Michele, Your post tugged at my heart, because I know exactly what your feeling. Don and I were married 40 years in February of 2007 and in April he was diagnosed with lung cancer. In June he died. I truly didn't know how to live without him and I admit I didn't want to. I wanted him back here with me. I was scared of the future. As sax as it is to say it's a normal part of this loss.

I spent the first 3 years struggling to find out who I was and what would give me a sense of peace. You don't have to take 3 years, the time varies for all of us. It's a trial and error process of creating a life alone. I didn't want to combine my life with anyone at that time.

What helped me was meeting a widower who lost his wife who also felt the same way. Our friendship was valuable for both of us and we had no pressure to be more than friends. Of course, the time was right too. Things seem to happen when you are ready for it as long as you don't rush things. It will for you too.

Five years ago I met a man who I truly love. All the things leading up to our life had to be completed first. It was a hard road but my faith (even though it wavered ) and being here with others encouragement carried me through.

To answer some of the questions you have the crying will lessen to a sadness. You will always wondered why, but you will handle the memories. My happiness with Art is totally different than my life with Don. Not better or worse. They are different men and I am different from what I was. How could I not be?

No, it's not as good as it gets. It will change. You will change. Life changes with the seasons and we must adapt or we will die. I hope this helps. Hug, Sharon

I am so sorry Michele, it does leave a big gaping hole in our hearts..I go back and forth between being "Ok" and crying (just started now in fact, out of the blue, started thinking about how i went to a restaurant yesterday that my wife and i used to go too..1st time there without her)

you will find happiness again..and no, it probably will not be the same as what you had..It cannot be..you have 40 years of experiences behind you. Tell the grandkids good stories about him that they will have to remember him by..have your kids do the same..your husband would want to be remembered that way, not as a sad memory.

stop trying to imagine all of the "future things without him" - and yes, i know that is nearly impossible..i do it too..but what i am suggesting is change your perspective a little..he would not want you to be sad all of the time just like i know my wife wouldnt want that for me..

this is NOT as good as it gets..i am certain of that..I've seen people on this very site who have proven it gets better..We all have scars from this..hard won scars..it does feel like going through the motions sometimes, but in the end, it DOES matter... you will get through this Michele, and we all have your back

Michele, I feel the same way as you do...I feel lucky to have had Tommy for nearly 22 years, but devastated that he is gone, and while I can't imagine living the rest of my life alone, I also can't imagine being with 'someone else'...but I really don't think it will be an issue...I have a lot of what many would consider 'baggage'...most men would run the other way...

Michele, I have asked myself a lot of those questions to, and one thing I know is that weather it was 40 years or 400 years it wouldnt be enough. That's what love and marriage are about. We don't want to keepn going but we have to in order to finish the job our husbands started. Its not easy but we must. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs, Jo

I know how you feel, sometimes I wonder why I didn't get to leave with him. everything we did together, I haven't figured out how to go on without my Shanne. I am totally lost and alone even with my family here off and on I still feel alone. I just feel empty!!

Hugs Michele, My heart breaks for you.

I feel the same way. I am so sorry. The time we get with our spouse isn't enough and never will be. I have such a hard time being without Mike and every single day I tell him. So much is changing and I can't control any of it. Sharon is right don't rush it. I know thats hard because you want to feel better and you want him back. Some one just told me that I wasn't trying because I didn't want to heal. Well I don't know about that but I know that if they went through this HELL I wouldn't say the same to them. I pretend everyday since I lost him. I push it back as much as I can and I find that doing that only hurts me. I question everything in my life every single day. Hang in there We all need you!!! and we are here for you.

Lisa

I remember when I felt the same way. When people asked trying to be kind and say how are you, you look so good, it made me feel why bother even saying anything as a whole people did not want to really hear how I was doing and I was tired of saying I am doing good.
I can not remember what I said but I found a phrase I used which was nice but made me feel like I was not pretending.

Pretending to myself was another thing. I got a positive affirmation book which irritated me at times, I did one good thing for myself just for me once a week, I said ten times a morning I expect the best of life and with GODS help will attain it, I also did things that made a corner of my world FOR JUST ME, to make me feel OK with just me. I think that helped me. It got me going to start working on things needing to be done first. It took while trying different things so thought I would share. And while I am ok and I do feel sometimes is this all there is LIFE is better than pretending I was ok. Hope it helps some and I hope you can find that ok one step to more peace in your life. HUGS