i was about to ask the same question. My husband has been gone for 4 months now. I did his dirty laundry that was left in the basket about a month after he passed and its still in the basket waiting to be put away but i can bring myself to do anything with it so it just sits. Same goes for all the farm, fire department and hunting clothes. i know someone out there will benefit from them if i donate them but the act of packing them up puts a reality onto the face he will never need this stuff again...and i dont know if im ready to go there yet. So 4 months out no there is no time line, there is no deadline i feel like one day i will just want it done and do it, until then his things will wait for me to be ready.

It's been 61 days. I don't think I will go through his things ever.

its interesting....we all know there is no timeline, yet there is some underlying feeling, at least for me, that I "should" be doing something. I moved some stuff from the dresser into a cedar chest, gave a few dress shirts to my brother and that is about it. I have not disconnected his cell nor his email. I am 7 months out and really don't see me going through the closet, etc for some time. A friend of my husband's lost his wife about 7 years ago. He said he didn't deal with stuff for 5 years. When I think of him, I always relax a bit and know that I will do it when the time feels right, but that time is not right now.

I went through Dons clothing over and over again. At first looking at them crushed me. Eventually I felt closer to him touching them aND returning them to their proper drawer. It was months before I considered releasing them to another person. When you are ready to you will know. Don't rush yourself. You can come to the decision when the time is right for you. Sharon

I have left Chad's things exactly where he left them for the last 6.5 months. Yesterday I was laying in bed and said to myself, I have to dump his cigarettes (from the porch) and move the clothes from under the bed, wipe down his night stand and his side of the counter in the bathroom. I left it like a museum... but I feel like its time. Everyone is different.

it's been 2 years for me and I still have many items I cannot yet bring myself to go through; who really wants to immerse themselves willingly into a clusterf--k of triggers? and that's not even going to the very real & sacred connection you're going to make between beloved and lived- in items and the life they represent, your own self here and now, and him NOT HERE AND NOW!!!

Why do I remain and he doesn't?
Why is the love and feeling and energy in "stuff" still around and he isn't?
Where is this energy residing, so tangible and yet so intangible?

I pretty much was able to finally go through most of his clothing, finding genuine satisfaction in matching items to people; like the co-worker with the weird sense of humor for the oversized tee shirts with the off the wall messages that John loved so well, or the possible homeless vet who might discover a beautiful warm overcoat at the Vietnam Vet's donation center.
But, on the otherhand, I still keep the 3 aluminum votive light containers I know he had lit the night before he died - because HE touched them and they are the last he ever lit. And I cannot bring myself to discard the plastic water bottle I know he drank out of 2 days before he died; it has his thumb indentation in it still. These items are technically trash but how can I discard them? They hold more meaning.

Then one day I was moving a selection of baseball caps from one area to another, putting them in the donation bag, having a second thought, pulling them back out, putting them on the hat rack again! and doing this about 3 or 4 times before I had a realization hit...you know, John doesn't even have a f-----g HEAD anymore! He doesn't have a body!!! HE IS DISINCARNATE NOW!!! and the full weight of that hit me, and not in a sad way, or a way that said he no longer exists...but that he just existed with different variables! and then I thought, why should I be treasuring his hat, when his head had held so much more meaning to me - and that is NO LONGER?! No, if anything, his head is mixed in with the rest of his ashes, sitting there in their green velvet bag on the coffee table! And the full impact, absurdity, sacredness, and viability of energy everlasting hit me.

So I was able to pass the hats on for the most part. Don't get me wrong, there are still items I cannot bear to part with - the memories are just too fond. And, like I said, there are collections I just don't want to address right now, but I know they will be gotten to in time.

Like a friend said, if it doesn't all come out in the wash, it will come out in the lint basket of the dryer!

Don't be hard on yourself, Eji, you will make your way through all in time.

I am most likely an exception: 2 days after my husband died our very good friends lost their home and disabled son in a fire. Keith was Roger's size so I gave his boots, jeans and shirts to him. He was so thankful & feel very priveleged to have them. The rest I still have his hunting coat, belt, and some items. The rest because so much was already gone I loaded to the Goodwill - as they carted them away I wanted to shout NO NO I want them back but knew they would be put to good use at our local shelter. His cap he got when we got the pickup is still in the truck well worn but it means a lot. YOU will know after 6 years I am really starting to take items (household) and changing them out to be ME. I want to reflect my tastes now, selling some items, keeping some. What I did do was changed my bedroom furniture around, paint some rooms, changed bedding, pictures etc. because after awhile I felt it was holding me back. IT did make me feel good at the time & I was ready. I finally decided I want to accept the ME as there was no longer a WE.

