Eileen, my wife passed away this past June, 2007, so I don't have much to offer in advice just yet, other than your experience is much like my own and you will find like others that participate in this site. My only suggestion, which I am trying to work through, is to take it a day at a time and continue to pray that we will be shown the way. The feelings of lost companionship and loneliness are very natural (I am feeling that way just this weekend as I work through the anniversary of my wifes passing...8 months. I hate weekends). I'm going to church this morning and will say a pray for you. Hopefully, in time we will find peace with our place here until we find our new way. Best wishes. Tony

Thank you for bringing this up. This is perhaps the hardest thing that I have had to deal with. It's a physical and emotional problem tied together.

The only thing that has helped me is massage therapy. I have been getting treatment once a week, sometimes twice (though I hesitate to admit that). This has helped a lot, but I still miss the emotional connection with the person touching me. I know that this is short term fix for me, as I can't really afford it in the long term.

I've read where some people have asked friends to hold them on the couch or lie down with them for a half hour on a platonic basis. I haven't done that.

As far as kissing another person, then you are getting into having a relationship.

Hope this helps. You are not alone.

Be well.

Mike

I know what you are talking about. I miss the touch on the shoulder, the hugs, the kisses, and just a touch. I am only 8 weeks out of my loves passing. Everyday I miss the touches. As humans we need regular touching. I hug people, but I miss the intimate touch of my partner. I even have a hard time sleeping in our bed. It is almost a chore to go to bed. I think the message thing is a great suggestion. But again, it is short term. Unless you are willing to find another partner, you are destined to hugs and touches from friends. We all are. I am so lonely. I need a touch, but like you I am content with being alone, for now. I miss my love. God Bless you.

Eileen, I don't know how to stop wanting the touch...I am not content either. I have started massage therapy - and it has helped. The 1st time, I cried the entire hour, but am fortunate to have found a very sensitive therapist. It does help, but of course is a poor substitute for what we really need. It is important that you be honest with the therapist about the reasons you are there. I need someone to lie down with, but don't feel comfortable asking for that. For now I have to be content with the virtual hugs from friends here at DS. Blessings to you and please contact me if you want to talk...Susan

This is a hard one. My husband has only been gone not 2 months yet. The first two weeks I asked friends to just come lay down with me, and only if they felt comfortable with it. I hug my grand kids, I hug anyone that has helped me. I would hug the milkman if I had one. So I understand what you are saying. The night times are the worst for me, My husband was a always tickling me, and I used to just hate it, but boy do I miss it these days. Sorry I have no answers for you., but I am here for you.

I have been upfront with my friends and they with me - several have volunteered to hug whenever I need it, and if I need one I go ask somebody. A lot of my friends don't know what to say, and they are glad they can do SOMETHING to help. Also, my cat is in seventh heaven because he is getting way more cuddle time with me. My sons are also adjusting to the fact that I need to hug them before we part. I guess I'm saying you have to be kind of proactive about it. People will walk on eggshells around widows/widowers not knowing what to do, being afraid to upset us (or set us off!), so you may just have to ask somebody. I also think the massage idea is a good one - boy do I miss back rubs!

That's really hard. That's why I am in the situation I am in now. I can't accept being alone. I don't know what to do with myself. If you figure something out please let me know

I was surprised to see how many people mentioned massage therapy. I also have been getting massage to just have someone touch me and it has helped but nothing can take away the pain of the loving touch that only a life partner can bring you. I lost my husband two years ago and I still feel his loss daily. I have even at times sent him email which may sound silly but it helps me to talk to him. I can tell from your post that you are in a lot of pain. It does hurt a lot. Does it get better? Sometimes and somedays it does. I am 38 and the thought of being alone for the rest of my life makes me sad but I know it is more then likely a reality for me. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I have no words of wisdom to offer, sorry but I feel your pain. It has been two months to the day my husband passed away. It is hard for me to cope, I long for his touch, his smile, his laugh, his jokes. Nothing will ever take the pain away but remember just because we can see them doesn't mean there not with us. right?

When I lay down to sleep I hold his pillow (it still smells of his cologne). I remember happy times and try to relax. Sometimes I have dreams that he is with me and holds me. No other 'touches' from anyone seem to replace his. Ask God to give you the strength you need.

From the messages , this is common, i gave up trying to get past the wanting and just let it come because i dont think you can stop it very easy because it was so much apart of your life. I sleep with my husband's cell phone under my pilow and i have an extra pillow beside me. I dont think we lose that feeling untill we find someone else to hold and touch It just gets eaiser. Its only b een 8 months for me . Good luck and we are all here to help each other. Janet

To be honest with you I haven't had this problem until recently because I'm a hugger and my those who know me know that. I get many many hugs and some don't let go fast. My soon to be daughter-in-law is a great hugger. The last couple of days I have wanted his touch however and find I try not to dwell on it. Maybe I should I don't know.