I'm so sorry for your loss. It's not easy, and the pain doesn't go away...I lost my husband March 19, and today was one of the worst days yet...day by day, minute by minute...that's how I try to do it...

N8Vgrl,
Please accept my sympathy on your loss. I know you will find the people here on DS to be compassionate and understanding. They have provided me with the strength and friendship that I needed to work through my grief, and I am certain they will do the same for you. Remember you are never alone.

Wishing you peace . . .

Thank you wendimac and BandiBlue. I feel so very alone. It helps me to know that I am not. 35 years thinking about and wondering about and then finally reconnecting. Everything was so perfect and we were so happy. It's just all so sudden. I feel like I'm in a nightmare and am waiting to wake up. I am sorry to you both for your losses as well. Does your grief come in waves? I feel like one minute I'm strong enough to go on, go to work and then suddenly I am knocked off of my feet. Or I find myself staring out into space.....just staring...thinking of him.

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure you are heartbroken and devastated losing your dream, after finding him again; so many years later. Please accept my condolences, we are all here to support you,
Peace and love to you........Sandra

The grief does come in waves...I'll be busy working on something,or out with my son, and suddenly something will trigger it...twice in the past week I have seen a busker with a ponytail and a bandana around his head, playing guitar. My husband did that for nearly 30 years, and he had a ponytail, and sometimes wore a bandana around his head. Today as I was coming out of the skytrain station, the busker was at the end of the escalator playing 'stairway to heaven'...it really choked me up inside.

Very sorry to hear this, N8Vgrl. My wife passed away not long ago. I have found that grief has been the most difficult thing in my life. But remember that it has happened to many many people, and many of them eventually got through. You will survive it too. Now, be gentle to yourself. Try to eat, sleep, and do some exercises if you can. Take one day at a time. We are here together to help each other out. Hugs from Hong Kong. Tiger

I'm sorry for your loss, in time the waves will come farther and farther apart. I know that's hard to believe right now, but it will. just take one day at a time, and take time for yourself.

I am so very sorry for your loss....that pain in the heart is so real its shocking ...I lost both my parents at age 25...it was not a normal family relationship so I just sort of felt like I was hatched out of an egg when I met my husband when I was 18 anyway....I am close with one sister and still many friends from my childhood... these are the people I think about when I think about my youth...when my husband passed I literally spent the first year and a half denying the fact that he was gone..I couldn't play the hatched out of an egg thing in my head ...he made all my dreams happen...it was the simpliest of dreams and that was to be part of a real family..have a decent home....food in the fridge...a Christmas tree at Christmas..the list is endless. Anyway after a year and a half I get a notion in my head to date...it was that process that literally blew me out of my denial....how could I be dating ...where is my Jim...it was during this process that I found this place...and this place has been amazing. I am always so amazed at others strength when I see them here...days...weeks after their loss and I could not understand why I didn't come sooner...go to grief counseling etc... and the bizarre thing is I have been beating myself up a little about that ....at it took this moment ..this post for me to realize that answer...why would I come here sooner..why would I go to counseling when I could not process....accept....acknowledge the loss. That right now was another step forward for me...that's how I am going on...N8Vgrl this is not easy but like someone ..ok a lot of people here told me..you will go on and you will make it...sending a big hug your way

Thank you all for your heartfelt comments. It means so much to me to know I'm not alone. I feel so very, very sad that there are days I don't even think I can go on. Reading your posts is helping me know that people do go on; people do live through this unfathomable pain.

I'm very sorry for your loss. We're all here for you, and understand what your going through. Big hug, Kim

I echo all of the others . . this journey is not easy, but we do go on. Baby steps, one breath, one day at a time. We've all been where you find yourself today unfortunately. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Breathe . . and trust that you will survive this. Hugs, D

I don't know how we survive such losses in our lives......The most unimaginable pain of losing your partner in life is so fraught with agony.

To get up each day, to be alone, to have to muscle your way through all the strife of life - ALONE!!!!

How we do it.......speaks to who we are. If we have children or family and friends who love us.....they observe us and use us as a "google-map" for how they will live their lives; how they will handle losses and pain.

It's very important that we be honest and true to ourselves and our feelings. If we need to cry, rant, rave, shout or just be quiet......we need to be allowed to express ourselves the way it works for us. If you need to go to bed, in a dark, quiet room. GO, don't let anyone stop you. Just GO! But, do remember that you are their "google-map" [don't let this over-ride your feelings], just keep it in the back of your mind and let others know what your needs are for right now.

Take care of you....take care of your heart [it's been broken and needs gentle, loving care!]

Roz

I am sorry for your loss. And sorry you were unable to completely reconnect for long term.

SO now what to do? Honor him Honor your memory from long ago and finding each other again. I honored my husband once I felt better and made a scrapbook for my kids and grandkids...esp granddaughter who Grandpa was her dad figure.