Hi, I have no experience with Elks or Eagles. Meetup.com is a good bet, you know you can start your own group there, too, if nothing strikes your fancy. Just a thought...

I am an ex-pat American now living in England. I had no friends here, and church is not the best option for me as I was not raised Church of England, although I have volunteered with the church and supported it here in our village - our village is so small it is the only church here. The vicar (pastor) is a lovely lady, and I support her entirely, but it is not really my church.

What helped me get acquainted with the locals was to join a ladies book club. We met once a month, and that led to invites to other gatherings/events, etc. You might check with your local library and see if there is a book club you could join. Some book clubs meet in homes (ours did) but some meet at the library. If there isn't one, I would bet your local librarian would be happy to help you start one, especially if it met at the library - it would be 'good for business' for them.

Your old fraternity probably has an alumni association. Have you tried checking for that? I have an old friend of many years who is still involved with his fraternity, now as an alumni and mentor.

Have you thought of trying to build on the friends you do have? Why not invite them for a potluck lunch or supper and let them know you would like to make new friends and encourage them to bring someone along. If they have been friends a long time, then they know your life has been through several changes, and I would bet they would support you trying to move forward and be more engaged with the world.

Do you have any hobbies? There is a resurgence of interest in crafts - knitting, quilting, embroidery, etc. - and many towns have craft clubs or guilds. You can check online and with your local craft stores (Michael's, JoAnn's, Hobby Lobby, etc.), to get connected.

Most cities offer courses for adults and seniors either through the school district (held at schools after hours) or through the local park department. These are usually close by and inexpensive or no fee depending on what it is. I checked and in Atlanta they are run through the Park & Rec Dept., Office of Recreation. The ones offered for seniors are for 50+ so you would qualify. Here is a link to their page - scroll down to the link on Seniors and it opens a pdf listing of classes:

http://www.atlantaga.gov/index.aspx?page=251

I can tell you I struggle to expand my circle, too. Transportation is an issue for me as I am not qualified to drive here yet - it's one of the things that is very different from the States - so access for me was a big issue. I had to work with what I could get to very locally, and I am still working on it. Being a foreigner (!) has made it difficult to really connect with people here, but I am pursuing all the avenues open to me. I haven't given up, and I hope you don't either.

Hope this helps...

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I have no experience with the Eagles. My husband was an Elk, and it is a wonderful charitable organization. You will meet a lot of people there.

I met my new friends through running bus trips for my church, going to bingo weekly, as well as a ceramics studio. The same group meets faithfully on Wednesday and we have a blast. I did volunteer at our local hospital, but after 20 years I gave it up. After my husband's battle with cancer, I just couldn't walk into the hospital doors anymore. Tried a local Masonic Home for the aged, but it came to be the same feeling - no walk through door. I guess my system is telling me that I've had enough and it needs a rest.

I have created a wonderful circle of supportive friends, as well as closeness to my family members.

The key is to step out of the box and try new things. Meet Up is a good org. They have tons of events.

Yes, volunteering gets you out of the house. Our library has a bookstore where I volunteer and also at the senior center. I have to push myself also because no relatives except a sibling over 100 miles away. I also play bingo with friends and it is a nice social event... Nevertheless, it still will never replace the loss of a love. Will look into meet.up.... Maybe a cooking event would be nice and social too. We just have to keep moving forward. Our spouses would want us to be happy and to have a good life...

I understand the need to have more friends. I have one good friend in my neighborhood and lucky for me, she loves to cook and entertain (just a few other neighbors), so I'm well fed:-) I took classes at our senior college for awhile, but found I'd taken all the ones that interested me and didn't make any friends there (they were older and retired from the academic world and I'm not from that world). My brother and SIL Are any hour from me, but they have their own busy life. And I have a dear friend in another state, so it makes seeing her often not an option, but we talk everyday. I looked into meetup.com and there are a lot in my area and in fact I joined a Wine and Food meetup and am going to my first one Sat. I can't volunteer at hospitals or nursing homes, as it brings back too many bad and sad memories. I will tell you, I have tried to stay busy busy and lately I've grown tired of the trying. I'm coming up on a year since my husband died and I feel like that big hole that was left and me trying to fill it, just isn't really working. The hole stays empty no matter what I do. I thought for a while it was slightly filling, but the reality of it all has totally sunk in now. I did make a friend at my hospice group who I occasionally have lunch with and we have both stopped going to the group...didn't find it did much for me. I do agree you have to try lots of things and hopefully just one will sort of stick. I'm still looking. For me, it gets tiring and I hope someday I'm comfortable just living a simple life mostly at home. I really just don't see the point sometimes in it all.good luck..Mary

Thank you so much Martha, Debbie, Rainbow, and Mary for your thoughtful replies. I really hadn't given much thought to adult education courses, but that does seem like a great way to meet people with similar interests. It turns out a nearby university has some courses this summer that look interesting, so I'll likely check that out. I'm with you, Debbie, that I want exactly NOTHING to do with hospitals for a while, no matter how noble the cause! I'm hoping if I get involved with the Elks that I'll be able to work with some of their veterans' projects--my dad was a WWII veteran, so that cause is close to my heart. I'm still on the fence about that, though. Both Elks and Eagles seem to focus a lot of their social gatherings around food and drink, and I'm a teetotaler on a perpetual diet. ;-)

I wish my best friend lived closer--she's about 15 miles away, which to most people in this town is an easy run, but for me it isn't (especially since it involves serious interstate driving). It's not uncommon in this region for people to live 30 miles outside the city limits in any given direction and still say they're from Atlanta. It can make choosing Meetups a bit challenging, but I'll keep trying.

Again, thanks for your support and caring. This group has helped make the transition to life alone so much more bearable.

I don't have any valuable suggestions, or even my usual asinine comments to offer, but I do wish you the very best luck and great results with this project. Let us know how it goes please.

Best wishes, ((())) Sue