I deal with anxiety during or after shopping, too. I'm at 3 months. Shopping is harder now because of the holidays and we have to deal with the celebration frenzy as well as adjust to new shopping habits. You are right in that members of our support circles are busy, though I have been blessed with some cookies and a few notes. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just fast forward through all of this? Ps Physical activity does help, I have learned that from members at this site. Wishing you peace, Deb

Anxiety is horrible to deal with I've had it for a couple years. Going through this nightmare we face makes it even worse.

I have been making myself go out each morning and walk even if its just back and forth across the deck. It helps some, but soon as the sun goes down its back full force.

Like you said the financial aspect only adds to it. its very hard when we had a spouses income to rely on, now its all on us. We can only do so much.
I'm sorry your alone and hope your anxiety eases.

it's not "supposed to be" like this.
THIS SUCKS.
Have been mostly alone for 8 months. it is as if I've been sent to prison solitary confinement, when at home. Only see people if I go to church or something.
Stores SUCK at this time of year. I want to walk through the aisles and knock everything down.
that would be inappropriate.

Thanks for your support. a voice responding helps. I was always able to spend time alone ...I write and take nature photographs and can get caught up in it for hours. However, since Pete's sudden passing, I panic when I am alone for too long. Its crazy how I feel these days. The physical activity does help. I think what happened today is that I was proud of myself when I didn't get anxiety and when I walked in my first thought was to tell Pete about it! Because I now stay with a friend I stop myself from talking to him out loud. I guess I will have to go to my room and turn up the music and talk away!! :)

I am literally famous among family / friends for being FINE spending time alone!
it is not time alone that's my problem, it's spouse is never coming back and ALL time is alone with no normal love relationship of familiarity,.
IT SUCKS to be grief.
EVERYthing has changed.
E
V
E
R
Y
T
H
I
N
G
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The anxiety is normal. Finding a new "normal" is hard and it takes time and a lot hard work to build a new norm. 1. Because at first you just want your old normal back. And I am sorry, but you can never have you old normal back. Believe me in this, I get it, I tried, really really tried for my old normal. It doesn't happen. 2. You don't know what you want your "new normal" to be. You don't know what it looks like, you don't know how it feels. It takes trial and error to build the new norm. But it does happen eventually. It took me about three years. First year was the hardest for me because it was my howling at the moon phase. Second year was trial and error and in the third year things slowly started to come together in a new pattern.

Give yourself time and be patient with your weary soul! It does get better.
Hugs,
Val

Val , I got to thinking about the show Felicity that aired many years ago. I watched the series last summer 2014. A year before my husband passed. I got to thinking about what you just said about a new normal. For those that never watched the show. Here is the lyrics.

can you become
can you become
a new version of you

new wallpaper
new shoe leather
a new way home
don't remember

new version of you
i need a new version of me

new version of you
i need a new version of me

that song has stuck with me. I get to thinking about it. that we all have to become a new version of ourselves during times like this. Eventually we will prevail through the dark and lonely times. My friend which has only be divorced before has another friend that lost her husband and she said Alma said you will make it. Alma said maybe in a years time the healing can began. Alma lost her husband several years ago.

What I have learned over the years.

When your feet goes forward with a good step there are trips over rocks, stones, and our hearts. Than you take a step back to look for a different easier route at that moment. Sometimes upset, cursing, angry, frustrated, all emotions than they too pass you take a route next placed.

Than those holidays especially Christmas the birth of Christ that brings the joy, Silver Bells, Jingle Bells all that merriment where those around us are jolly really jolly it suddenly hits us we are alone. How can we be that jolly. Yes we have families, children, grandchildren but the love that is deeper in our hearts can not share any longer. Its a rough rock, and path at this time. Even 5 years later my girlfriend whose husband died tragically close to the timeline of mine we cried together last night.

SO darn it anyway we feel through it, suck it up and find a smoother path to get through it. Darn paths this time a little bit rougher to me.

Just some thoughts and wishes for all to know I do wish you the best holiday you can possibly find.

I just keep thinking how I just want Christmas to be over. But then I will have January and our anniversary to face - a little easier because I won't have the world's joy smacking me in the face. But hard all the same. We would have celebrated 49 years.

I, too, used to like being alone. But as Aftermom said, it's the no one is coming home part. The no one to share the day's events with part. The deafening silence. The emptiness. The total aloneness.

You are from alone, even though we all might not be there with you we all know what you are going through. I lost my husband on Nov 14, 2015. I've dealt with Anxiety issues off an on all my life. He was bale to help me through them. Now, granted I have friends and family that have been a blessing to me and he'd be so proud of most of them. But, still I'm home alone and totally on the edge most days. I've laughed and cried and screamed all in one moment. I post daily on my FB and I always tag my husbands account with most of my statements. I feel like I'm a burden to those around me and I get the third degree with it. But, it's how I feel. I miss him so much, and have a great boss and job. Not the best paying but it will get me through with a few tightening of the purses. Unfortunately, I'll have to give up our home come spring. I can't afford it and build it like we'd planned to do together. Plus, I can't choose between which of our cats to keep and which to find another home for. I've lost my husband, our life, our home and I can't loose our kids as well. But, all you can do is breath, take it a moment at a time. I've been told it get's easier with time, counseling and posting here or in groups. But, I know from what I've heard from several people I've come to call sisters on my FB that I've never met before, that I will - we all will have those days months, even years when we'll spiral out of control. But you are not alone! We're all here for you!