Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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I am not ready

drew4lostluv
drew4lostluv
I recently went out on a outing with my social group at the Theaters. A girl that just joined the group noticed me and she was talking with me in the lobby, Wanting to know more about me and she was real nice. Very pretty I was agitated because I posted that I was just a guy looking to have fun and nothing else because I recently lost my wife. I know that I don't even want to flirt or anything of that nature. I told her about my wife and that I thought she was very pretty but I joined this group souly because it is not a dating site. She seemed to not hear anything I told her and continued. She even asked for my # after the show. This happened Sunday. I felt like I did something wrong. That is why I didn't post earlier. God she is very pretty and very forward of her interests. Why does things like this happen to me when I am not looking this online group is strictly a casual social group and there shouldn't be people like this in my group. I still feel connected too my wife and knowing that I didn't want anything to do with this girl made me feel good. Is that weird? Am I doing the wrong thing? I don't think I am. This has got me to feeling like a kid again. I am happy to know that I still have it. LOL

Gosh I am vein sorry. I don't think I will ever be in a serious relationship again. It doesn't feel right and I realize that I don't want to ever invest myself in something so hard again I like having friends that are women and that is it.
drew4lostluv
drew4lostluv
I do like the fact that I am intristing enough that a person would try to flirt. But this I think it scared me more than anything. I would be happier if she just wanted to be friends. Maybe that is just how she talks maybe she is just flirty.
drew4lostluv
drew4lostluv
Should I make a complaint to the head of the group
drew4lostluv
drew4lostluv
I lost all my urges is that weird. I feel weird that I am ok with feeling like I am. I feel like a monk kinda. I don't miss making love like I thought I would. There is nothing there I have no entrist ever
VickiSColo
VickiSColo
Not sure about this one. I would be very repulsed at this time if anyone ever started to be flirty with me. I am just now thinking this, but I might actually end up being rude to them. You're right that she just might 'always' be this way, but that also strikes me strange. You might want to just talk to the head of the group. There may be other members who have shared with them and that might help you. Also, remember that sometimes people are just not aware of how they are acting, they could be that out of touch with what their social skills should be, and especially to someone recently widowed. Hope that helps.
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
Drew, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I think the girl in question has her own problems, and it is sounding like you need to keep your distance from her. Some people think that widows and widowers are easy targets - for sex, for money, for somebody to solve their problems. I am not saying you don't still 'have it' - LOL - but I am saying be careful. There are people out there looking for what they think is an easy way out of whatever problem theythemselves have.

I agree with Vicki - you might want to have a word with the group leader if it's supposed to be a social group with no romantic pressures on anyone.

As far as feeling like you did something wrong, you didn't, but old habits die hard. When you have been faithful to someone for a long-time, your first encounters after the loss will feel like cheating. And when men approached me after I lost Cliff, I didn't know how to handle it. It really does a number on your head. I also realized that I had to change some of MY behavior, to make sure I wasn't unintentionally giving off the wrong vibes. Guys that I used to kid around with suddenly thought I was being flirty because I was "single." It's another way that grief can rewrite your address book, too. I have always had male friends, but becoming a widow/single changed a lot of that.

Love and Hugs,
Martha
Scouserboots
Scouserboots
There is nothing wrong in the way you feel. You are not ready nor have the feeling to be in a relationship with anyone, like you said you are connected to your wife.

As for the person who wanted your number, she may just have that kind of personality that is a little too "forward", and in the fact that she didn't listen to what you were saying only gives a very bad impression of someone that doesn't care, and that is the kind of person no one needs in their life.

I think eventually she will figure out that the group you belong to is not a dating group, she will more than likely not go to the next activity the group has planned.
sandeestttn
sandeestttn
I was repulsed the day after the funeral. A man knocked at the door invited himself in, and asked me to marry him.....What? I was so furious....
mel40
mel40
There is nothing wrong with you. It does do a number on your head. I can't imagine "relationship" with anyone, either. I told the guy I had a date with last night that I can't imagine getting married to someone else. He said "ya, it must be hard." He is looking for someone to marry. I am not. Im sorry she wouldnt listen to you. If you stay adamant, maybe eventually she will give up.
I miss physical intimacy. That's been very difficult for me. My husband was the only one I was ever with. I wish I had your problem of no urges. It creates a lot of guilt for me.
riplakish
riplakish
My 2 cents,
nothing wrong w/ you @ all. Be honest & upfront w/ her. I used to deliver pizzas, in our hometown. About a month after Cindy passed, I got a friend request on Myspace from someone I'd delivered pizzas to in the past. She wanted to meet for coffee so we 'could get aquainted w/ each other'. It felt like I was cheating!!! Tell her you're not comfortable right now, & if she respects it, let it go. If not, then talk to the director.