Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My husband passed away in March of this year. I have had several panic attacks and just taking it one day at a time.He had stage 4 lung cancer and the chemo was shrinking the cancer. He was doing better and had a good day that day. I did yell at him that night for leaving his pain meds on the table again after I had asked him not to because we had already had a scare when I thought my great- niece had taken one of his pills. We did end up having a good night and talked about some things. He woke up that night having a cough attack and was coughing up blood and ended up his aorta had ruptured and he bled out. I sometimes feel that I could have gotten him to the hospital faster than the ambulance that arrived. I did go back to work a week after my husband passed. It has been hard but now my employer wants to send me to a different school for the upcoming school year. I know 3 people there and will be losing my support except for my familiy. Thinking about taking going back to my old job which is a cut in pay and less hours but in the same building.
I know it has been very hard to return to work so soon. To many, the first months following loss of a spouse are like being in a "fog" and having a hard time focusing. If your co-workers are very supportive, I can see why you don't want to move to another work location. I hope this situation works out for the best.
Try not to feel guilty about the "what if's" at the time of your husband's passing. We all do the best we can at the time, and hindsight is always 20/20. DS members understand how you feel and you can express yourself freely here. I have been a widow 6 1/2 yrs. and know how hard the first year is.
Wishing you peaceful days - Doye
The anxiety attacks are horrible. Have you seen a doctor about them?
We all question if we had done something different would there have been a different outcome. Nearly 90% of patients with aortic injuries die before they even get to the ER. Among those who have this injury and arrive alive at the hospital, 20-30% will die in the first six hours, 40-50% in the first 24 hours and 60-80% in the first week. So even if you had gotten him to the hospital faster the outcome almost certainly would have been the same.
Going back to work so soon has to be unbelievably hard. I know that I could barely function for months. As far as making decisions about your job... can it wait? Making big decisions early on is not a great idea.
I am glad you came here for some support and encouragement.
The first stages of this grief are almost unbearable. It is hard enough to even function when you feel so numb and can't seem to focus on
anything. It's just a whirlwind of emotions.
The job decision could be a blessing in disguise. You have choices.
Do whatever is best for YOU, in order to get through this stage.
Be kind to yourself, by taking care of your needs, physically, and mentally. Support is vital.
I am sorry you are on this journey, we will all be here with you.
Hugs........Sandra
Still not sure what to do about my job. Hopefully, they will have things figured out before school lets out.
Thank you again everyone and I will get back on here more often. Didn't think I could go sit in front of a bunch of people. This seems to be more of what I need right now.
As far as your job, if you can afford to take the cut in pay I say stay where you are. The emotional support will be worth it's weight in gold in the coming months. I too went back to work a week after my husband died. I couldn't have got through the last 10 months without the support of my friends I work with. Whenever grief hit me hard and I needed to take 5mins they covered for me, hugged me and were just there for me.
I'm sorry you're having to travel this road. Please find comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone. Come here often. We're all here to help each other. Sending you a big cyber hug, Liz
I agree with Doye regarding the 'fog' and difficulty of going back to work. The one good thing about going back to work is that it can help get you focused on doing something for others, which in turn can help lift spirits to some degree.
The 'what if's' seem to be something that many of us deal with. We cannot go back and change anything and must accept that we did the best we knew how to do at the time.
Mine died April 9th and I find myself hoping to wake up from this nightmare.
Sending you Love, Light and big hugs.