My condolences. From what I've read of other peoples experiences the bad memories are part of the immediate grieving/mourning, and are eventually replaced by more positive memories/experiences. I hope that's true. Lost my wife of 43 years 3 weeks ago tomorrow.

Sorry for your loss, Rick51. I have heard that, too, but my patience runs a little thin these days. "Eventually" is taking too long. Don't get me wrong, the not-so-bad days are increasing and the bad days are getting fewer and farther between, and I guess I really don't dwell on her battle as much as I used to. It just seems that when things get bad, the sad memories is all I can conjure up. I made it thru Thanksgiving. Now I have to figure out how to make it thru Christmas.

I lost my husband to cancer 3 weeks ago and I too struggle with memories of the before cancer Charlie and the after. (He was diagnosed 4 1/2 years ago). I have found going thru old pictures has helped me bring back the good memories.

I'm glad that you found us because this is the perfect place to vent and get things off of your mind! We all get it and understand where you're coming from.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband was sick for quite a while too and those bad memories do haunt you in the beginning. I know "eventually" seems like forever but it's really not. Before you know it, days turn into months. "Eventually" you will have more "good days" for lack of better words than bad and the good memories will start run over the bad. I know when I start to think about the last years and the sadness of the impending death, I change the channel of my mind and redirect it to the good memories prior to all of that, they certainly far outweigh the bad! It's not that I'm ignoring it...it's just that I have replayed it over and over in my mind enough. There comes a time when there's no point in rehashing those awful days/years. It does no good for your mind or even your body. After all, your love would want you to be as happy as you possibly could in this chapter 2. Wouldn't you want that for her if the shoe were on the other foot? I'm sure she wouldn't want her death to define your life. So...to honor her and your life together, in time when you're ready, keep your eye open for that glimmer of hope because believe me, it is out there if you allow yourself to see it, grasp onto it and then experience it! She will guide you as love is eternal!
You're very new to this life, so just hang in there and take each day one at a time.
Warmest hugs to you for strength and courage!
Darcie

Sorry for ur loss dear, I wish u could be able to talk to me..

If I were to continually rehash the memories of the "cancer" days, I would go totally insane. Although I do admit to a certain curiosity as to treatment methods. We must have done everything wrong because it metastasized into the bones. Surgery and radiation couldn't fix it. I couldn't fix it. I still tend to stay up late and sleep in late - I guess to make for shorter days? Then I maniac to try to get something accomplished. Oh well, it is what it is. I am forging ahead very slowly. I guess I need to start going to the Senior Center, but that really isn't my style - except for the free doughnuts and coffee. I read a lot of clean romance novels because I miss having a little romance in my own life, although I don't think either of my late husbands had any concept of what that word means. Whatever works or helps you, do it.

jean fought metastatic stage 4 breast cancer for 4 1/2 yrs . that was almost ten percent of of our lives together.good and bad memories are hard to sort out. sometimes i think that she fought so hard because she knew i would suffer her loss so badly. this may seem crazy but after a yr, i talk to her all the time, and than realize im talking to an empty chair.watching the love of your life flicker and die is pure anguish. the old memories are still there buried, they will slowly emerge, savor them

Sorry to hear about your wife's passing. This can be a challenging time in all respects. I've come across an article that might give you insight and help. It's about practical living after the death of a spouse. I pray that this information will help you to find the answers you need to be at peace.

http://bit.ly/2gAq1Ez