Well I haven't had to deal with it. Everyone just seemed to disappear after my wife went home.
If anything I would get the sorry for your loss and let me know if you need anything as they were walking away. I kind of thought maybe someone would take the initiative and check on me. But it seems when they make the comment let me know if you need anything it's code for o.k. I'm off the hook and did my part lets go.
At work I had a couple of guys, when I let them know about Linda, one who knew her, told me we would take a morning and go for breakfast so I could talk it out. Linda went home back in August, I'm still waiting on breakfast.
Now no one even acknowledges anything even happened. I bring her up in conversations because I WILL NOT LET HER FADE AWAY. No one responds to it. Can't buy the ole they may not know what to say nonsense anymore. It has been almost ten months.

Right now with really no family I am fighting loneliness every day. I am hoping that maybe the Lord will bless me with another special lady to share the remainder of this life with. Both Linda and I had talked about if something were to happen to one of us for the other to keep going until our own race was over.

Don't worry about ranting, I do it all the time. That's what we're here for.

Please take care.
Peace, Tim

So many people (ie pretty much all people) don't know how to help you move through your grief. I have my best friend who is navigating the fog with me, and he fields the how is she questions for the most part from friends. When I get asked directly, I say I'm moving, breathing, surviving, not good, I managed to get out of bed today or I'm here. I don't feel that I have been pitied though, many of my friends just want to know how to help. My best advice to you is to tell your friends what you need, give them permission to talk about your husband as well... I gave that permission early and often, and I get the best stories about Chad, sometimes when I need one the most.

My response varies depending on the person. A favourite for those I don't know too well was "as well as could be expected, I think". Which left it open to interpretation while still being honest.

If I know them better and I think they really do care, I tend to be more honest. But often I simply say, I am OK, because I felt that was the truth. I AM OK. Not good, but ok. In the early days I followed that up with, I am out of bed, showered and here so that's pretty good.

I posted a link a while back to an article that was 100 ways to respond to that question. Many would have fit for me. I will see if I can find it and repost it.

Kate

http://45b027bfb8c0655927f8-fae8440243845643036e9097d5016f1f.r43.cf1.rackcdn.com/ChronicBabe.howareyou.pdf

The link looks crazy, but it works. (I do recognize there is a difference between a polite "how are you" and someone that knows our situation pointedly asking, but I still thought there were some gems in this list).

Like you, I lost my fiance way too young rather suddenly 2 months ago next week. Up until about 2 weeks ago people didn't ask how I was doing because it was written all over my face. And now that I'm starting to have a few good days here and there and I'm not walking around with a tear stained face all day people don't want to know the truth. I know for me when I react with how I really feel they are usually not expecting it. And they don't know what to say so I too have changed my response to well I'm here

I went to my neighbor's 90th birthday party today. She gave me a hug and said, Oh my you're going through a lot aren't you? I just said, Ugh I don't want to talk about it. Her daughter started on me as I was leaving with the "if there's anything you need call me" stuff. I told her there's nothing anyone can say to me that will make me feel better, that I have a therapist now and I'll be dumping everything on her. I really couldn't discuss my grief at an event like that, geez, I'd fall apart and no one would invite me anywhere again.

I know people can appear uncaring and out of line when they ask us how we are in the early days. In their defense, there is nothing perfect to say. Some are offended because no one mentions their departed loved one -- they want to talk about him/her. Others are upset because friends ask what they can do. It's just something to say in an awkward moment; don't hold it against them. Is there much difference in "pity" and "deep sympathy"? If people ask how you are, try to be glad they are doing their best to be kind to you. I've been a widow quite a long time, and no one even mentions my husband these days. I usually always send a thoughtful sympathy card to the newly bereaved. I have read on this site that some people hate receiving them. That was hard for me to believe -- I love cards and always have. The bottom line - we are all different. I am wishing peaceful days ahead for you and sending [[[hugs]]].
Doye

Yes. They ask how I am doing and if I'm okay. I am honest and tell them that I am not okay and right now I'm just trying to make it 45 minutes without a breakdown. I've always been up front and I can't fake being okay so I'm honest.

If asked ,I say". I am doing good . Bad things happen , I do not like it but I accept it".