Hi Ej1
So glad that you asked this question! It's been just over a year since my husband passed but I've not been able to do anything with his clothing items that are "so him" such as his bathrobe, the kooky hat he always wore in winter, etc. I have a donation pick up scheduled for this Friday, 8/5 (have several bags of my and kids' old stuff) and I've promised myself that I am going to put at least one of his items in the bag. I am sure that there is someone who will make good use of the coats and sweaters and such. It's hard but I feel like this is part of my healing process so I'm going to try. There's no deadline though - if I don't do it this week, I'll just try again another time. We must all go according to our own hearts.

It is such a personal thing, timing is different for all, with me since we had just downsized 2 months before hubby went into care for the last 8 months of his life we had done a great deal of de-cluttering, purging. Adding to that he lost so much weight during that time, he really could only wear his shirts, all the nice new jeans I bought him fell off of him. This may sound awful and I don't know how I did it, but I have no regrets. I packed up almost all his clothes/jackets/shoes just 2-3 days before he passed. (Nurses told me it was a matter of a few days for him to leave). I think for me it was a way of accepting the fact he was not coming home ever again and that he truly had no chance of wearing all of the clothes sitting in our closet, in fact I found them to upset me. I donated them a few days after he passed.

The day before he left, he was not responsive at all, I spent some of that time while sitting with him all day, sorting through and organizing his belongings in the care unit, to the point when my eldest son and I went in 2 days later, all we had to do was take down all the pictures from the wall and disconnect the tv system. All the personal things, I had packed and ready to go. (they then sat in the garage for about 2 weeks before I could deal with them), For me this worked, I know it would of been a very upsetting task to do under the pressure of having to free up the room. He had a lot of "things" there. I said to his nurse "I hope you do not think I am jumping the gun" She replied, NO.... you are doing the right thing, it is part of the acceptance. My husband was an artist so our home is filled with his talent, that is what helps me through. I treasure the small collection of hand tools we kept from the big family home, when I have to use them, I talk to him about what I am doing :)
So move at your own pace, if it feels right, then it is the right time. HUGS

Hi. It's been 10 months and 3 days since I lost my husband. I've only let go of some things. Keep trying to do something with the rest but I feel like I can't face an empty side of his closet. I'm working on restoring furniture and wondering if I will just put his things in the dressers when they are ready or if I'll be able to let go. Either way it doesn't matter. When I'm ready, I'll know.

It is a very personal thing and there is no right or wrong time limit. I was like Khis, having the clothes around really upset me. He had not been able to wear most of his clothes for the 8 months he was ill as he was bed bound most of that time (lung and bone cancer). It was like I was mad at the clothes because he could not wear them and became very upset seeing them. My son stayed with me for a few weeks after my husband passed and we went through the clothes together, keeping some but my cousin brought most of them to our church's clothes closet for those in need. It took quite awhile for me to be able to go through other things. We all do what we can when we can. Take care.

It's been over a year now for me, and gradually I am going thru my husbands things. I think it's as individual as our grief is. Some of his things I gave to charity, others I sold, some to friends that helped along the journey. Others I have kept and probably always will. I think you will know what to do when the time is right for you. Hugs and blessings. Katrina

I forgot to mention that I have been wearing his T-shirts and boxers to bed. So I have been making some use of his things :). I just noticed that there are a pair of lounge pants hanging on a hook in the closet. Have been there since December, I guess. Walk past them everyday but hadn't really noticed them.

I can't recall how long it took me to go through his clothes. I know it took me longer to go through his tools. They were his pride and joy.
I put away one of his white t-shirts in a Ziploc bag to smell whenever I missed his scent. I had a friend make me a quilt with his t-shirts. I wrap myself with it and share it with our boys. I left some work office shirts in tact in our closet. I like seeing them there. His boots are always sitting next to the front door too. The tools I had to store away so the boys may use them some day. He would have wanted his tools well taken care of for future use.
I was emotionally and physically exhausted for several weeks. Do it when you are ready. It is never too soon or too late. It's whatever and whenever you feel ready.

Hi, my husband passed fifteen plus months ago. His coat is still on the back of the front door. It took me ten months do shut his cell phone off. I don't know when I will go through his things, if and when I am ready I guess! Don't force yourself to do anything you aren't ready for! Hugs and love, Michele