birth knowing this stuff, so I can learn it, too. The men and women at Home Depot have been awesome over the years - they don't care if I'm dumbfounded at the simplest stuff, they explain it. And I listen. You Tube tutorials are also helpful. I have a ton to learn, still, but I'm pretty stoked about what I've picked up thus far. (And a caveat - I've also had a lot of "fails" along with a lot of cursing!) Marsha

Marsha hit the nail on the head (figuratively, not literally. LOL) with the YouTube videos. They rule!!

One thing I learned very early on (from another widow). She told me to burn this on my brain "Righty - Tighty Lefty-Loosey", as I could not figure out which way to turn off a hot-water tank valve. I was sooo frustrated! Anyway, I've remembered that and it's very useful.

We do become "handi-ladies" after a while, don't we?
Hugs

hg, first I cried, then I just DID IT! I did stuff I NEVER did in my whole life. Who the heck else was going to do it?

My brothers are so busy with their own families and I just couldn't ask my male friends so, I DID IT or I hired a stranger to help!

I CAN DO IT! When Morey passed, he left a mess! And, then came the service on the car, selling the other cars, cleaning, fixing. Oh! And did I mention TAXES. That I've NEVER done in my whole life.

Amazing what we can do when we MUST survive!!!!

Roz

Yes to the you tube videos! Soon after my husband died the remote to the tv in our bedroom stopped working, no warning, just quit. At that point I NEEDED that tv as I was still barely sleeping and turned it on and off throughout the night. Here's how you fix it - take out the batteries then hold every button down for 3 seconds each. Shazam - it works!

I sure learned a lot since Jim died. That righty tighty lefty loosey is a big help. I now check the oil in my two vehicles-why I keep 2 I don't know. I cut the grass and I never did before. I shovel the driveway and use the snowblower if I have to. I know if I must call a repair man and what things are not so important. I have gotten through a blizzard with no electric for two days. I feel like I have grown quite a bit and I now know I can take care of myself. I think Jim would be proud of me.

Yep, amazing what you can do on your own when you have to. Fix the clogged toilet, change the flat tire, get the septic pumped out, and learn to run that damn tractor. You realize how resourceful and resilient you are.

You rock!
Hugs,
Val

Ok. Let me give you the male side of what you are all talking about.

First my oldest son, his wife and my 3 year old grandson moved in with us just about the time Donna was diagnosed with cancer. They were staying to save money to buy their own house. When Donna passed they decided to stay with me. I know they have their own kind of grief but they really don't understand. I love my kids and their wives with all my heart, but sometimes I feel like the outsider. I know they don't understand how it affects me but sometimes they are insensitive. They talk around me and I understand that, they need their space too, but sometimes it is really things I need to know. After all it's still my house. I don't know. I have them here but I have never felt so alone.

I am woman hear me roar is my new mantra. Yes I have done plumbing repairs, fixed the shower door, fixed 2 cars, figured out how to add antifreeze and check the oil, shoveled the snow, taken down the gazebo on the deck, self installed a security system throughout the house, replaced hinges on cabinet doors etc etc. You Tube can teach you anything. I just ask myself how would Roy do this and most of the time I can figure it out.

I also now have to maintain the house, yard and car, etc. When my husband was ill, I did all the yard work, mowing, weeding, trimming but since he passed, I hired a lawn service. I physically took out two trees. It took awhile, but accomplished the task. You tube great source of information. Everyone at Home Depot helpful too.

Oh yes, I can relate. I have either figured out how to do things myself or how to talk someone into doing things for me. Thank goodness for the internet to give me step by step instructions on, say, putting a new overflow drain cover in the tub. Nothing major, but it sure feels good.

For me it's, just like a man minus the cursing. My husband hated doing anything around the house so he'd swear from start to finish. I was surprised how easy some of the stuff was. The way he acted, I thought it was so complicated only professionals should attempt. His duct tape and broomstick fixes used to drive me nuts too.

Sara your post made me laugh out loud!

Yep, amazing the things I've learned to do! The biggy was learning to drive our beast of a 4-wheel drive vehicle in a foreign country where the roads are horrendous, 2 lanes, some only 1, full of pot holes, lots with no asphalt, & mountainous to boot. And oh my, the driver's are terrible. There are No road rules! Passing on the right, stopped in the middle of the road talking on their cell phone or chatting with a friend. parked cars every which way. Oh yes I forgot ...motorcycles, quads, horse traffic, & occasional herd of cattle!! My husband always drove & I know why. I didn't even know where the lever was to open the gas tank. And when faced with driving to our house was at the bottom of a steep hill I could not get up without 4 wheel. In tears, I was clueless as to how to do that! But I figured it out or I would still be sitting there!!. He had drained the salt water pool when he came the US to help me care for our daughter who was fighting a losing battle with cancer. Less than a month after her passing, he was Dx with cancer & we never return to our home. He passed 6 weeks later. When I returned to our home, it was a year since I had left, it & the car had been sitting unattended for months on end. I've since become an auto mechanic, plumber, pool person, painter, the list goes on...although I draw the line at electrician. He took care of so much....but I've been forced to do & have found that I can do! Handi-lady I am!!