Garry, I don't know if it's part of PTSD, but it surely happened to me. It was like a movie reel constantly going in part of my brain. I think we, as humans, just want to have a reason, to make sense out of it all. It's painful and awful, but - also unavoidable. I don't have an answer - journaling helped me to get the crap out of my head onto paper. Oh, and screaming therapy (thank you, Led Zep, from the bottom of my heart). My heart goes out to you. I know how bad this is. Hugs, Marsha

From what I understand this is normall! I also do this during the day mostly! I lost my David on the 14th of last month. He'd just seen the day doctor three days previous. He'd had some leg pain but they figured it was due to his lower back pain from an old auto-accident. I'd told him to ask them about blood clots since several people stated to check into it. I have no clue if he actually did that day he went or not. He was fine from what I could tell that Saturday morning. Wed' gotten up taken our normal pain meds and went to town to get the trailer it's tags - ran into his nephew who was getting ready to have a bone marrow transplant in January - he's techniqually in remission with Lukemia but they want to make sure it don't come back. Left and drove the 30 min drive to go and help my boss move stuff from one house to another. He was being his normal onry self - we had to stop because we lost a piece of plywood and he fixed that and boss called to make sure we were still on schedule and I said yep as soon as I feed the beast we'll be there. Ten minutes later he had a heart attack and I thought at first he was joking around. It took me only 4 minutes to get the hospital and I ran in screaming and came back started CPR. His lips were already blue it was the last time my lips touched his. I screamed and screamed and called ppl and then was told he was gone. I freaked! I lost my soul mate and I still play it back and blame myself for it. If I'd only gone with him to his doc appt instead of work if I'd only called to make sure he'd checked about that if only I'd asked how he was that morning - he was never one to complain about much. I know it's not my fault but I still blame myself I still feel this ice cold grip around my heart most of the time. I keep busy and on my days off I'm with friends or family - I moved back home the day after Thanksgiving. Been sorting through things and selling them. Because I can't keep our home :(

Garry, this also happened to me, and still does on occasion at 10 months. My husband died very suddenly and totally unexpectedly. I have relived that night a million times. Like Patty, I also feel guilty because he had been to the doctor that day and they told us he was healthy and his heart was strong. I wish I had questioned the doctor more... maybe if we'd gone to a different doctor...if EMS had gotten here sooner......on and on. A lot of us go through this. I don't know much about PTSD. Maybe someone else here can help you more with that.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Wishing you peace,
Linda

Yeah, it can be part of PTSD. I went through that as Cliff died unexpectedly in front of me and our kids of a heart attack. It didn't make any sense - he was fine the night before, complained of a little indigestio, then then next morning I woke up to him gasping his last. I replayed the whole freak show scenario of his death and the CPR and the paramedics over and over.

What finally stopped it for me as to write it all down. I wrote down every single detail, sobbing while I wrote it. I put it all down in a notebook and then closed the notebook, and told myself it was all there "safe and sound" should I ever need all those details, but that I did not need to keep the reruns going anymore. It sounds stupid, but it worked. I did not need to run that 24/7 through my brain.

I still have the notebook. I waited a long time before I went back and read it. But I have it if I need it.

I am sorry forn your loss and that you are going through this, too. I hope this helps you a little.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think this happens to all of us no matter how our loves left us. I kind of think it really is our minds not wanting us to forget. It subsides somewhat with time but still pops up at the most unexpected times. This is all part of the process of this awful grief thing. We all question and blame ourselves at one time or another. So many of us had partners that were at the doctors a day or so before and the inevitable still happened. We couldn't have known and we can't keep second guessing ourselves. If you keep rehashing that last day over and over you'll just make yourself sick. Most of the time when those thoughts crop, I shake my head and change the channel in my mind. Doesn't always work but most times it does.
Martha's suggestion of writing it all down in detail is an excellent idea. It hurts like hell while you're doing it but really does help. Sometimes we just need to get it out there.
Again I'm so sorry for your loss. We are here for you.
Peace to you
Darcie

Hi Garry. I went through that for about 6 weeks. My husband had prostate cancer and I was a caregiver. I would literally feel as though I was back at the hospital or other situation at odd times. I was told by a counselor that this is common. I still battle panic attacks, which aren't as bad as flashbacks at 12 weeks. A friend gave me a method to fight them: find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste. This brings you back to the present and seems to help. Take care, Deb

Unfortunately, the reliving of it is what we are left with. IF we were there.
Mornings were HELL for me because of that. The pre-dawn time and the very crack of dawn. I don't know how many times the memory of every detail came over me. but it was too many times.
EVERY morning started with tears of the last minutes I have memories of..

Youll know somewhat if it is ptsd I was diagnosed after two months after sean passed away. He was crushed under his truck, I wasnt there, but Im the one who found him. I started having panic attack and flash backs. I am much better now, but still sometimes relive what transpired, from the moment I went outside to see what he was doing in the cold....big hugs carla

I keep having this vision of walking down the corridor of the hospital toward the room my husband was in..reliving it over and over again...I envision all the places we went together, the sights, sounds...it's like I'm seeing things as if I am there, walking toward them, if that makes any sense...I don't know what it is, but it's unpleasant, because I know it's not real...not anymore.