I am so sorry for your loss. It is difficult for the ones that got left behind no matter what the circumstances were surrounding the love ones death. I loss my husband overseas during a business trip. I didn't have a chance to see him, say good bye or to give him a last hug or kiss. He was a healthy person, seldom catch a cold and no heart problem. He died after getting ill at a vendor sponsored dinner. They neglected to take him to the hospital and he died at the hotel, but they said he died in the ambulance. I may never know the truth. Just take it one day at a time, that's all you can do for now. Well wishes to you.

The first thing I would like to say is something we all have heard. I am truly sorry for your loss. Knowing your other half is going to die and them being horrified of the unknown afterlife is definitely not any easier. I am only 32 years old and had known my wife was going to die 2 years before the fact. She died on March 3rd of this year. The only reason I didn't attempt what you weren't successful at is this group. I was so close but I made a friend here and she reached out to me. She begged and pleaded for me not to end my life. I grew quit fond of her and she would say that there is a reason you are still here, You were not meant to leave, Not like this. I listened to her telling me things would get better. I thought of that as a joke for a long time. We talked frequently and I told her I was lonely. She told me what I am going to tell you when you are ready to hear it. She told me to Put Myself Out there. That simple fraise changed my life. I was afraid to at first, But now I have new friends to discuss good positive things. I can now make new happy memories which I never thought I could. I am not over my wifes death, never will be. But I can now have a day where dread and sadness does not overwhelm me. I no longer contemplate suicide. I hope you don't think me a coward for not trying.

You will 1 day be happy to be alive. I have to admit I am not always happy to be here but my depression has lessoned and I do have happy days. The only surviving members of my family is my father who is demented and incontinent, Who I care for, My aunt who I help care for, And my son who was taken away from me because I had lost my mind while my wife was dieing.. So you see I have many reasons why I don't want to be here. I get to see my son once a month. He is a year and a half old and every time I go and see him, I have to reintroduce my self to him every time. Knowing that my son looks at another man as a father more than me kills me. That was a big thought in my contemplation of suicide. But then I got to thinking as he gets older he will learn who I am and will demand to be with me more. I don't know that will happen, but it is a big part of what keeps me here. You still have a reason for being here and only you can say what that is. The people here are good genuine people. they will be that invisible shoulder to cry on. I hope I helped

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a goid friend to suicide. Too many unanswered questions, cant imagine what you are going through.
Just take this weekend one step at a time and know that we are here for you.
Diane

I understand the time of year being difficult, when at one time it was a moment of great joy and happiness, but now a very painful time.

The summer both my wife and I enjoyed very much, especially August, this was the time we both had vacation time off work. Now summer will no longer be the same. We loved to camp, we loved to go on day trips with the grandchildren, we would catch up on what needed to be done around the house, repairs and any improvements.

Life is not the same, now it is trying to make it through each day the best I can without my wife by my side.

My heart goes out to you. I just hope that the ritual, the Aerial Ash Scattering will bring some peace. Rituals are very important, because they not only provide the ways of honoring those who are gone, but also give you steps into letting go, making his life's chapter on Earth being completed with dignity and significance.
Keep in touch, share, and express your thoughts and feelings. We are here for you.
warm hug

I can tell you I am sorry for your loss. I to lost my husband in a sudden death he died of double pneurmoania and he had very high blood sugar. I never got to kiss my husband goodbye either. I have no children, but I have dogs and cats to keep me busy, I also have a couple of roomates who keep me busy. All I can tell you is you will feel miserable it is part of grieveing no one can tell you different. I think every widow/widower has that question why did you take my husband/wife away. This group has very good advice and we are here if you need to vent or if you have a dilema. Once again so sorry for your loss.

My thoughts are with you. May you find the strength to get through the day. There is comfort in having so many people there to honor your husband. -Deb

It makes me very sad to read your story. Such a great man your husband was. He accomplished a lot in his lifetime and I know you have many wonderful memories. I am somewhat familiar with suicide as my best friend committed suicide. It is so unexpected and there are so many questions that will never be answered. For me, I went to the library and checked out every book there was on suicide. It helped a lot. The bottom line is, we never know why they did it. But we do know that there was nothing we could have done to stop it. It was outside our relationships and was something internal that pushed that final button. I'm so very sorry. Losing your husband that way must be so painful. I'm sorry for your loss. It's a good thing to celebrate a life with little ceremonies such as you have planned. We honor our loved ones and give them a warm goodbye. I'm sure as your balloons are released, he will be feeling your love. Best wishes today and tomorrow on your anniversary. Fill your mind with the happy memories.

I am so sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter how your loved one was lost. You are the same as all of us who have lost their spouses. The pain is the same. The greiving and the sadness, all the same. Celebrate your spouses life, it sounded like a full one. And your life with him. My husband was a Chemist, and he lost his mind a few years ago. I am at 4 1/2 months into it, afterb being married 49 years. I can't imagine the pain he felt.both physical and mental. But it has ended now. I try to remember good moments he had with me. Take your time. Deal with it as it comes. Blessings to you.
Sandee

I am so sorry. I just cannot imagine what you are going through! I hope you have a good support group. I am totally deaf myself and depended so much on my husband, Joe, I used his ears to make my life more comfortable. I found him dead on the bathroom floor, a massive heart attack. From then on was downhill for me, and now at almost 5 years I am beginning to forget about that picture of him on the bathroom floor! After awhile your mind and body kind of learns to accept what happened, perhaps not "why", but at least that they are gone and will not be back. You will get alot of comfort from DS! Hugs!

KK

I will add you in my prayers . I completely understand...I lost my husband to suicide as well...we were discussing my plans for him to see his kids from previous relationships which included him staying with his parents on a temporary basis...he didn't like the suggestion.. he threatened to do it, I calmed him down...or I thought I did...I left the area of our home for less than 5 minutes...I found him....I couldn't save him....he didn't want to leave me on a temporary basis....yet he left on a permanent basis....my heart was, is and always will be crushed....time does make it bearable...I will never forget...I will never know why...I will always love him.

I am so sorry for all your pain. I have no experience with suicide and can not imagine the depth of your loss. Having lost my husband to lung cancer I do understand the horror of trying to build a life without them. It's an unsurmountable task that must be handled in small pieces to survive. I hope you find sharing here gives you strength to get through the pain. Sharon