I have enough problems dealing with loosing my husband, I don't know how I would deal with this. :( my heart goes out to you. I am here as a friend if you need to vent . Just hang in there and I know it isn't easy . Some great people in here
xxxxxx
Patricia

I am so sorry and am at a loss for words as I cannot imagine the pain confusion and betrayal you must feel. I wish you peace

I'm very sorry you are facing that. I lost my wife last month but haven't had to face anything like that. Hoping for the very best for you.

You immediate loss is terrible enough. Now you must feel like you have lost twice. Your emotions must be all over the place. I hope you have family and friends you can talk to, that does help. But keep coming here, I found that you can be more honest about your feelings w

With strangers about things you may not want to share with those close to you. The important part is to talk about it and not let it stay inside and drive you crazy. I wish you well.

I agree with "walkingtall" ... it's important to talk about it and let your feelings out. And this is the best place to do just that. There will always be someone here to listen. It sounds as though you did not know anything about the affairs before your husband passed away. I know this sounds strange, but sometimes people tell you hurtful things about a loved one who has passed ... and who knows why? Maybe they're true ... and maybe they're not. Please try to focus on the relationship that you and your husband had with each other ... and don't dwell on any bad choices he may have made.
Wishing you peace . . .
Bandi

I have had that happen to me..lies being said..I would not believe everything i hear..

I also would want concrete evidence to confirm my husband had been cheating first before i would believe it. I had a similar thing happen after my husband died, but it was just a few emails i discovered after he had died to someone else. It turned out the supposed beautiful young lady turned out to be a nigerian scammer wanting money, lol. The emails were so convincing & flattering though he fell for it for a little while. Because i discovered those emails after he died i couldn't confront him about it. But seeing as we had been having some relationship problems before his death i gave him a pass because nothing had ever happened.
Still it turned my world even more upside down to add to my already grieving and broken heart, and it does complicate the grief process.
If you do find for a fact your partner had cheated on you for sure, them maybe getting some professional advice on how to deal with it could be of help to you even if you only see a grief counsellor the one time.
And then we have this forum which i think there could in fact be others on here that has happened to also, and there could even be a thread on here that addresses just that particular issue?
Sending healing thoughts your way even though i get what you might be going through right now, as it is another shock on top of the grief you are already going through. Hugs & strength to you to get through this,

In the year before my partner graduated to the other side, he was reaching out & into his past much more than he had ever done. 6 months before he had a heart attack & drowned, he shared with me that he had made contact with a girl from his youth; that, at the time they first met, years before, he felt she was "the one" and that it was only through some twist of fate that they parted ways and lost touch. Of course this rather stung me, cuz I wanted to be "the one". But I recalled people in my own past I felt a strong connection/ attraction to; why shouldn't he hold similar feelings? And I shut up. He shared that nothing came of this correspondence - I think he even let me read a letter (or perhaps I saw an email after he passed). She replied, gave an update on her life and the family she had since they last saw one another, they made the polite "next time you're this way let's get together for coffee" kinda thing & that was that. Of course had it amounted to more, I would now be singing a different tune! But when he told me, I could sense a very strong and distinct vulnerability in him- like he was aching to recapture something - elusive - vitality - understanding of meaning and motivation- reasons for all of his life? This wasn't about me, this was about HIS soul - this was his story. I felt privileged that he confided in me and that's what became about us. Now, if you have discovered facts that your husband was "having affairs", I'm not saying you should feel privileged or honored, but perhaps, if he was very sickly, or sensed within his own self something fleeting, maybe he was trying to recapture something too. If he did have affairs, yes he was playing with fire, but he did not tell you, he did not hurt or leave you. He is not here any longer to answer to you, but you will find out all truth when you meet on the other side (at least I and many others smarter and more spiritually evolved than me believe you will!). Please try to embrace the love and relationship and time you shared with him. The other stuff will just tear you up and it's not going anywhere anymore, let it go. Talk to us and at us anytime too! That's why we're here - to share and learn.
nanne

I too discovered my husband, who passed five months ago had cheated. I refuse to make excuses for his behavior. I had no clue. If I had known I would have left him. Staying with someone who doesn't value you doesn't work for me. I found financial and written evidence. This took planning, it was no accident. We were married 42 years, together 46. I don't know what to morn, him, fake marriage, my wasted 42 years. I always knew he was difficult at times, but really was blind. I look back and wonder how many others there may have been. Still my world was turned upside down by his death. I go between rage and grief everyday. I don't tell most people. I get it, you don't know how to feel. I believe after we die, we are spirt with a completely loving soul, that see everything differently. But I live here now and am sad and very mad.

My husband never stood by me throughout our marriage. I don't doubt he dilly-dallied around until he got sick and everyone pulled away. He was amazed that I was willing to drive him to the doctors and so forth. He didn't understand why I didn't mind doing it. I told him this is what married people do for each other. At least I got that zinger in before he went to the great beyond. There's a real old song called "Strings". The guy sings about how hard it was to live with the strings that had him tied to his wife and children, he had to work so hard and missed the freedom he had as a single guy until one day his heart gave out and he found the strings that used to tie him down were now the
ones that held him up. Your husband was a jerk for cheating, that makes you a saint my dear, not a fool.