you sound like an amazing woman and I wish I could meet you and hug you in person. Know though, that I am doing so in my heart & you're in my prayers that the peace you extend come back to you a hundred fold.

nanne (snowalone)

I am at almost ten months. There are those further along than I am and some just starting this path. I am starting to allow myself the possibility of being opened minded to meeting someone. If God sends that person my way. Like you and others the aloneness is the worse. It's bad enough not having my Lyn here with me but sitting in our empty home every weekend and waking up to an empty home, I just don't see myself doing this for what ever years I have left. At 56 I'm not a kid but not ready to be put out to pasture, no pun intended, either.

But I was thinking. Awhile back we all got into a discussion about starting our own commune of widows and widowers. All living on the same land working together sharing everything and being there for each other. So if you ever get too lonely we could all come over to your place and set up shop and work together like the hippies of old. My wife used to tell me stories of living on a commune up north. Sounded great.

Please take care.
Peace, TIm

I'm 5 yrs 2 months.
I think I'm doing okay some days great.
I still miss my Ken that will never ever change but I know this is my life now and I must go on and enjoy it as it is.
I have learned to accept what I've been given in my life. I will never date another.
I'm enjoying my family my two children, 4 grandchildren and 2 great grandsons. I still feel guilty at times as Ken lived and breathed for them.
I'm content with my lot in life.

I'm fourteen months and been on WW since my third monthI spend a lot of time contemplating what direction to go. Feeling a little bit more settled, less distracted, but when I give into this grief, it still pains my heart. I am out of my widow fog, still laugh on the outside but something keep tugging on the inside,,,Miss him as much as always.

Like carrie, I contemplate, what to do?, Date, stay single, have 40 cats/dogs etc.. lol.. jk. Someday I want to date, and then others I'm like, but then it's like starting over, learning to trust, what do you each have in common, is he clingy/possessive, does he really want to understand what its like having this guilt etc.. All of it just seems to be overwhelming. I know Sean would want me venturing out living, learning, loving, having hope, faith, and dreams. Just so hard in the flesh, to apply all of these, when our souls, miss our loved ones who are passed. Just my 2 cents worth, which isnt much. Much love and hugs carla

Carrie-I loved your reply! I am at almost 17 months and feel the same. I think i will always be lonely for that person that shared my youth and middle age. At 62 I do not feel old,but at the same time i don't think there is anyone out there, that i would want to share old age with. I keep busy with kids, grandkids, and my mother who is 87. I go out with friends and family a couple of days a month. That and keeping up home and yard keep my busy enough. I am not really happy, but i don't have that deep minute by minute unhappiness.There are moments of that, but mainly its just getting by. Patti

Nicker07, I too have a large yard to take of. I like you am not going to give it up. My husband and I worked hard for everything and I enjoy being outside taking care of it. I find I do my best healing when I'm in nature. It will be one year for me on June 14th. I think I'm doing pretty good. I'll always miss him every minute of everyday. He always said not to sit around and boo-hoo over him. That didn't happen, but it's not as often now. I'm fortunate to have good kids and grandkids. It's funny how we find out how strong we really are when we lose our love ones.

Happy Trails and many hugs.........Gail

Death leaves a Heartache no one can heal; Love leaves a memory no one can Steal.

I am only at barely 4months. So no changes or life decisions have been made. But I am starting therapy next month cause this is just to much for me. I don't like all the changes :(
I do not like being alone. I was married to Tommy for 36 years and I know me, I don't like being single however the thought of meeting someone else.... Let's just say , I don't like having to get to know someone, their habits, their ways of doing things. But I love having friends that have been thur this , male or female.

Hmmm, good question. I have been widowed for five years now and where I am is not where I ever expected to be, but it is a good place and I am happy in my life.

I am not where I thought I would be prior to J.R.'s death, nor am I where I thought I would be now for the first year or so after his death. As a forty five year old widow, I had no idea what was in store for me but I knew I had to go on living, even if I thought I would never enjoy life again. Five years in I am happy in the job I got a year after his death. The career change was good for me, gave me a new challenge and a new environment to discover the new me. I, like you, have been extremely busy taking care of my 81 year old mother lately.. I have been getting her house ready for sale, dealing with the multitude of health issues she has, and just generally making sure she is safe and happy. (Mom has dementia.)

I have a small but good group of friends who I truly enjoy spending time with. I spend a lot of time with the lala labs, my two doggy daughters. I also spend a lot of time caring for a 10 acre plot of land. I am getting ready to put it up for sale, after I finish with my Mom's house, so more work in store.

Finally, I have been in a relationship with a widower for three years now. We are planning on consolidating the households in the next year, so more change in store. Amazingly, I am completely in love with him, although I will always love J.R. The human heart in infinitely expandable. So, not where I expected, but moving forward every day.

Hugs,
Val

I'm at the 9 year mark and could have written the post you referred to, but there are others who are in a similar place. I'm here to help, because it gives my life purpose. My children are independent adults who make me proud and grands now also productive members of society also, I'm remarried to a man who was widowed and understanding of my emotions past and future. I have, or we have, a gaggle of friends some from the past and some new. I know who I am and what I want. I'm not afraid of the future, because I've been through the worst and I survived and thrived so I can do it again. My personal belief system is stronger than ever and I depend on those beliefs. I am okay and I am happy. (And I do still miss what was supposed to be, but I am living what is at last). As it says on my profile page by my avatar "living in the place I'm at." Sharon

I was married right out of college, so I never lived as a single person. It has been 1 yr and it has taken the entire year to function on my own. I believe the loneliness was the worst, especially weekends, though I have two sons who visit or call daily. Some activities have become too painful and I have dropped out of them because I feel guilty enjoying something while my husband can't. There are weeks when I feel normal but then the dark days sometimes reappear. I have no answers just plod along, and try to stay away from the "what ifs". I am lucky in many ways and do try to be thankful for not having to worry financially.
I tried Church but felt very detached from the one I attended. May try a different one as I have heard many say it helped them. Do feel this site is comforting. Jean

It will only be 3 months for me, but it seems like eternity already. Before I met Dan, I was on my own, no responsibilities except to myself. I feel like that now. I have a daughter in college so I only need to assist her when she requests. I too am lucky as not to worry about finances, I was able to stop working. As a nurse I have the option to work 2-3 days every six weeks, so I guess it's more like semi-retired. I I now spend most of my days taking care of the house and dogs Dan and I shared. I keep myself busy with updating the property so I can sell it in approx. 2-3 years so I can move to Hawaii. That's my plan, there's always a chance it can change. I'm a planner, and what happened with the death of my husband threw a monkey wrench into OUR plans. So now I have to decide how I want to live the rest of my life....I think it's ok to be selfish when something as horrendous like this happens and you do what ever you need to do to feel better.....

Always Sue