I am so glad you made it through your first holidays. I hear the firsts are always hard. Christmas will be my first, and I am not looking forward to it. I am so glad you did it.

I knew you could do it! Sometimes on this journey, the days and anticipation leading up to the big day are worse than the actual day itself. I actually gave myself a panic attack last December prior to my first Christmas without Ira. I never ever, ever, ever have had one of those but with all the worrying I guess I triggered it. I never ever, ever want to have one again so now I breathe, relax and accept life for what it is. I took back control over myself and it's been pretty good ever since...like Seinfeld says, "You are the master of your domain."
Anyway....I am very proud of you! Always remember that he is always with you, maybe not physically but spiritually, he is always there. Love is eternal and it lasts forever! Make him proud by how you're living your life. Don't let the death of him be the end of you, I'm sure he wouldn't like that. You have a very special angel smiling down on you full of love and protection! Live in that light and surround yourself with his love and you will always be okay!
Love and hugs to you sweet lady!
Darcie

Not too bad myself! It was a good day for the most part.

For me there was any underlying sadness all day, lots of floating memories, things he used to say, things he used to do as I was preparing Thanksgiving dinner for Victor's son, and best friend and his wife who we always celebrated Thanksgiving with for many years now, I had thought my stepson's girlfriend was coming also so when I set the table, I set a place for her but she didn't come. When everyone sat down no one sat in the place where Victor used to always sit but since I had set an extra plate, there was just an empty chair and setting but minus my husband Victor. I got through it without breaking down, but it wasn't easy. :-(

I was okay yesterday for the most part. Today not very good :( I was shopping online for toys for baby and the tears just came out of nowhere, nonstop for a good 10-15 minutes. It was like that sporadically through the day :( :(

It seems like I'm ok on the actual day as I'm usually with family and friends. I always seem to have a hard time the next day. Being alone is overwhelmingly sad and makes me miss him so very much. I'm now into my second year. Its different. I wouldn't say easier, in some ways the first year is really about survival. I think reality seems to really set in after that and it changes. So grateful that there's this place to come to share.

My 2nd holiday and birthday without my wife and for me it does not get easier. I spend it alone.
I'm so happy for you that you could celebrate. First step in moving foward. Keep it up!

I felt the same, relieved it was over. I so terribly missed my fiancé all day. It was a pretty sad day for me. But I kept my chin up and made the best of it for my kids and family.