Ah, Michele, I know. You know in the movies where they show the hero/heroine standing still while everything whirls in fast motion around them? That's how I felt. But maybe that's what we need to do in the beginning, just stand still. I don't know that it's comfortable, but it may be what we need, just to gather our bearings.

Look for your own therapist. My doc recommended my therapist, but hospice also has a list of people, I believe. Try it - it won't hurt. I read "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis - he writes what we all feel from the viewpoint of one who has gone through it.

Vent away! Hugs to you - Marsha

Oh Michele, I am sorry you are going through a rough time. Believe it or not we have been there and walked in your shoes. I found out the only person who will be there when I need something and will be there on time is me, myself and I. Sure friends and family may help but always at their convenience and best time for them. So I have had to do most everything myself these past 5 months. Unless I pay them like the guy to mow my lawns. But looking back I have to say doing everything helped with my grieving as I kept very busy. You vent all you like! It helps to get it out as well! Hugs, Diane

Oh yes Michele, please vent all you want. You have every right. And yes, the only person you can really depend on is yourself. It's a damn hard lesson to learn, but learn it we must if we are going to make it. As Diane said, people will help at their own convenience....well that's just not good enough!! If we want it done, now, we have to do it ourselves. Big hug.
Darlene

Michele, I went thru the same thing when I had to sign the oldest son's birthday card with just my name....it was horrible.

I hope there will be brighter days for both of us.

Hugs
Jen

Michele, I will try to write you another post as I hit the enter tab on my keyboard and what I had wrote went somewhere !!! Anyway, I want to tell you that I am sorry you don't have anyone who you can depend on. That must hurt ! as well as tick me off ! Just reading that makes me so greatfull that I have my youngest son here. He comes and goes but is always concerned about me and runs errands for me. He gave up his last semester at college to stay home and help me with his Dad. I wanted him to go on but he said, "how can I go to school, intern write papers and all that comes with graduation when my Dad is laying in there dying ? He said it would be okay, he could always go to school but he wouldn't always have his Dad. Honest to pete, I don't know how I would have made it without him. When Gene was delusional and trying to get out of bed, or when it was medication time and he didn't want to take it, trying to keep his oxygen on his nostrils. It was hell and Nathan went beyond what his other two brothers did. He was my rock and I would do anything for him. Not many young people could change a colostomy bag or wash a body but he did. His joy was when his dad was cohearent, he would say " I love you Dad", and his Dad would say "I love you too Nathan." He said that's all he wanted was for his Dad to tell him that and Nathan said it alot. It was traumatic for Nathan too, poor kid ! He will be 27 yrs. old in October and for his age he is so very mature. Sorry, I braged too much, but I know he suffered with me till the end and I will never forget that. I guess I had to acknowlege him to my little world here. I think that some kids are in denial about their family because they have always seen their parents as strong and independent, not realizing that Mom or Dad need their support and help and a shoulder to cry on. I wish you had a bunch of kids Michele, I really do, perhaps others would help you. I hate that you can't depend on her. Sending my thoughts and a prayer your way. Message me anytime.!

Ruthann

Feeling for you Michele. I haven't had to sign cards yet. But now that you mention it, I'm thinking maybe I would add "in Heaven". It's probably harder for you since it sounds like you used to sign for both of you.

I've been signing cards
Love,
Karen and Marc (in Heaven!)

I know he'd approve of me signing his name, and do believe he's somewhere wishing that person a very Happy Birthday.

We all have the need to vent and doing it here is understood. We have so much we are dealing with another piled on us is enough. I was pretty lucky in the early years, but as I proceeded to rebuild my life alone everyone felt I needed their input. Sometimes you can't win. When you need them they're too busy and when you don't -here they come with their advice. Sharon

Thank you all so much for the wonderful support you are giving me.I do have a son that lives with me and he has been a rock. He will do anything I ask of him, but he works graveyards and it seems like on his days off I haven't had the energy to have him help me. He saw and did more for my husband these last three years and I won't go into detail, but things a son should not have to do or see. He is such an introvert that most of our conversations are light and short. It's not his fault that things around here have deteriorated so I don't feel he is responsible. And Ruthann I know I could never have brought my husband home without my son being here. As for signing the card I think I will add from Grandpa (in heaven) as my little Lola knows he is happy and healthy and he can fly! I don't want to cry anymore, but I do want to cry to get it all out. I too know that at some point Me myself and I will get everything back in shape. Just need some energy. Again thank you for all understanding. Hugs to all, Michele

This is the Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis that Marjoe commented on..

"Grief and pain are the price we humans have to pay for the love
and total commitment we have for another person.
The more we love, the more we are hurt when we lose the object of
our love.

But if we are honest with ourselves, would we have it any other way?"

I feel your pain Michele, and there are days when i feel exactly the same. We have so many emotions welling up inside of us- anger, sadness, hopelessness, and wishing we could just share one more time with the person who was our rock. at almost six months in, the extreme emotions have eased a bit, leaving me just sad. You just go ahead and vent! That is what we are here for - big hug Patti